How many 2 year olds sleep 10 hours straight and/or fall asleep by themselves?

[pantrygirl]

Rant and Advise needed.

DH and I are in a row regarding sleep and our 2 year old.
We've practiced co-sleeping since she was born.
She's always been a good sleeper but woke up for a midnight nursing session throughout the night.
Now that she is 2, she has cut back considerably and only wakes up once a night. most of the time it's for a diaper change, a quick nip and then she's back in slumber within 10 minutes.
I handle all the nighttime parenting and have never had an issue with this.
Unfortunately though she recently changed her sleep schedule and now takes a 3 hour nap in the late afternoon causing her bedtime to fall in the late night.
I'm not happy with this but I'm muddling through.
Friends and the doctor suggest gently moving her nap up to her usually time of 1pm to put an end to the nighttime dance parties she's been having. (9pm and she's bouncing off the walls.)
DH thinks it's the nursing to bed that is the issue. He believes a toddler who just turned two years old should be able to be placed in bed and to naturally go to sleep and stay asleep for 10 hours straight. He cites two of our friends and their children who both were CIO babies.
I don't believe the nursing is the issue and although I know there are other factors in play, I think the main think that irks my husband is that he can't just put our child in a crib and leave the room.
He handles the afternoon nap and for the past month, he's just let her run around until I get home without a nap. He says that she's not tired and doesn't want to nap. DH is not into routines and because of such we fought often during her first year about his lack of understanding that our daughter prefers to have a routine of sorts for bed and throughout the day (ie. brush teeth, wash face, storytime, nursing, bed etc.) He said that she needs to learn to go with the flow and that means breakfast at 9am sometimes and breakfast at 11am sometimes. It's all very frustrating.
I say she is tired but he's not listening to her cues plus he needs to figure out a nap routine that works best for both of them. In her minds all she sees is Daddy = fun and play and run around. Daddy needs to get into a quiet mode and help facilitate a conducive napping environment.
"S puts his daughter down in the crib and leaves the room."
I'm feeling as if I'm the only one who realizes he can't expect that from our child.
So I guess my questions are:
Is it normal for a 24 month old child to go to bed and fall asleep on his/her own?
Is nursing her to bed causing this issue where she doesn't want to nap with her dad?
Is my husband's preference for no routines causing confusion and difficulty for my daughter to follow her own nap cues? (When I'm home, she tends to ask for downtime around 1pm. I consider this her nap/rest period.)
Am I being too tough on him?
Am I being to rigid?
Is my husband right and have I caused this strange dependency for bedtime and naps?
Argh!
Advice and experiences would be appreciated.
Thanks.

[nelson]

Is it an option to move her naptime? If it is, then that is what I would do. It sounds to me like the problem is that your daughter doesn't happen to be tired around her usual bedtime anymore, not with the way she goes to sleep, am I right? I think everything sounds totally fine, except maybe the late nap. It's not like kids who go to sleep on their own would lay in bed hours before they were actually tired and just go to sleep. BTW, my DS is 2 yrs old and does not sleep as well as it sounds like your daughter does, and he for sure needs to nurse to sleep.
Also wanted to add that when my DH is home with DS, DS does not nap and just goes to bed early that day.

[bluebirdiemama]

My guess is that she with you at 1PM on most days? And so being with Daddy at that time is out of the norm, and so the nap thing goes up in the air. This is normal IMO. I have found that it's also normal for dads to not pick up on the cues that we mamas think are so obvious. I don't think this is a problem. It is just the baby and daddy needing to figure out how to communicate with one another, and that is often harder because Mommy is usually the one tending to the needs... normal, IMO.

For nursing... when my ds was about that age I was no longer able to put him to sleep by nursing him. It took my dh most often to get him down, because with me he would want to nurse, but at the same time he would get energized while nursing. Actually, my ds was 12-13 months when this happened.
My dd is now 18 months and nursing, but often not to sleep. Sometimes, if we have a busy day, she will fall asleep for her nap while nursing, but often times it is a quick sip and then she lies in bed with her sippy cup to fall asleep. Same thing for bedtime. She will nurse until she starts trying to chat and get up and play, then we lie her down in bed with her sippy.
We are not a CIO family. She is content to lie down and go to bed....
I don't think that's terribly common, and really can't say how we got to this point. I think it just happened.

[just_lily]

I hate to say it, but yes my 24mo DD falls asleep on her own in her crib, and sleeps 12 to 13 hours. She also has a nap in the afternoon that usually lasts about 2 hours. But no, we didn't CIO.

It didn't happen all at once. We started out co-sleeping and at about 6ish months we put her to bed at the beginning of the night in her crib, and brought her into bed with us when she woke up the first time. At around 18mo she started sleeping through the night a little more consistantly, and spent the whole night in her crib.

Putting her to bed is usually no big deal. I just change her, give her some hugs and cuddles, put her in her crib and leave her room. There is a downside to this - I recently had to drive home from a camping trip at 12:30 at night because she couldn't fall asleep in the tent with us.

And again, we never did CIO. We just started putting her down drowsy but awake when she was a very small infant. I could never transfer her without waking her up anyway so it is just how it worked out.

I would definitely try to get into more of a routine. Not just for bedtime, but the general rhythm of the day. I run a home daycare, so although we don't follow a strict schedule or anything like that, I do try to keep meal times and sleep times about the same every day. My DD has a harder time on the weekends when we get off track.

We also have early naps here. My DD usually is up by about 7:30, and we nap at noon (lunch is at 11:30), and she goes to bed for the night around 7pm. In my daycare I have six kids that nap (yes, six) and they all know that as soon as lunch is over it is time to get ready for bed. And it works. None of them ever give me a hard time about it.

So no it isn't impossible, but it isn't going to change overnight either.


ETA: I should also add that my DD also still uses a soother to go to bed, and has a lovey (an ugly stuffed bunny). I believe that both help immensely when it comes to her bedtime independence.

[pantrygirl]

Thanks bluebirdie and nelson.
I appreciate your shared experiences. It is very comforting.
Tonight, I did continue to nurse my child to sleep.
I agree that nursing and the sleeping at a decent hour are two different issues and so as I continue to nurse, I am tackling my sleeping at a decent hour challenge.

Tonight, she napped from 2-3pm and she requested we go to bed at 7:30pm. She didn't fall asleep until 8:30pm. I tried keeping the communication lines open and explained to her that she didn't have to go to bed but that it's night time and we will stay in the bedroom. I told her she could play quietly and that when she was tired she should go to her bed. I remained in the bedroom with her but told her that I would be going to bed. I lay in bed and for the most part she left me alone. She played with her dolls and even went to the mirror to comb her hair. Around 8:20pm, she came to bed and said, "I'm tired. Milk, please." She nursed and passed out around 8:30.
She's woken up twice so far. Once at 9:30 but she went back to sleep by herself. The other at 10:30 where she came outside and asked for milk. I took her back and she fell back asleep within 10 minutes again but this time she kept her latch on me tightly. I freed myself and rubbed her back until she fell back to sleep fully around 10:50.
Of course, this was all done by me and my husband was not at home at the time which I think made it much easier for me and less stressful.
As we had dinner together (we have dinner after our daughter is in bed as a date every other night or so.), he seemed calmer and less agitated and seemed to be more understanding about how routines are important for a toddler. I told him I think it's going to be hard but once he establishes a Daddy and me routine for nap time, it will get better.
I think he still thinks it should be- put kid in bed, leave room- but he knows how important it is to me to try to follow our child's cues. He's done it for the last 2 years and tried hard to respect my ideas and I think we'll get through this hurdle as well.
Thanks for letting me breath and keep these stories coming.
It's reassuring to hear your experiences and hear your advise.

[happysmileylady]

My dd is 20 months old, and if she was still in a crib, she would be a child who could be put to bed in the crib and go to sleep on her own. As it stands right now, she is in a big girl bed in her own room, because she began climbing out of her crib shortly after turning one. And keeping her in her bed has been a whole other animal. But she still sleeps 10 to 12 hours with no issue. Like a previous poster though, I don't know how we got there. She began sleeping 6+ hours at night on her own at just 4wks old. And she was at 12 hours+ most nights by 8 to 10 wks.

My older dd however, NOTHING could get that child to bed. Seriously, it would take HOURS, as many as 4 hours, lots of laying with her, rocking, crying, screaming, etc etc, even into the pre school years, to get her down. She just wasn't a good sleeper until she got to regular full time school to wear her out.

So, all that to say, I have learned that every kid is different, and that often, doing the same thing, will still yield different results when dealing with different kids.

[meemee]

Originally Posted by pantrygirl

Is it normal for a 24 month old child to go to bed and fall asleep on his/her own?
is it the norm? no it isnt. it would be with a cio child, but in most countries no it is not considered the norm.

Is nursing her to bed causing this issue where she doesn't want to nap with her dad?
dad is fun dad. who wants to sleep when dad is around to play.

Is my husband's preference for no routines causing confusion and difficulty for my daughter to follow her own nap cues? (When I'm home, she tends to ask for downtime around 1pm. I consider this her nap/rest period.)
hmmm it is definitely affecting it. not causing confusion and difficulty. dont we all change our routine when something fun is around. when dd's cousins visited from outta town she never took a nap. if it was for continuous days then by the 3rd or 4th day she would have to take a nap coz she was too tired.

Am I being too tough on him?
Am I being to rigid?
i am not sure if i would quite use those words. but you have to understand that your dd is not going to behave the same way as she does for you. that is the basic difference between ex and me. he is v. structured. i am not. so you should not have the same kind of expectations that you would expect out of you. ever. for anything. i would let dad figure out a way to do it. find a routine. soon dd will learn (if dad is indeed a regular caregiver) that he is going to be around so i will have to teach him how to know when i want to take a nap.

Is my husband right and have I caused this strange dependency for bedtime and naps?

my almost 8 year old loves it if i can hang out with her as she falls asleep. doesnt mean she cant sleep without me. she can. but she prefers to have me cuddle with her and talk to her about the day. i feel the same way so i do tuck her in and stay with her.

some kids can fall asleep on their own. some cant. at 2 i ABSOLUTELY DO NOT think a child should have to learn to fall asleep on their own.

[poppan]

I think if your DD has always nursed down for nap and nighttime, she may not know how to fall asleep on her own. In that case it's not really fair or reasonable to expect her to go from nursing to sleep to "put child in bed, close door" and child falls asleep on her own. Your DH needs to establish a nap routine with her and create the right scenario for her to experience falling asleep on her own. It can be quiet time, read a few books, watch a video... one of my twins used to fall asleep by himself in the playpen while watching TV and waiting for me to get him (I was nursing the other one down). It's a learned experience to relax yourself for sleep.

On the staying up too late thing... I used to wake them up by a certain time in the afternoon if they didn't wake up on their own. Otherwise they just aren't tired at bedtime. It doesn't mean they can't take a nap at all, but I would limit it. And I would also try moving the nap up if possible.

I do also think that your husband's dislike for routines is probably causing some confusion. IMO it's helpful to eat lunch and start nap routine within a half hour of the same time everyday. I couldn't always follow my own rules but on the days I hit the right timing, the day did go better.

[poppan]

Also wanted to add that my kids did sleep 10-11 straight hours at age 2 -- but I had nightweaned shortly before that and I think it had to do with the nightweaning.

[LadyCatherine185]

My 23 month old has been nightweaned and moved to his own bed with Daddy handling wakeups since he was 19 months old. He doesn't sleep 10 hours straight, in fact he doesn't even sleep 10 hours TOTAL at night. He usually sleeps about 9 hours total, with 1 to 2 quick wakeups. This is a huge improvement from where we were at 18 months, where he was waking every 1-2 hours all night.

He also needs a considerable amount of help to get to sleep. A consinsent routine, and a consistent time. If he naps too late, it throws everything off.

Could your DD be trying to drop her nap? Maybe try not putting her down for a nap and then putting her to bed earlier?

[mommy2maya]

I have 4 kids, the youngest is 2y2m. The first three were in bed, by themselves, by two, sleeping thru the night easily- this started just prior to their 2nd birthdays. The youngest, well, we are still working on it, lol. I do either lay with her or sit in a chair next to her bed while she falls asleep. She then will sleep close to 12 hrs. It has only been very recently, the past month or so, that she is not nursing to sleep.

[confustication]

Originally Posted by pantrygirl

Rant and Advise needed.

So I guess my questions are:
Is it normal for a 24 month old child to go to bed and fall asleep on his/her own?

Yes, in our family this is normal for our just turned two year old.

Is nursing her to bed causing this issue where she doesn't want to nap with her dad?
Have you tried getting her to nap without nursing her?

Is my husband's preference for no routines causing confusion and difficulty for my daughter to follow her own nap cues? (When I'm home, she tends to ask for downtime around 1pm. I consider this her nap/rest period.)
Maybe- but I am a firm believer in a need for consistency and rhythms in a child's day. Does he keep a similar pattern in her day or is it pretty random?

Both of my older children were able to fall asleep on their own by two pretty easily, and sleep 'through the night' without ever resorting to CIO. My youngest is 10 months, and has never sttn, and if he does by two, I will be in shock, he's just a different kid and has different sleep habits and needs.

[loraxc]

If your DH wants you to nightwean, he can help. Have him deal with the nightwaking. He might change his mind.

That said, yes, my 2yo falls asleep on his own and sleeps 10 hours straight. (He is weaned.)

[pantrygirl]

Thank you for so many shared experiences.
This really does comfort me and give me guidance.

One of the biggest things everyone has said that I need to keep in mind is how she is with me is not how she is with him. I keep forgetting that.

Oh and yes, Daddy is the 'fun' parent. Even our pediatrician said that DH has to stop the nighttime playtime with her. It's just making it harder for her to want to go to bed.

I have and occasionally help TG go to sleep without nursing. We'll nurse a little before bed and then I tell her that I will lay near her or rub her back. She's fallen asleep like this before. I just cherish our little moments together and know she still enjoys them and asks for them so I'm a little put off by my husband requesting we stop nursing at night.

As for the late night bedtime, last night we started bed at 7:30 at TG's insistence. She passed out at 8:30pm, woke up at 9:30 and self soothed, woke up at 10:30 and requested milk, woke up at 12:30 and asked for milk, finally woke up at 8:45am.

Today, DH kept TG in the car from 1-3pm driving around. He said he wanted to see if movement would help her fall asleep. It didn't.

So now, I'll be tending to a tired cranky child but I will continue to take everyone's suggestion to start bed a little earlier and go from there.
Thanks again for the suggestions and experiences.
It really does help when perspective disappears.

[kalamos23]

DD just turned 2 at the beginning of July. I'm frankly impressed that your DD only wakes once - DD wakes at least 2-3 times if not more. We also cosleep with DD in a sidecarred crib (though she ends up in our bed after her first wakeup) and she nurses to sleep. She's teething, and her molars hurt her, so she is pretty much sleeping on the boob in the early morning. Lately, DH has been taking her for stroller rides at night and that will put her to sleep.

If she sleeps 10 hours total at night, I'm okay with it - she normally sleeps ~9-10 hours total at night and sometimes a 1 hour nap. Hope that helps!

[Nicole730]

I didn't read all the responses, but we are in a similar situation.

What we started doing is having DS nap every other day. Because the only way he naps is if it is at 2pm (we've tried noon, 12:30, 1, 1:15, etc..) When he falls asleep at 2, I have to wake him up at 5. Then he is up until like 9. Before this new stage, he was sleeping 7pm-7am with a nap from 1-3 (which I liked way better!!).

So basically one day he is up around 7am naps at 2pm, bed around 9pm.
Next day up at 8am, no nap, bed at 7pm.

Because it is summer, I am okay with this, it's nice to go out and do something on the evenings he does nap late.

As far as going to bed and staying there...not normal for a 24 month old to do that IMO.

DS does sleep on his own and rarely wakes up during the night. We haven't done overnight diaper changes in a long time, pretty much since he stopped pooping overnight. We don't do the for DD who bedshares either, and she's only 4 months. (We use cloth for DD and usually disposables for DS, otherwise he wakes up red)

[SubliminalDarkness]

I think some kids just need more nighttime parenting than others.

Neither of my kids slept 10 hours straight at 2 years old, and they didn't put themselves to sleep. My DS2 is 3 1/2 now and I still go sit with him until he falls asleep at night. DS1, as I recall, started going to sleep by himself around age 4, before that he had someone lay with him so he could go to sleep.

[Peony]

This is me thinking about any of my kids putting themselves to bed at age 2. So not normal for my family, heck my 7 year would be utterly thrilled if I would stay with her every night until she fell asleep, I don't. We do stay with our 3.5 year old and then 1y, both who do not STTN. Children do all these things, STTN, put themselves to bed, etc.. when they are developmentally ready, maybe for one child that would be at 2, for another age 6. There is no normal.

And I agree with the posters about "fun" daddy, I totally get it, I have one of those DH as well who keep insisting that x child wasn't tired when they are flashing all of their sleep cues but he is just clueless. And night weaning doesn't always mean STTN either.

[lovemyryguy]

Originally Posted by pantrygirl

Rant and Advise needed.


So I guess my questions are:
Is it normal for a 24 month old child to go to bed and fall asleep on his/her own? DS will be 2 on the 27th of this month. He does not go to sleep on his own. Through my pregnancy with DS2 we gently stopped nursing to sleep at night because it was driving me nuts with all the pregnancy hormones. So now he still nurses before bed, but not to sleep. He does require that someone lay with him until he falls asleep. The only kids I know that go to sleep on their own were CIO kids.
Is nursing her to bed causing this issue where she doesn't want to nap with her dad? I don't think so because DS does nurse to sleep for nap, but not for bed, and can go to bed with either DH or myself.
Is my husband's preference for no routines causing confusion and difficulty for my daughter to follow her own nap cues? (When I'm home, she tends to ask for downtime around 1pm. I consider this her nap/rest period.) DS asks for milkies when he's tired for nap time. That's his cue. But I have to catch him just right, if I wait too long or try too early there will be no napping that day.
Am I being too tough on him? I just think you're trying to do what's best for your DD.
Am I being to rigid? I think a flexible routine works best for us. If you try to have an exact time for everything it might be too stressful to adhere to. I kind of base things on when DS wakes up in the morning. If he's up early I'll assume he'll need an earlier nap, and then will have an earlier bedtime.
Is my husband right and have I caused this strange dependency for bedtime and naps? It is NOT strange at all. I've read its normal for kids to continue to wake in the night for like 5 years. I'm a firm believer that kids will naturally move on to things like sleeping on their own, or sleeping through the night when they are ready. Every kid is different, but I think the best thing we can do it wait for them to be ready. I certainly wish I could just drop DS in bed and walk back out of the room, but some day that will happen, and I'll probably miss laying in bed with him for an hour every night.
Argh!
Advice and experiences would be appreciated.
Thanks.

Hope I helped at all, good luck!

[candycat]

My son was sheer hell to get to sleep for the first two years of his life. Then, right before his 2nd birthday, he magically started falling asleep on his own (after bedtime story etc) and staying asleep until morning.

DD was very easy to put to sleep until she turned 18 months; then she would be up pretty much all night every night. It was exhausting. It's only in the last two months (she is 2.5 now) that she's been STTN again. And it's only if she doesn't take a nap during the day AND if we keep bedtime early and within 15 mins of her normal bedtime. Earlier or later and she will mess up her schedule. She needs that regularity but now about 5 nights out of 7 she STTN.