Early Ultrasound Anxiety

[SquidMommy]

I'm new here, but I know I can rely on the wisdom and experience of those around me, so here goes...

I miscarried June '09...currently, I'm 10 weeks pregnant. The Guy and I are thrilled we're having a Squidlet, but lately my anxiety has been through the roof. I couldn't put my finger on it, until my GP gave me a referral form to have a dating ultrasound performed at a local hospital. The form says, "OB U/S early pregnancy for viability assessment by trans-abdominal U/S"

The Guy and I have already decided this will be a home birth. We're not down for the major medical intervention (or the possibility thereof). I can't handle doctors even on my best days. My miscarriage required a D&C, which is where a lot of the baby/doctor/hospital anxiety comes from. My GP is COMPLETELY understanding; hence the reason it's a trans-abdominal US and not a trans-vaginal. The wording on the form gives me jitters - it puts in writing what I'm worried about: viability.

But...because of the miscarriage, because it's early on in the pregnancy, because I'm anxious...we're having the ultrasound. I feel okay with it because I want to know everything is going well, but I am also completely, bodily, 150% terrified. What if everything ISN'T okay? What if I'm having or going to have another miscarriage? I've had zero "typical" early pregnancy symptoms, which concerns me. I tried talking to The Guy about what happens if we find out the pregnancy isn't viable, or there's something majorly wrong, or... he says we're just going to have to wait and see, but I don't want to make any decisions from an emotional place. At the same time, I'm not going to feel any better without having the u/s done.

I keep telling myself to calm down, but all I can do is bite my nails (which sucks, because I had really amazing pregnancy nails!). Anyone been in the same situation post m/c, and have any coping tips? I get the feeling that no matter how much I tell myself to calm down, this pregnancy is going to have me going "what now, what if, what then" the whole time until the li'l squid is actually here.

Thanks for taking the time to read my mini-spaz...I'm so excited to be pregnant! Keeping on with the scaring-myself-poopless isn't going to do anyone any favors...

[MaerynPearl]

FWIW the only reason I get early ultrasounds is a missed miscarriage that was not caught until 13 weeks... so I really know how you feel. I get the early ultrasound EVERY time because of this... and its not me asking for it but rather my doctor offering because she knows about my anxiety and knows that seeing baby with a heartbeat will calm me down a lot.

So do not worry about the wording of it, the wording is exactly what it is for, to go in and show you this baby is okay so you can calm down and enjoy the pregnancy!

[~Adorkable~]

Also please keep in mind that viability ultrasound is the term the always seem to use for the first or early ultrasound, it is not about you or your health in any way.
I'm not sure compleately but it may be harder for them to see things with a abdominal u/s, your uterus is still down in your pelvis quite a bit. I know that the vaginal ones kinda suck, but they do give a clearer view in the early weeks.

Other than that, hugs and positive thoughts, I'm sure things will be great and you will feel tons better after your appointment.

[jenifera2]

I had a miscarriage 5 years ago, and the first trimester (in particular) of this pregnancy was hard. I did have an ultrasound at 10 weeks for dating and viability. It was trans-abdominal, and everything was visible clear as day.

I just tried to tell myself (over and over and over - once is definitely not enough) to enjoy each day that I was pregnant because it was a joyous thing, and worrying/not enjoying it today wouldn't make the pain any less tomorrow if I did miscarry. It didn't work 100% of the time, but I think it helped.

I still had high-ish blood pressure (very abnormal for me) at every visit to my midwife until after about 20 weeks or so, when it finally returned to normal. I also got heart palpitations and a nervous stomach before my ultrasounds at 10, 16, and 20 weeks. I spent a few days each time being a total wreck, but was able to focus on the positive outside of those few days. I figured that was a good compromise - stay happy as much as possible, then don't sweat it when the anxiety set in a few days before there was the risk of receiving bad news.

I'm 33 weeks now, and it's not that there's never any worry anymore, but it's been a lot easier to breathe (figuratively speaking, since the baby isn't giving my lungs much room!) and enjoy being pregnant since I started feeling regular, strong movement at 25 weeks or so. I'm trying to enjoy the anxiety lull, since I anticipate it will start all over again once baby's here and I have to worry whether she's breathing, eating enough, etc.

[MaerynPearl]

I had my first ultrasound this pregnancy at about 9 weeks and did not need to be transvaginal (DID have to have transvag at my 21 week ultrasound though, to double check the location of the placenta over the cervix)

She looked like a little alien bug in there http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-..._3146763_n.jpg but was still pretty clear that there was a baby and a heartbeat and that was all that mattered to me!

[finnegansmom]

That's what they always call an early US. To make sure the baby is in the uterus, that the sac isn't empty, and that the baby has a heartbeat. I sure somewhere it's an insurance billing thing - not a level II, not looking for anything in particular usually...just to check on things.

My 7w "viability" Us that I did have this time (after having a missed MC at 13 weeks which required a D&E) was vaginal. My 10 week was abdominal and I had a full bladder and she said "oh you're 10 weeks, feel free to go to the bathroom you're fine". And the baby was super easy to see right away...

For me, NOT knowing if the baby was alive or not, was affecting the quality of my life. I didn't have any USs last time until 12 weeks when we found the babe had died a week earlier or so. I needed to know this time. As afraid I am of losing another baby, I am more afraid and stressed of NOT KNOWING I've lost the baby. I'm better at dealing with a bad outcome than the unknown.

When is your US? and I'm sure everything will turn out wonderful.

[SquidMommy]

Thank you, everyone, for the kind words and thoughts - especially the u/s picture Maeryn posted. I hope I have similar news tomorrow. (Should have mentioned that in my original post; I think part of the reason I'm so keyed up is because the u/s is tomorrow.)

I feel quite a bit better - I'm thinking a cup of tea is in order, and then as much sleep as I can get. I'm going after 3pm, so The Guy can be there with me. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have good news and a cute baby-blobby pic to post!

[SquidMommy]

So now I need to rant a little...

I called the hospital to get directions. The scheduling department asks what I"m coming in for so they know where to send me. I tell them I need a dating ultrasound; she tells me the hospital WILL NOT perform an ultrasound on anyone under 18 weeks. What the what?? I tell her I have an order; no dice. I tell her I have insurance; no dice. I tell her I can have my doctor call; no dice. She says the only way I get an ultrasound that early on is to have "something really wrong." I tell her with the amount of stress she just caused me, that just might happen. Hang up. Start over.

I called the radiology department. The technician says, "Sure, we can do that. When would you like to make an appointment?" I tell her the hospital website says all ultrasounds are walk-in, 7AM to 11PM, at the imaging clinic. She says no. I say yes. She says make an appointment. I tell her my doctor would not have written the order and TOLD ME it was first-come-first-serve if there was even a slight chance it wouldn't work that way.

"Make an appointment."

I called my doctor. She called the hospital, they wouldn't budge. No emergency = no ultrasound. Doc suggested I go to the ER and say I fell and need an ultrasound. I'm not down for that; I'm not going to take up the time of someone who actually NEEDS to be at the ER just so I can get baby pictures. But at the same time...I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING IS OKAY!!!

Nothing I can do til Monday. Is that even legal to refuse me as a walk-in because I'm under 18 weeks, even though I had a doctor's order? I scheduled an appointment for Monday, but I doubt The Guy will be able to be with me due to classes. It's heartbreaking.

[hollytheteacher]

Why doesn't your dr. just do it at your appointment?

[SquidMommy]

Oh, good question - I should have made that more clear. My doc is a GP/GYN - she doesn't have OB coverage, and as such, doesn't keep the doppler/ultrasound stuff around. She's done my blood draws and pee tests and whatnot, but she doesn't have the pricier equipment available to her.

She's been awesome about providing me with information and resources for nutrition, homebirthing, midwives/doulas, making sure I know what fluids are typically sent out for testing and at what stages, so I can choose what I want or don't want...she's very involved, she just can't take on the liability of managing pregnancies throughout and then delivering babies. It's too bad; she's really brilliant.