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post #21 of 66
DH once said, "yeah, but I'm the parent, and you're not" to an older lady. It shocked her so badly I think she may think about it in the future.
post #22 of 66
No hat! LOL. Not the end of the world-- or sufficient cause to park her nose in your business.

When DD was 1-2, she had a terrible habit of removing her socks and shoes anytime anywhere. THEN she learned this cool trick about pitching them out the car window as we were driving! After losing yet one more pair of socks and shoes on the way to the store, we were IN the shoe dept, picking out new (cheap since they were unlikely to last long, LOL!) shoes for her, so she could get out of the basket and walk (of course a child who throws shoes out the car window *would* LOVE to walk around everywhere)... and a lady came by muttering loudly "to herself" over and over as if she was in shocked disbelief, "No shoes on that baby; no shoes on that baby!"
post #23 of 66
Yeah, I'm with you, and thanks for putting this up there....
here's mine.... I was in San Fran, in a dep. store, with my mother visiting, she had gone to check out some shoes just a little way away, I was B. feeding my then 2 month old DD, while my son was cuddling me, and I think he was trying to get a better hold, and whining a bit, he was 23 months at the time, and an old lady was coming close, looking at me. i thought she was going to chastise me for showing skin/some other crime (I was being discreet), but when she opened her mouth, the unexpected came out.... "Rather you than me".... well I'm NOT quick witted - I always think of THE come back once they're MILES away!, but THIS time, I said "me, too". Ha.
I really don't normally delight in other peoples' displeasure/pain, but it had irked me. It was 1 irk too much.

Hey ho. I have had a couple of others, mostly to do with my son's speech delay and shyness, but I usually let it go.
post #24 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by mummyofan View Post
Yeah, I'm with you, and thanks for putting this up there....
here's mine.... I was in San Fran, in a dep. store, with my mother visiting, she had gone to check out some shoes just a little way away, I was B. feeding my then 2 month old DD, while my son was cuddling me, and I think he was trying to get a better hold, and whining a bit, he was 23 months at the time, and an old lady was coming close, looking at me. i thought she was going to chastise me for showing skin/some other crime (I was being discreet), but when she opened her mouth, the unexpected came out.... "Rather you than me".... well I'm NOT quick witted - I always think of THE come back once they're MILES away!, but THIS time, I said "me, too". Ha.
I really don't normally delight in other peoples' displeasure/pain, but it had irked me. It was 1 irk too much.

Hey ho. I have had a couple of others, mostly to do with my son's speech delay and shyness, but I usually let it go.
I would have said "Yeah, me too!" as well. You were the one with her two little ones snuggled close, even if one was whining a little.
post #25 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turquesa View Post
I know. What's up with that?!

When DD was born (our first), DH went to lift her and cradle her. The MW, MW apprentice, and doula all exclaimed, "Careful of her head!" He hadn't even touched her yet.

The same thing happened after DS was born. "Watch her head!" Um, he's already a dad. I THINK he knows how to pick up a newborn.

There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.
My Dh did bonk DS's head on the bassinet when he was born, and he was already a Dad. LOL.

No IME, people have given me waaaaaayyyyy more crap than Dh in his parenting. I've been berated by an evil elderly couple who thought my then 19 m/o was in their words"mentally ill" because she screeched in the store checkout line, they had the gall to stop me in front of the store and say the most wretched crap to me. I guess maybe they wouldn't have said it to a man because they would have thought he had an excuse for being inept, but for me they told me I was a "terrible mother" and "what the hell was I doing with a kid?" They didn't like when I got pi$$ed and told them to go screw themselves.

That was by far the worst nosey-busybody crap I've ever had to deal with.
post #26 of 66
Thread Starter 
OP here. I guess I'm not the only one! LOL Usially those comments just roll off my back but yesterday really bugged me. Its really too bad that there are so many similar stories but at least I'm not the only "unfit mom" out there!
post #27 of 66
I'm pretty sure I only put a hat on my baby until he was big enough to take it off! What is with these people and hats?
post #28 of 66
When dd was like maybe a month old we took her to a fish fry at our church; when an elderly said "O what cute little boy, whats his name" I politely informed her she was girl and what her name was. Her response; "You need to have her in a dress than!" It was below freezing out with a windchill around zero, why on earth would I put her in a dress in that weather?
(and her outfit wasn't boyish, it had ruffles on it) Some people are just opinionated and feel the need to share them, unfortunately
post #29 of 66
I got that ALL.THE. TIME. seriously, like a couple times a day, when my kids were babies/toddlers. Particularly the hat/shoes and sunblock thing, we lived in a tropical climate and the touristy types, mainly women, just WOULDN'T GIVE IT A REST!

It was

"Where's your hat? I hope Mommy has a hat for you!"

or

"No shoes! Where are their shoes?"

To which I always answered - "Why don't you bend over and I'll show ya!"

Rude, I know but effective.
post #30 of 66
I actually had someone reach out and pull the vizor down on the infant carrier telling me she should be wearing a hat. It was a short walk and she was faced away from the sun. and it wasn't that cold. I couldn't believe she TOUCHED my stuff.
post #31 of 66
I remember one time I was picking up food we had ordered through a winter csa - the pickup location was at a church, and for some reason I had thought I would just be able to pull up next to the door, grab my stuff, and drive off without actually needing to unload the kids (in retrospect, this was dumb of me).

Instead, I had to get out and walk all the way around the church to the door on the other side. It was the middle of the winter, cold and snowy, but since I hadn't expected to get out of the car no one had coats - not me, not my kids, then 4, 2 and a newborn. At least the newborn was warm in her sling.

Anyhow, kids were not happy about walking around in the cold. I couldn't carry the older ones once we had picked up the csa order - my arms were totally full. So there I am, urging a 4 and 2yo to keep walking, keep walking, back to the car, when a man walks by and says, "no coat?"

I don't think it would have got to me if I hadn't already been so frustrated by the situation, and feeling guilty about forgetting the coats. And yeah, it would have been nice if instead he had offered to carry my bags so that we could get out of the cold quicker...
post #32 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tway View Post
It's hard enough being a mother without people telling you what they think you're doing wrong.
THIIIISSSS!!!!

I mostly get hat/mits/shoes comments from my mom, who thinks that every time you step foot outside the baby is going to suffer some horrible fate if unhatted/unshod/etc. I don't mind so much with her cuz I love her but I tell her "I don't do it your way" and she shuts up.

I actually had a different kind of situation that ticked me off just as much as the "you're a horrible mother" comments. When DS was around 4 months old, my parents took us to Olive Garden for lunch one Sunday. DS was asleep in his carrier and it was like a miracle since at that time he neeeeeeeeever slept. And he was (is) high needs. And colicky. And would screeeeeeeeeeeam for no obvious reason, and wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to be worn but wanted me to pace the floor with him continuously, and would only sleep for 20 minutes once a day and would barely sleep at night... etc... And this woman saw him sleeping in his carrier and - I can't adequately describe her tone, but it was a tone that clearly said "you're less of a mother because you have such an easy baby" - she said to me "oh aren't YOU lucky? Sleeping baby..." I swear my head just about blew up. (And then when I took him to the pedi to find out WHY he wouldn't stop screaming and wouldn't eat, the pedi looked at him, being calm because he was fascinated by the new surroundings, and said "Oh look at him, he's not fussy!" Once again, my head almost blew up...)
post #33 of 66
"I actually had a different kind of situation that ticked me off just as much as the "you're a horrible mother" comments. When DS was around 4 months old, my parents took us to Olive Garden for lunch one Sunday. DS was asleep in his carrier and it was like a miracle since at that time he neeeeeeeeever slept. And he was (is) high needs. And colicky. And would screeeeeeeeeeeam for no obvious reason, and wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to be worn but wanted me to pace the floor with him continuously, and would only sleep for 20 minutes once a day and would barely sleep at night... etc... And this woman saw him sleeping in his carrier and - I can't adequately describe her tone, but it was a tone that clearly said "you're less of a mother because you have such an easy baby" - she said to me "oh aren't YOU lucky? Sleeping baby..." I swear my head just about blew up. (And then when I took him to the pedi to find out WHY he wouldn't stop screaming and wouldn't eat, the pedi looked at him, being calm because he was fascinated by the new surroundings, and said "Oh look at him, he's not fussy!" Once again, my head almost blew up...) "



my ds was this way for at least his first 2 months....do you know how many people said "what, did you think it was going to be easy?" There is so much of a difference between a newborn and a high needs newborn.
post #34 of 66
Just last week, I was visiting my brother in Chicago. We were standing on a corner in downtown waiting to meet up with bro's DP. DS (2 yo) was strapped into his stroller and we were just chatting in the shade. This lady walks by us and points at DS and says, "That's dangerous." I was really confused. What standing here talking to my brother with my 2 yo son in a stroller is dangerous. The lady said it again and indicated that DS was sucking on his fingers (like he always does). She said, "that's dangerous, you'll never get them to stop." I actually made a motion with my hand like I was shoo-ing her away. Seriously? Sucking his fingers? Dangerous?
I was more in disbelief than I was annoyed by it, though.
post #35 of 66
you know i had to change my way of looking at life or else i would have gone crazy with everything happening in your life. somehow it seems they do it when they see little kids. slightly grown up 5 or 6 year olds - not so much.

i had the same thing happen to dd. point is dd would NEVER keep a hat, clip, hair band, bow or anything apart from hair on her head.

soooooooo..... i smiled v. sweetly at the lady, felt compassion for her truly inside and told her awww how sweet. thank you so much for caring. but dd doesnt tolerate anything on her head.

ah her expression was classic. she beamed from cheek to cheek and appeared shocked coz she truly had been rude . u know the smile that doesnt reach the eyes. she wasnt quite sure how to respond.

i have done that for dirty looks and i have always enjoyed the reaction. huh?
post #36 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turquesa View Post
There's probably no way to quantify this, but I'll bet that guys get is a lot worse than the mamas.
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get. Although I guess that's still assuming the dad is inept -- "Oh look, the poor clumsy buffoon tried to dress the baby." Ugh, I guess none of us are free from public scrutiny.
post #37 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get.
Oh my goodness!!! That applies to everything! DH can get away with being messy, forgetting his mom's birthday, forgetting DD's hat, wearing mismatched socks, you name it. But then it feels like *I'm* being blamed for it. AH! MEN!
post #38 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
you know i had to change my way of looking at life or else i would have gone crazy with everything happening in your life. somehow it seems they do it when they see little kids. slightly grown up 5 or 6 year olds - not so much.

i had the same thing happen to dd. point is dd would NEVER keep a hat, clip, hair band, bow or anything apart from hair on her head.

soooooooo..... i smiled v. sweetly at the lady, felt compassion for her truly inside and told her awww how sweet. thank you so much for caring. but dd doesnt tolerate anything on her head.

ah her expression was classic. she beamed from cheek to cheek and appeared shocked coz she truly had been rude . u know the smile that doesnt reach the eyes. she wasnt quite sure how to respond.

i have done that for dirty looks and i have always enjoyed the reaction. huh?
LOL, I love smiling and waving at people who honk at me in traffic, y'know, pretending that I think they're saying hi when they're really saying they want me to exceed the speed limit like everyone else is. It's so FUN to assume that everyone has sweet intentions and then see their expressions! Except I can't see their expresions while driving, I can just imagine.
post #39 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get. Although I guess that's still assuming the dad is inept -- "Oh look, the poor clumsy buffoon tried to dress the baby." Ugh, I guess none of us are free from public scrutiny.
How true!! Maybe if we just mothered our husbands a little better, they wouldn't be this way.
post #40 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turquesa View Post
How true!! Maybe if we just mothered our husbands a little better, they wouldn't be this way.
Ha! I was absolutely dumbfounded when my own mother, a strong, independent, capable woman who taught me to be the same said to me after she did a load of laundry shortly after my DD was born, "You really need to get your husband some new underwear." Uh ... what?!? A grown man is suddenly incapable of going to the store and buying himself underwear if he feels that he needs new ones??? How insulting to both of us!! It is astounding how deeply those ridiculous notions are ingrained.

Anyway, back on-topic, I had someone snidely say, "That baby needs to be covered up!" when I walked past her with my (warmly dressed, hat-wearing) baby wrapped in a blanket that was folded down because he was sweating. I mean, I had all the "right" stuff, and I was STILL judged! And I had almost left the blanket in the car because he was so warm, and only grabbed it at the last second to stave off ridiculous comments like that.
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