I'm just going to lose it. (rant ahead)

[minkajane]

My period started. It's been two years. TWO #$#^#!@$ YEARS. I haven't even had a miscarriage, like I did (3x) when I was trying to have DS. As hard as that would be, at least I would know I had conceived once and could do it again. I've done 3 months of Clomid, 4 months of Femara/Ovidrel with two IUIs, a month of Follistim/Ovidrel with IUI, and this month we did Femara/Follistim/Ovidrel with TIC. And NOTHING.

I don't know if it's the hormones or just getting sick and tired of hoping, but it's killing me lately. I cry at the slightest provocation (commercials have been known to set me off) and I am so discouraged that I feel like it's never going to happen for me. It doesn't help that DS keeps asking for a baby brother and wanting me to explain over and over again why it's hard for us to have a baby. IF we could qualify for adoption, it would be at least two years before we could even think about it.

THIS SUCKS.

[milletpuff]

SUCKS!!! I'm so with you. I'm sorry, I wish I had something magical to say to make it all better, but that doesn't exist, cos it's just HARD.

I hope it stops being hard for you real soon

[Tear78]

SUCKS. I, too, wish there were words to fix this. Huge hugs, hon!

[bluehairedwoman]

I'm sorry! Infertility hurts. And all the emotions are amplified when you've got all those artificial hormones coursing.

When I was TTC #1 I remember wishing (and I know m/c survivors are going to think I'm crazy) that I could at least get pg and miscarry because then at least I'd know that I could conceive. But I couldn't even get that far. Never had a BFP in 2 years even with 2 surgeries and 4 IUI/injects. And now I'm on my 21st post-partum cycle and foolishly thought that being previously pg would somehow 'fix me'. Ha!

all the best to you.

[aprilmom]

I don't have any magical to say but wanted to give you

We tried for 3 years and I was in the same boat - if I could just even get pg - but I couldn't get that far... The hormones in your body don't help either as I still don't feel 'normal' and it has been almsot a year since I took any hormones.

Take care of yourself and know that you are ok in feeling the way you do. I hope your journey ends shortly (with a pregnancy)!

[ILoveMyBabyBird]

I know it sucks...I stopped talking to ds about having a baby brother. I think the hardest thing for me is not being able to control the situation I didn't want such a gap in between kids and the longer it takes the more I want to stop trying and same for dh...I got some bloodwork done and my hormones are normal I have regular cycles and detect ovulation we had great timing this past cycle and yet my period decided to show up early....I am thinking maybe dh needs to be tested now because I hate not knowing what we are deling with. So I join you in rant! I feel your pain I don't get jeaous when I see a pregnant lady but when I see big families and those with 3 los so close in age in I feel a bit of a sting instead. I am not sure if I can go through this a third time so if we ever get our #2 that may it for us...

[lesliesara63]

I'm sorry! You've been through a lot of medicated cycles and must be so discouraged. Did anything come of that IVF grant you were applying for? Kids asking when they are getting a sibling is so hard! We always told dd that god would tell us when it was time. She didn't always like it, but I didn't know what else to tell her. I haven't told her that we are ttc again. She is that much older and will have even more questions. The other day she said she wished I could be pregnant again so we could have another newborn

[minkajane]

Thank you everyone for the support. Everything's going wrong lately (not just with TTC) and it's all getting kind of overwhelming.

Leslie, thank you so much for asking. I haven't heard anything either way about the grant. Last I heard, they got our application and our medical paperwork, but I never heard if they decided yes or no. Maybe I'll call tomorrow and check on it. We're trying a few more cycles of IUI with Femara and Follistim together before moving to IVF, if we can figure out how to afford it.

[Rainy229]

I totally understand the feeling! I try to act all cool and collected, the ehh, if it happens, great, if not, I'm not going to fret, but every time AF shows up, every time I see a preggo lady, every time I find out a friend peed positive, it rips my guts to shreds. I get so excited when an OPK is + and a fern is + and we DTD at the right time, and my chart looks pretty... and then, AF.... UGH. One of these days, someone should figure out the answer, and we can all get preggo without all the heartache.... :-/

--Rainy