How to gently suggest to a parent that their child may need an evaluation?? - Page 2

[sbgrace]

I'd let it go. You planted the seed. Time for her to come to her own conclusions/be ready to accept this is ok. The negative here is the child will likely be almost out of out of early intervention before mom comes to the conclusion the child needs help. But I think it's more harmful to push before a parent is ready. I threw up after she left when someone first mentioned autism to me. She completely backed off and never said a word again but the seed was planted. It took me six months to follow up on that plant in my own mind.

It's hard to hear this stuff and for many of us it's a process to accept that something is not right. That's ok.

[shelbean91]

If you could give her the number to the early intervention office say something like 'I read an article and this is what I found....' or something like that.

Parents don't like to hear that something is 'wrong' with their child. They don't like to think they missed anything. My now 8 year old was dx'd w/autism at 2 1/2. My now 6 year old is just now getting eval'd for autism as well. I'm pretty sure he will be dx'd with it also.

I got him into preschool in the school district b/c of speech and social delays and quickly found many sensory and OT issues. I felt like an idiot for missing so many of the symptoms in ds2, especially b/c ds1 had been dx'd, but they are SO different in the way they present symptoms, you know? Ds1 had and still has very, very little speech. Ds2 had speech, but was delayed. Now, he can speak in complete sentences, carry on conversations, but his intonation is strange.

You don't want to compare children, but there comes a point where the differences are more apparent. If she doesn't want to get an eval, she won't. But, it's a hard pill to swallow and some feel if they don't get eval'd, there is nothing wrong. Maybe pose it to her as the option to rule anything out??

[RiverTam]

Does your state allow childcare providers to make referrals to early intervention? In my state, they can.

I would talk to the mom one more time, and tell her your concerns, and that you want to call early intervention to do a screening. I would approach it from a "we should just have it checked out to make sure it's all okay" stance. If Mom agrees to the screening, call and make the referral.

Taking an approach that it's just a screening and setting Mom up might make it less threatening because you're not saying something is definitely wrong and you're not asking her to figure out what to do. She might be feeling sort of over-whelmed.

[Kristine233]

Originally Posted by RiverTam

Does your state allow childcare providers to make referrals to early intervention? In my state, they can.

I would talk to the mom one more time, and tell her your concerns, and that you want to call early intervention to do a screening. I would approach it from a "we should just have it checked out to make sure it's all okay" stance. If Mom agrees to the screening, call and make the referral.

Taking an approach that it's just a screening and setting Mom up might make it less threatening because you're not saying something is definitely wrong and you're not asking her to figure out what to do. She might be feeling sort of over-whelmed.

Or alternatively if that's not the case on her state perhaps just find out when general preschool screenings are in the area and have the information available. It could be information available to all parents and be less threatening.

[BookGoddess]

Originally Posted by RiverTam

Does your state allow childcare providers to make referrals to early intervention? In my state, they can.

I would talk to the mom one more time, and tell her your concerns, and that you want to call early intervention to do a screening. I would approach it from a "we should just have it checked out to make sure it's all okay" stance. If Mom agrees to the screening, call and make the referral.

Taking an approach that it's just a screening and setting Mom up might make it less threatening because you're not saying something is definitely wrong and you're not asking her to figure out what to do. She might be feeling sort of over-whelmed.

It might go over well or it could go badly as in "who are you to do this? This is my decision, my child. Stay out of our business." If this mom isn't ready to do a screening yet then saying you (the OP) want to call EI to do the screening could alienate her. I know it would have alienated me. Don't misunderstand me. I think EI is needed for this child, but it should be parents who make that decision. It should be the parents who make the call.

[just_lily]

I am in Canada, so we don't have "Early Intervention" per se. Nor are there scheduled pre-school screenings. I'm not even sure if there are screenings in elementary school anymore as I don't yet have a school-aged child, and we don't have school nurses or anything like that.

I do run a licensed home daycare, and I am pretty certain that if I were to phone our community support office they would be able to schedule an evaluator to come to my home - but of course the parent would need to give consent for this to happen. One of the other providers in my agency went through this process with one of her kiddos, and the child was diagnosed with ODD.

I want to make it clear that I am NOT trying to diagnose this kid myself. But it is pretty clear that she is definitely a quirky kid, and something is going on. Whether she just needs some behavoural support, or if there it is something else is not my place to decide, nor am I attempting to do so. I do have some training in typical child development as I am a licensed provider, but I am in no way qualified to diagnose. I am exposed to a large number of toddlers and preschoolers in my own home, other kids in my agency (we have a play group once a week), my friends' kids, and from volunteering in our church nursery and preschool room. And this child stands out.

I do feel a lot of responsibility about this. I have this child from 7:30 to 4:30 five days a week. If it turns out that there is an issue and things could be improved by early therapy or treatment.... but I am the only one who notices an issue, and I never say anything.... I would feel quite bad about that. I would feel like I failed the child because I never spoke up on their behalf.

So I did bring it up, and I feel like I have fulfilled my immediate responsibility. The parents will need to take it from here. If, in a few months, things don't improve and the parents still haven't taken any initiative I will bring it up again. But I don't want to alienate the parents in the process and have them switch daycares.

A pp suggested that perhaps this is being followed by the child's doctor. I am confident that this is not the case. I have her all day, every day (even when her parents have days off, they still bring her to me). I would know if they were taking her to appointments, and they are just not.

[APToddlerMama]

Ooh, I just have to weigh in and say that I would be *horrified* to have my child videotaped alongside other children for the purpose of showing me something was wrong... Please don't do this to these parents! It sounds like you are on the right track right where you are...planting the seed and leaving it be for now.

[bbsc]

I am still sad about the way my son's preschool teacher suggested I get an eval done for my son. It was one morning at drop off, and she was watching my son walk into the classroom and she turned to me and said "I think your son might be autistic." I was so shocked. I had never considered anything of that nature at all, just a little slower to meet milestones, compared to his peers.

[RiverTam]

Originally Posted by BookGoddess

It might go over well or it could go badly as in "who are you to do this? This is my decision, my child. Stay out of our business." If this mom isn't ready to do a screening yet then saying you (the OP) want to call EI to do the screening could alienate her. I know it would have alienated me. Don't misunderstand me. I think EI is needed for this child, but it should be parents who make that decision. It should be the parents who make the call.

I totally agree with this. That's why my post said "If Mom agrees to the screening, call..."

[pumpkinhead]

I say this gently, but unless there is something you are failing to convey over the interwebz, nothing that you have described sounds outside the realm of normal to me. Children develop at vastly different rates. I have had children in my care who didn't walk and talk with any proficiency until they were almost 4 and by the time they were 5 you could not distinguish them from their peers. You also have no real way of knowing whether or not the parents have taken any "initiative".

I believe that your concern is valid and I think you have the very best of intentions, but beyond mentioning your concerns to them, I'd leave it be.