Need some NIP support

[mamabeth]

So...usually I like to write in and give mamas support for NIP, but I'm having a hard time now. My dd is 14 1/2 months, and I am sick of NIP. She nurses about 4 times a day now which is fine with me. I just have found myself almost lying to people or taking her to the car or whatever when she wants to nurse!!!

I hate this...in theory I think a child should be bf whenever, whatever, he or she needs to, but in practice, it's getting harder. I never even see babies being bf where I live, much less toddlers. I used to bring dd to work (still do sometimes) and I nursed her in front of people ALL the time. But now that she's over a year and people ask if she's weaned (bc they saw me nurse her at work) I say something like, well, we're getting there. WHich is sort of a lie, but I just don't want to get into it.

So I'm just feeling crappy about this because I want to be an activist but I also hate messing with her in public now with her kicking me, pulling my shirt up, laughing, etc. At home it's funny but out somewhere....I've just had enough!

Just need some support/advice/whatever. Thanks.
Peace.

[Quaniliaz]

Just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one nursing a 1+ year old in public. It certainly feels like you might be the only person to ever do such a thing, at times, based upon people's reactions.

Generally speaking, I have no problem nursing in very public places, I.E the mall, restaurants, etc. I usually feel more uncomfortable in more intimate settings (i.e. the baby shower I went to last weekend where the only other baby there was drinking something red out of a bottle ) So, I just go back to what I did initially - when I nursed her as a nb in public. Make eye contact, smile - or if they look rude and mean do the same thing back - hehe - probably not the best plan, but it has seemed to work for me.

I would encourage you to at least exude confidence if not actually feel confident about nursing your daughter in public. I think people will challenge you less, and you will ultimately feel better about the situation.


Good luck!

[Meiri]

Is it the NIP that you're having trouble with, or the pressure of people ASSuming you've already weaned?

If the former, practice methods that will enable you to be more comfortable: in sling, pulling shirt out rather than up....

If the latter, when they ask, ask in return "what business is it of yours?" with a properly confused 'why in the world would you be asking this?' look on your face.

Also sounds like she needs some lessons in nursing manners: no pulling on mommy's shirt and such. I used to just tuck DD's upper arm under my shirt, kept her from shoving it upward when I didn't want her to. The lump of arm moved around a good bit, but that was less obnoxious than a full flash would've been--to me.

[Icequeen_in_ak]

Since I'm not in your shoes yet, I can't offer any experience, but I can offer sympathy. I'm already stressing about how people will react when my dd is over 1 and is still bf'ing. Initially (before I had her) I swore I'd never go more than 1 year... now I've decided that my baby will nurse until she's ready to wean herself.

I'm also nervous about the reaction, especially in my community that is so BF unfriendly! And what's worse is my DH gives me a "WHAT" when I say I have no intention of stopping at one year.

Why on earth should we EVER feel bad for giving our babies the best??? I don't understand it :

[kerikadi]

I am also down south and I see very little NIP But that doesn't stop me from nursing my 21 month old. I know I freak people out because I will nurse the baby (4.5 months) and 10 minutes later I'll be nursing my toddler
When people ask me if my toddler has weaned I always say "Well, you're supposed to nurse for at least two years so we have plenty of time" I like making them feel that anything less than 2 years should be odd KWIM?

Keri

[Meiri]

Something I read from LLL a long time ago, when I was first NIP in real public places like the mall with DS--as a toddler.

When NIP, hold your head up and look people in the eye when/if they look at you. Smile.

Don't do the Madonna and Child pose, because others' eyes will follow your gaze and their attention will be drawn to your breasts more so than if you are looking up and catching their eyes with your own.

And for those of us seeing a nursing mom, Smile.

[captain optimism]

If she's nursing 4 times a day, you are weaning. Really slowly. Like the WHO recommends, they say to start solids at six months but to nurse at least 2 years--that's weaning, it's just a sloooooow weaning. So yeah, you can say you are weaning, even if your baby continues to nurse until she's four!

[mamabeth]

Thanks, y'all.

I think I just had the realization that we really are in this for the long haul, and I'm glad about that, but that doesn't mean it's going to be fun and happy and beautiful all the time. The only other ebf'er I know was always talking about how great it was and I don't feel that way all the time...I just know it's the best thing to be doing for my kid. Anyway I appreciate the support and tips.
Peace.

[PuppyFluffer]

I am an avid nip gal. DD is 21 months old and asks to nurse frequently. I taught her sign language for it and she signs and says "milk". We call it "Mommy milk".

She is relatively focused while nursing and does not flash the world too much. What I find helpful is to wear a tank top under shirts, especially a nursing tank, so your button up or even pull over shirt is still very discrete. I have thouhgt of cutting small slits in a regular tank and stitching the edges so they don't fray to make my own nursing undershirts.

This might help if discression is a concern for you.

[Heavenly]

Well I say just do it! I consider it my duty to nurse in public because it is important for people to see that nursing a toddler is normal and good and nothing to be ashamed of. I nurse my 16.5 month old daughter all the time in public. She still nurses at least 20 times a day so I dont' have much of a choice! LOL But actually I am happy when she wants to nurse in public because I want bfing a toddler to be seen as normal. Even if it only happens one person at a time! Really, who cares what other people think? You need to be confident enough in your parenting to not care what others think. They are not the parent, you are and it really is not their business.

[jeca]

I just wanted to chime in and say we also NIP a laughing, shirt pulling one year old. People never say anything to me though.

I wish they would
I'm too lazy to stop wha I'm doing to go off somewhere but I can see how it may be frustrating, hang in there mama.

[rareimer]

i know what you mean! NIP'ing a newborn and NIP'ing a toddler are so different. jasmyn is 1 now, and i still love nursing her in public, but the older she gets...well i just don't know what it will be like. i want to continue to NIP as long as she nurses, but what if she's still nursing at 3? will i still be comfortable? i don't know for sure, but i know i definitely won't be as comfortable as i am now.

but i think NIP is really important (to me anyway.) i think any positive example of nursing that people see can make a big difference. every time i nurse her in the mall or a restaurant, i try to exude confidence...it's like my own little bit of activism every day. so i hope i can still feel that way when she is older.

don't feel bad for feeling that way though. it's understandable. but also keep this in mind...you say you never really see anyone breastfeeding where you live, much less nursing a toddler in public. how many other mothers must be saying the same thing? and maybe if they see YOU doing it...they will be comfortable doing it as well. it's hard to be the pioneer...but think of what a difference you could be making!

[Tiacsophno]

I'm an advocate of NIP, but my DS is 25 months, and I'm starting to feel a bit self-conscious at times. It's funny, because even though my DD bf until she was 2.5y I didn't really NIP with her much past the age of 18 months because she only really nursed at night and for naps and we were out of the public eye during those times. Even DH didn't really see the whole picture simply because I always nursed lying down. But now DS nurses 15x a day anywhere, anytime, AND he's tall for his age, which makes him look even older than he is sometimes.

Despite all this, I haven't changed my behavior and I still NIP whenever he asks. But I've been hanging around with some EN moms I met through LLL and we were recently waiting for our older children's music class to end and we were all chatting and nursing our toddlers without thinking twice. Well, there was one woman there whose kids were also in the music class who didn't have a toddler (her youngest is 4yo) but she politely asked some questions about BFing (she nursed her kids for 6 months). It was kind of funny, because for once, the ENers were in the majority! We answered her questions and did finally let on that we met through LLL. Up until then I think she felt like "gosh, everyone around here BF so much longer than I did!" like we were the norm. "Did you feel like you had dropped into a parallel universe?" we laughed with her. She was very nice about it.