Thank you all again for the continued replies, I am still trying to work through all this in my own mind...
My mom has this thing where she feels like she has to save everyone (and it's reinforced bc everyone in the whole family goes to her bc she is the one who can get things done and handle crisis). She always says that no one else can handle my dad bc he's so broken (which is true) and that only she is capable of loving him and sticking it out with him.
I just wonder if she realizes how much her need to save him is costing her. I can't imagine living with and loving someone who is so cruel one minute and so loving and kind the next. I can understand loving him, bc I do too, but I absolutely will not let him bully me, and he hasn't since I set him straight (I had to tell him flat out that even though I was getting divorced from xh, and had to live w/my parent's temporarily didn't mean he was in charge of my life or a stand-in co parent to my kids).
I think that my dad lacks a basic respect for women. He would argue against that however he has gone through things in his life that I think make him have a subconcious hatred for women.
I have been trying to take a step back from my parent's relationship, and I have told my mom that my dad's behavior means that I don't trust that my children will be okay spending the night at gma and gpa's house. I have to protect my children above all else. My mom is saddened by this but she understands and says I am the best mom she has ever known.
I am half way through that article about stockholm syndrome and it really makes sense. I see my mom as identifying with my dad bc she has needed to in order to survive. It really helps me understand what may be going on in her mind.
My mom has this thing where she feels like she has to save everyone (and it's reinforced bc everyone in the whole family goes to her bc she is the one who can get things done and handle crisis). She always says that no one else can handle my dad bc he's so broken (which is true) and that only she is capable of loving him and sticking it out with him.
I just wonder if she realizes how much her need to save him is costing her. I can't imagine living with and loving someone who is so cruel one minute and so loving and kind the next. I can understand loving him, bc I do too, but I absolutely will not let him bully me, and he hasn't since I set him straight (I had to tell him flat out that even though I was getting divorced from xh, and had to live w/my parent's temporarily didn't mean he was in charge of my life or a stand-in co parent to my kids).
I think that my dad lacks a basic respect for women. He would argue against that however he has gone through things in his life that I think make him have a subconcious hatred for women.
I have been trying to take a step back from my parent's relationship, and I have told my mom that my dad's behavior means that I don't trust that my children will be okay spending the night at gma and gpa's house. I have to protect my children above all else. My mom is saddened by this but she understands and says I am the best mom she has ever known.
I am half way through that article about stockholm syndrome and it really makes sense. I see my mom as identifying with my dad bc she has needed to in order to survive. It really helps me understand what may be going on in her mind.
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