Siblings hitting

[titania8]

What is the appropriate response when siblings hit each other? My twins have been beating the crap out of each other lately, and tbh, i'm getting pretty angry about it and need some tools at my disposal.

[Callimom]

Oh the twin thing is hard (mine are 9 now). The dymanics and logistics of parenting twins make some things exponentially harder.

I think I would look for preventative things first, before disipline. Are there certain times, issues or circumstances that set them off? Can you do some proactive work around that - changing up how things are handled, or by talking them through different ways to deal with those circumstances? Can you work on developing a more peaceful bond between them? For me the biggest shift in having twins was learning to become a more proactive versus reactive parent.

IF you can share some of what is happening, perhaps people here could help you brainstorm some ways to change the environment.

When my twins were about 4 (and my others were 2 and 7) we came up with family rules. I wrote about them a bit here. I cannot tell you how much they helped the kids navigate these issues and how valuable they have been as a parenting tool for us as parents.

Some tools that worked for me when my twins were younger have been using a "You hit, we sit" strategy. All three of us would sit down and I would basically interpret for each child the viewpoint of the other and we would work though how to handle the situation like that in the future.

I also found that twin energy (at that age) could feed off itself in ways that are completely different than what it is like for my other kids. Changing up the environment was almost always the best way to get out of that cycle for all of us - so for us it means going for a hike, or if weather was not condusive a car ride with a book tape or a trip to the library.

Hope some of this helps.
Karen

[titania8]

Originally Posted by Karenwith4

Oh the twin thing is hard (mine are 9 now). The dymanics and logistics of parenting twins make some things expotentially harder.

I think I would look for preventative things first, before disipline. Are there certain times, issues or circumstances that set them off? Can you do some proactive work around that - changing up how things are handled, or by talking them through different ways to deal with those circumstances? Can you work on developing a more peaceful bond between them? For me the biggest shift in having twins was learning to become a more proactive versus reactive parent.

IF you can share some of what is happening, perhaps people here could help you brainstorm some ways to change the environment.

When my twins were about 4 (and my others were 2 and 7) we came up with family rules. I wrote about them a bit here. I cannot tell you how much they helped the kids navigate these issues and how valuable they have been as a parenting tool for us as parents.

Some tools that worked for me when my twins were younger have been using a "You hit, we sit" strategy. All three of us would sit down and I would basically interpret for each child the viewpoint of the other and we would work though how to handle the situation like that in the future.

I also found that twin energy (at that age) could feed off itself in ways that are completely different than what it is like for my other kids. Changing up the environment was almost always the best way to get out of that cycle for all of us - so for us it means going for a hike, or if weather was not condusive a car ride with a book tape or a trip to the library.

Hope some of this helps.
Karen

i only have a sec right now, but i had to respond and say how much it means to me to have another twin mom validate how challenging, and different, it can be with twins. yes, they absolutely feed off of each other, and its near impossible to stop it when that happens. and your suggestion of being proactive v. reactive really struck me too. i know for certain i need to be better about that. thanks for reminding me.

just the fact that you understand is so reassuring!! i'll be checking out your rules post soon. we made some rules for mealtimes that really helped, so this might be the next step for us. thanks again.

[vali_babes]

Its great to hear other mum's of twins confirming what my husband and I have said all along. It is a whole different thing to siblings of different ages. Ours wind each other up and compete and it gets out of control so quickly. My twins are 5 and I am only just getting a hang of dealing with their conflicts.

I have found "siblings without rivalry" and "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" really helpful in dealing with conflict.

I dont have much advice really cos mine still hit and hurt quite a lot but just wanted to say "i hear you" and yes it is hard.

Good luck