If your DP/DH travels for work.....

[busymama77]

Do you find that the kids and everyday stuff becomes more routine/organized when they are not home? I have found this to be true the last few times that he's travel (once out of the country for 8 days and a few time after that) and it's quite puzzleing to me. While we miss him SO much when he's gone, getting the kids fed, dressed and ready for the day seems to go much smoother when he's not home. You would think that the extra hand to help would make life easier, but sometimes it doesn't. And he's super helpful when he's home - inside, outside, getting up in the middle of the night, giving ODS a bath when I'm uber tired, making dinner, running to the store, etc.,

Doesn't anyone else find this to be the case?

[kate42]

Absolutely! My DH frequently travels to China for three weeks at a time. While he is gone, DD and I fall into a routine...Monday night is spaghetti night, 7:00 is bath time, Tuesday afternoon is the library, etc.

At first, when the travelling started, the routine was a lifesaver. We had just moved from NY to TN and everything was chaotic. Knowing that Wednesdays were chicken nights gave us some semblance of normalcy. Knowing that bedtime was 7:30 sharp and lights out at 7:45 made me feel in control of my household. Ooo, it's Monday morning, it's time to wash the towels!

When Daddy is home, bedtime is always late and there's much more ice cream involved.

Of course, we prefer to have him home! But, I know what you mean. Things go goofy.

[mamalisa]

Oh heck yea. My dh is gone Monday through Friday. When he comes home during the week it's a huge pain in the butt. We have "things". Park days, zoo days, farmer's market....when he's home he wants to be with us, but doesn't really enjoy that stuff. So it's a huge monkey wrench.

[JollyGG]

We find the exact same thing. I think it's because I'm more productive. I don't have anyone to sit on the couch and watch t.v. and veg. with after the kids are in bed. So instead I load the dishwasher and tidy the living room.

Plus, we find that in order to make things happen like they need to we HAVE to have a routine. When he's here in the morning he's doing one thing, while I do another. I take one kid to the bus and leave for work and since he works from home when here he takes the other to daycare whenever she feels like getting up. When he's gone the clothes have to be laid out the night before, DS needs to eat while I'm in the shower (DD eats at daycare), we need to get dressed and out the door. If I don't have a plan and a routine, without his help, I can't make it everywhere on time.

I definitely prefer when hubby is home but the house is neater and we have a better routine when he's gone. He leaves for work on Sunday night again and I am already thinking about how much I'll miss him. This time my cousin is coming to stay with me for a bit so we will see what having her there does to our routine.

[Peony]

Of course we love Dh but my life flows much more smoother when he is traveling. I am amazed about the decrease in mess when he is gone, you would think I have a 4th child instead of a hubby.

[da-tamsta]

Yes! DH works nights and weekends so 5 nights and the weekend I am on my own. DS and I do our thang and the nights that Daddy joins us is always a wee bit more stressful for us. Daddy wants things his way and is having a hard time adapting to the fact that Mommy makes all the rules. Plus DS gets dropped off at daycare 4 days a week at 5:45 cause daddy is sleeping and mommy is working. DS is only three so I cough up the extra dough to have him in daycare long hours on the days daddy and mommy both work so daddy can be well rested. (Don't ask if Mommy is tired, she works 4 tens to be home F,Sat Sun with DS)

[Jaxinator]

I think I'm the opposite.
I start to wander around the house like a lost puppy for the first few days. Bedtimes and real dinners become obsolete. The house slowly gets messier. Then again, I only have one kid, I think if I had more bedtime and dinner would be more consistant.
Having my husband home forces me to be on a schedule.

[Raine822]

I agree that things go smoother when DH is traveling. In our cast though I beleive it is because he WAH. My DD1 when he is home often wants to "help" daddy work so I spend alot of time redirecting her. Also, with what he does his lunch and breaks and even his schedule are not ever the same. It makes it hard to do anything at a set time or to always finish what I have started.

[hopefulfaith]

Heck, yeah!

I love dh, and the kids and I miss him terribly, of course. ....but yes, we fall into a routine that is very predictable & the kids and I do really, really well with that.

Plus, I'm not trying to make "a dinner" at 5pm which consists of meat/starch/vegetable. The kids and I are just as happy to have our big protein and vegetables at lunch and have PB&J and an apple for dinner. Dh would be horrified if I went that route with him.

[russsk]

Totally. DH is out of the house from 5 am to 7 pm usually. He's great when he gets home - does bathtime, walks the dog, reads bedtime stories, etc. But when he travels we eat dinner earlier, don't dillydally like DH does, get to bed earlier, etc.

[busymama77]

Originally Posted by Peony

Of course we love Dh but my life flows much more smoother when he is traveling. I am amazed about the decrease in mess when he is gone, you would think I have a 4th child instead of a hubby.

Ah, yes! That's another thing. The clothes on the floor, the shoes everywhere, crumbs on the counter, etc., . He leaves closet doors open (which drives my insane, btw). The house is MUCH neater when he's not home!

[34me]

Dh has been gone for about a week ever six weeks for the last 18 months. The house is so much neater. Quieter, and lessmstressful when he's gone. His suitcase would still be in the middle of the living room if I hadn't put it away.

[sarahsmiles]

I so admire you organized mamas. DH is in a band and is out for practice or gigs about 3 nights a week. Consequently he sleeps in and naps a lot during the weekend. He's home the rest of the time with the kids and I work outside the home. Nights when he is gone and I have both kids are really traumatic for me, mostly because both kids need major parental involvement to get to sleep.

It's "fun" in some ways because I can make foods DH doesn't like, and we do tend to have more spontaneous adventures without him, like visiting the neighbors or going for walks, but bedtime is a disaster that usually involves almost 4 yo DD watching TV in the temporary family bed while I try unsuccessfully to nurse 1 yo DS to sleep on the other side. My whole attitude towards managing the house and kids without DH would be completely different if I could do bedtimes some other way.

I guess if he was absent for several days at a time, we might find some other solution, but I'm always panicking and just trying to get through the night. Not a great way to parent, I guess.

[crowcaw]

It's gotten better as dds have grown older but particularly when they were little I really looked forward to the week a month that dh was traveling. Even better was when everyone was out of town -- dh and inlaws. I think for me it was partly a break from the routine routine and a chance to have a less harried one. I think what we did during weeks when dh wasn't home was probably closer to a natural routine rather than the one imposed by having to eat, sleep, and wake to fit around the work day schedule.

[annethcz]

Yup. I'm with you. When DH is gone, I know that everything is 100% up to me, so I step up. When DH is home, I know that he'll pick up my slack. Life does seem to run more smoothly when it's just me and the kids.

[kiwiva]

YES! DH is home now for a day and a half. Glad to see him, of course as is DD but he really messes with the schedule. He seems to have amnesia about our usual flow when he's home so dinner gets late, bedtime, etc. DD gets riled up and bedtime takes longer. It's also the fact that I take a break when he's home, and while doing so, expect my flow to continue without me (silly me!). Drives me insane. Sometimes I cannot figure out if it's better to have DH home and everything in chaos or DH gone and me getting no breaks.

[LDSmomma]

Originally Posted by mamalisa

Oh heck yea. My dh is gone Monday through Friday. When he comes home during the week it's a huge pain in the butt. We have "things". Park days, zoo days, farmer's market....when he's home he wants to be with us, but doesn't really enjoy that stuff. So it's a huge monkey wrench.

Exactly! Except it's when DH has extra time off from work, and he stays home, we can't do our normal stuff, and I find I don't keep up with the house as much when he's here, because I"m thinking, "he only has a few days off, so we should do family stuff together, not mopping!" But his schedule is random, so sometimes that turns into him being off for weeks, and the house is trashed. I'm working at stopping this bad habit!

Also, when he goes out of town, the house stays so much tidier!

When DS was younger, though, like under 9 mos, and DH travelled, it was awful. I think b/c DS needed me a lot, and I got touched out, and had no break. At that point, he slept on me for naps and at night, so I NEVER got peace. Though looking back, at least he couldn't walk yet, and wasn't unloading the dishwasher for me!

[elmh23]

Every single time, to the point where sometimes right before a trip I'm counting down the days so everything goes smoother for us.

Of course, I let a LOT slide when dh is out of town. House isn't as clean, dinners aren't has nice (we eat in the living room vs. the kitchen) and the kids sleep either in my room or the living room, rarely in their rooms.