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Vent: stranger's comments - Page 3

post #41 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
In some ways I'm sure you're right (like the example you mentioned of assuming that men don't know how to lift/hold a newborn), but OTOH they get leeway in other areas -- if they dress their kids all crazy they get "Aw, isn't that sweet" looks instead of the disdainful "Hm, must be laundry day" ones a mother would get. Although I guess that's still assuming the dad is inept -- "Oh look, the poor clumsy buffoon tried to dress the baby." Ugh, I guess none of us are free from public scrutiny.
Actually the looks aren't so much "aw, isn't that sweet" as they are "poor kid, daddy had to dress him today".
post #42 of 66
I'm so glad to be deaf b/c I don't get to realize these unsolicited advices from people and then be annoyed.
post #43 of 66
I've gotten suggestions to buy the jars because then the older two would not try to feed the baby stuff. (really? Or I could just teach them what he can/can't have...)

it's been awhile since I've gotten anything truly stupid...I guess people see 3 kids and a belly and figure I'm beyond help?? cause I'll assure you my kids aren't always dressed perfect.
(Another one who doesn't do shoes till later, doesn't make them overdress for weather etc)
post #44 of 66
When DD1 was a couple weeks old I dressed her in an outfit my SIL had given me. It was a blue jacket and pants (my SIL saved up money to get this outfit insisting I was having a boy and was heartbroken because her "perfect" outfit wouldn't be worn so I had to have the baby wear it at least a couple of times) so I put this very ruffle-y flowery onesie on her and wrapped her in a pink blanket. Well I was at the store with her for the first time alone since her birth and this lady stopped me to comment on my "little boy" when I mentioned it was a girl she was shocked "Oh you can't dress her in blue!! Shes going to end up confused on her gender when she grows up and think shes a boy if you dress her in blue" I was like Ok, strange one.

Ive also gotten the no hat comment, no shoes comment, geez your hands are full as the person closes the door in my face comment, you are doing this wrong, you are doing that wrong.. etc etc. Although I loved this conversation I had with a checker once "Oh looks like you forgot the formula, baby food and diapers, do you need to go grab any?" "Umm no, I don't use that stuff." "Oh but what does the baby eat and how do you keep the poop from going all over the place." "I breastfeed and use cloth diapers" "Is that legal? That sounds like abuse!" That was funny, I actually laughed at her and told her that its totally legal and not abusive. Since my DD is allergic to disposible it would be worse to use them on her.. Her face was priceless as I was paying though, she thought I was starving my baby and leaving her in her own body waste.
post #45 of 66
Aside from the seasonal shoes/hat/coat comments, I used to get a ton of: "Oh, what a pretty girl," comments. My son grew hair, lots of golden curly lovely hair, at a very young age, had long thick eyelashes and big blue eyes (all apparently attributes of female children, pft) and while we trim it now and then, we keep his hair generally longish. No matter what he was wearing (though I guess we don't always dress him in insistently "boy" colors/themes), people would tell us how pretty our daughter was. It was happening so often that I would occasionally just agree that "she" was adorable. Otherwise I would just respond, "Well, "she's" a boy, but he is awfully pretty, thank you!"

And my poor DH gets TONS of comments when he's out and about. On a side note, we don't wear wedding bands, and he's actually gotten hit on a bunch when he's running errands/going for a walk with DS, which I think is pretty hilarious. The worst, however, was when he was letting DS help push the cart in the grocery store. DS accidently bumped against an older woman's cart. She peered down at DS and asked very snidely, "Where's your mama today?" Blah. She managed to criticize both of us, and I wasn't even there!
post #46 of 66
I have gotten lots of rude comments/dirty looks. The worst being "maybe if you didn't dress like that this wouldn't have happened"(as she looked at me DD). I was 23 when DD1 was born-happily married and she was PLANNED. I was wearing shorts and a tank top as it was 85+ degrees. Oh, I was also with my husband too.

As for the incompetent husband myth we get that alot too. My husband was raised with the "this is men work, this is women work" mentality. I love my MIL but this is the one area we disagree. She never taught DH how to do any housework. I remember a car ride that left me speechless. My gma-il was upset that my gpa-il did not want to pick up a wedding card. My MIL stated that he should not have to-only women can pick out a good card. The kicker? gma-il was undergoing chemo. I was so shocked that someone would expect someone that sick to go to the store for a card tat I was unable to respond.
post #47 of 66
When ds was an infant, dh's 70 year old coworker looked at him and cooed "Tell your Mommy to put socks on your feet."

It was approximately 75 degrees outside.
post #48 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama View Post
When ds was an infant, dh's 70 year old coworker looked at him and cooed "Tell your Mommy to put socks on your feet."

It was approximately 75 degrees outside.
What grills on me is the passive-aggressive tactic of talking to a parent through the baby. An equally irritating way to say this: "Mom/Dad, I'm cold! Put some socks on me."

They must know on some level that it's condescending and offensive, otherwise they'd be direct with the parent: "Hey, I'm concerned about your baby. Maybe you should put some socks on her."
post #49 of 66
The snide comments in public are so frustrating. It'd be a lot easier to take if they actually came with an offer of help or assistance, but they never do. I've definitely had my fair share. Here are my two favorites.

The first one was when my oldest daughter was about 9 months old. It was a gorgeous fall day, about 65 degrees, which felt fantastic as the previous days had been pretty chilly. I had to drop by the post office to send a package. By the time we got there my daughter had her little socks off, but no biggie, it was warm enough, and she was a warm baby anyhow. We got stuck waiting in line behind two heavily perfumed older women for quite some time as it was crazy busy. They spent the first few minutes looking back at my daughter, then looking at each other, raising eyebrows, etc. After about 5 minutes they started talking to each other about how "that poor baby" was probably freezing and how "that poor baby" was going to be so sick. I just ignored it. Then my daughter sneezed. They both whipped around and stared at me. Finally one of them said to me, "see, if she were wearing socks she wouldn't be sick like that!" I calmly responded that no, she's not sneezing because she's sick, but because the strong perfume was bothering her. And that if she were to get sick it would be because she had been licking the floor at the mall play area a bit earlier, and not because she lacked socks. All the people surrounding us in line laughed and the two women faced forward and never made another comment.

The other time was on a bitterly cold January day. The kids and I escaped to the mall for a while. After playing in the play area I never bothered to put my son's shoes and socks back on as he was prone to throwing them at random passersby. While walking out of a store and into a food court (all inside) an older woman pointed at my barefoot son riding in his (coat-laden) stroller and loudly proclaimed that somebody needed to call CPS on me because no children should be out in this weather without a coat, let alone shoes and socks. I'm not an expert or anything, but I really don't think there have been too many cases of frostbite in our local mall's food court.
post #50 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by moxygirl View Post

I actually had a different kind of situation that ticked me off just as much as the "you're a horrible mother" comments. When DS was around 4 months old, my parents took us to Olive Garden for lunch one Sunday. DS was asleep in his carrier and it was like a miracle since at that time he neeeeeeeeever slept. And he was (is) high needs. And colicky. And would screeeeeeeeeeeam for no obvious reason, and wouldn't nurse, and didn't want to be worn but wanted me to pace the floor with him continuously, and would only sleep for 20 minutes once a day and would barely sleep at night... etc... And this woman saw him sleeping in his carrier and - I can't adequately describe her tone, but it was a tone that clearly said "you're less of a mother because you have such an easy baby" - she said to me "oh aren't YOU lucky? Sleeping baby..." I swear my head just about blew up. (And then when I took him to the pedi to find out WHY he wouldn't stop screaming and wouldn't eat, the pedi looked at him, being calm because he was fascinated by the new surroundings, and said "Oh look at him, he's not fussy!" Once again, my head almost blew up...)
Oh, my DS was this way too. IS this way, at 3yo, actually.

My mom has this story that she always tells of taking my sister (same temperament) to the doctor to figure out what was wrong. The doctor said, as non-challant as can be "Babies cry" with a .

That UAV didn't give my mom any help, and my mom decided to wean my sister to formula because she thought her milk was making her stomach hurt.
post #51 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Turquesa View Post
What grills on me is the passive-aggressive tactic of talking to a parent through the baby. An equally irritating way to say this: "Mom/Dad, I'm cold! Put some socks on me."

They must know on some level that it's condescending and offensive, otherwise they'd be direct with the parent: "Hey, I'm concerned about your baby. Maybe you should put some socks on her."
If I was awful, I would answer in kind "Hey strange lady, I have a competent mommy who wants busybodies to mind their own business!"

But in reality, I would probably say, "That's passive aggressive and rude. Please don't make comments like that to me."
post #52 of 66
Yeah, most people are nice. I get a lot of "Where are his socks?" and what I also kinda hate the congratulations! You put a hat on your baby. Usually, "Oh what a great hat Mom." Its equally condescending. Yes, I put a hat on my son just because I knew it was your opinion random stranger. Thanks for being proud of me.

Favorite incident. "He'll never learn to walk if you keep carrying him everywhere." We babywear and DS was not even 6 months yet. I responded, "Oh that's the idea."

I've gotten many comments on babywearing, most were positive but as he's getting older I'm getting a lot of you can't do that forever. But my Librarian thinks its great and tells people about my happy baby!
post #53 of 66
I was going through airport security with my then 6 month old dd , and this security guard stopped me and told me to remove any liquids I had in my carry on. I told him that I didn't have any liquids, but thanks for the reminder. Then he says " You know that baby formula is on that list right?" and I tell him we don't have any formula. He says "well you must have something to feed your baby" I say " Oh don't worry she's covered" and he responds " That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"
post #54 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shera971 View Post
OP here. I guess I'm not the only one! LOL Usially those comments just roll off my back but yesterday really bugged me. Its really too bad that there are so many similar stories but at least I'm not the only "unfit mom" out there!
you're stronger than me, lol, at 6wks pp, I probably would have burst into tears at that point..... you know, those pesky hormones....
ETA: and oh, yes, I love the what a cute little girl my long haired little boy is... I've gotten to the point of just saying thanks... lol
post #55 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
I was going through airport security with my then 6 month old dd , and this security guard stopped me and told me to remove any liquids I had in my carry on. I told him that I didn't have any liquids, but thanks for the reminder. Then he says " You know that baby formula is on that list right?" and I tell him we don't have any formula. He says "well you must have something to feed your baby" I say " Oh don't worry she's covered" and he responds " That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"
I *love* this.
post #56 of 66
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
"Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?"


That just made my day!
post #57 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by scottishmommy View Post
" That poor baby is going to get hungry, you have to give her some fluids". Finally I say "Dude, the liquids are in my boobs ok?" And pointed to my chest. He turned bright red and said "Oh, I don't need to know anything more about that now, you can just keep that to yourself"
This is one of the funniest things I have read/heard in a while!!
post #58 of 66
Sorry to stray off topic, but it is related....When Ds#2 was about 6 months old, I took him and DS#1 to a BBQ joint. The crazy owner comes up to me and starts cooing at the baby, and I smile..... and she goes " In my day, women used to stay home with their babies. Whats it's name?" I said " Well, this right here is Emmett, and big brother Eli." She goes ( to my amazement) O_o
"They have different names?"

I kinda stammered " They are separate people? " before i hightailed it outta there. That was many years ago! LMAO! ( I still avoid that place, even though they have great food! lol!) What a weird interaction.....
post #59 of 66
Oh yes, the comments! One time my dh called me and woke me up from a nap and told me to go check out the river down the street cause it was flooding like crazy. So I was half out of it when I picked my bald little almost 1 year old up and put him in the wrap and walked down the street to the river. It was a windy/chilly day. But not really the end of the world that he didn't have a hat on. I realized halfway there that I should have put one on, but we were only going to be gone a short time, and I could cover his head with the wrap, so no biggie. Anyways, someone rushes up to me when we get there and says "OH my God, you don't have a hat for him?". And then she reached out to touch his head. I was kinda cranky and I said "No. And don't touch him either." And yanked him out of her way. She thought I was nuts.
post #60 of 66
My comments usually came from grandparents....When leaving his Bubby's house I would throw a jacket on him and not bother zipping it as we were running to the car in the driveway and I was taking it off him in there. Well every.single.time she had to tell him that he had to have his jacket done up (while zipping up to practically his eyeballs) and mitties on and hat....no freezing allowed Not to mention that DS is always an oven....I am quite happy he snuggles so close in the winter
My mom tried the same thing and I told her not to bother...she eventually got it.
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