Vasectomy worries

[ber]

My DH is fine with getting a vasectomy (aside from what I would think are the usual trepidations about the procedure) but I'm more unsure about it.

We both DEFINITELY do not want any more kids. We have 3 boys and we are done - emotionally, physically, mentally done. We're happy as a family of 5.

I guess my problem is that as the years have gone by, I've gotten more and more natural-minded, and that goes beyond just not wanting to be on birth control or have any sorts of medications/hormones as birth control. I am also wondering what the long-term effects of a vasectomy will have on my DH. I've read so many articles, and so many threads here, but I'm still not convinced that it's the best idea.

The potential side-effects, although rare, are a big worry for me, though I realize that if I ever got pregnant again, the list of potential things that could go wrong is just about as long (and rare, I suppose) and as worrisome. So in that regard, it seems to make sense to expose DH to this risk when I've been pregnant and have given birth, and then healed from that 3 times.

Has anyone gone through a similar struggle? Did you go through with the vasectomy or choose something else?

I'm really having a hard time with this.

[tanyam926]

I could have written your post exactly!

We also have 3 boys, and we are very happy with our family. Neither dh or I feel like we need to add to our family, and we REALLY don't want to have to deal w/any unplanned pg bc I will be going back to work and we really can't afford any more children (emotionally/psychologically I am spent, plus kids are EXPENSIVE!).

So for a variety of reasons, including the fact that my body doesn't do well on hormonal bc, I don't feel like an IUD is right for me, and while I believe that the FAM works, I just don't feel like it's a good option for us bc it involves so much work and we need something more permanent.

Dh is a-ok w/the getting the vas and I have researched it thoroughly. Like you I have found that the complications are rare and considering we are done w/adding to our family I think this is the right option for us.

So we are going to schedule the appts. to get everything started. We feel good about this decision for OUR family. Plus, I feel like my body has gone through a lot w/ 4 pg (3 kids and 1 m/c) so it's DH's turn to step up (which he is happy to do so we can breathe a little easier).

I don't have any advice but just wanted to tell you that your aren't alone!

[ber]

And specifically what I'm worried about is chronic pain, increased cancer risk, and auto-immune issues. He is perfectly healthy and I'm afraid of compromising that.

[ber]

tanyam926 - thank you so much for responding and commiserating. I feel like not many people I know can understand because to them, it's "just" a snip and something that's so easy and not a big deal. It's nice to know that someone else has similar concerns.

ETA: I've also had 1 m/c that was pretty intense, so I'm with you on that too! That's definitely something that I forgot to factor in when thinking about the whole situation.

[THANKFULFORFIVE]

Not sure if my insight is what you are looking for, but my concerns were similar....
Blessed with 4 children, 2 of each, had #4 just before my 30th b-day. REALLY wanted to be "done" having babies at that point. Hubby had the vasectomy about a year later. All was good for many years. However, as the children grew older and our lives changed a bit---less travel for DH and less stress for me...we had those old familiar "baby-pangs"! So, lots of research, soul-searching, prayers, and $ and 10 years later---we had the procedure reversed. 5 cycles later, we were pregnant! We both felt the pull to be more "natural minded" and to leave our reproductive outcome up to the "higher calling". We use no form of birth control now. So happy with our descisions, but I can't help but wonder what other "little miracles" we may have missed during our reproductive hiatus..
BTW, I stayed in the room and watched the entire procedure for the vas. It was really pretty quick and easy. The reversal was MUCH more difficult.

[KatWozBlue]

My dh had his vasectomy a few weeks ago and literally was helping his friend paint a few days later. We talked to a urologist for a long time and he said something really helpful, he said that if you smoke, are overweight, don't eat healthy, don't exercise, and don't take care of yourself, that those factors will have a much bigger impact on your overall health and well being than a vasectomy ever will.

My dh just turned 38 and I am 36 and am getting ready to have our third. Due to our age, we absolutely know without a doubt that we are done. I am ready to just raise our three lo's and travel, finish my PhD, etc, so there is no question it was right in terms of timing.

On a second note, my father who is 77 had a vasectomy 34 years ago and has had no lingering side effects.

[ber]

thankfulforfive - thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience!

I do imagine that in a couple years when my kids are older, there will be days where I really would like another baby. I know how much my thinking has changed in the past 6 years (since having my 1st) so I can only imagine where my head will be in 6 more years, & I realize that I can't know for sure if I'll look back and think "I should've had more." But I also know that after I had #2, I had this feeling like our family wasn't complete yet, and that he wasn't meant to be the youngest. #3 is 10 months old now and he FEELS like the youngest to me, and I don't have those same feelings that I'm missing someone in our family. So beyond all the financial/physical reasons for not having another baby, we feel pretty secure in where we are right now because of those "complete" vibes. I'm glad you brought that up though because it's always worth thinking out! It helped to type that just now!

I'm glad that the reversal was successul for you guys and you are where you want to be!

I would really like to just have more moments of "this is a good thing" and less of the "wait, my husband's body is healthy, does this make sense?" moments.

[ber]

katwozblue:

My dh had his vasectomy a few weeks ago and literally was helping his friend paint a few days later. We talked to a urologist for a long time and he said something really helpful, he said that if you smoke, are overweight, don't eat healthy, don't exercise, and don't take care of yourself, that those factors will have a much bigger impact on your overall health and well being than a vasectomy ever will.

Thank you very much for that perspective.

My dh just turned 38 and I am 36 and am getting ready to have our third. Due to our age, we absolutely know without a doubt that we are done. I am ready to just raise our three lo's and travel, finish my PhD, etc, so there is no question it was right in terms of timing.

Yes, yes, and yes. I don't want to turn this thread into "reasons I think I really am done having babies," but those reasons are good reminders why it's important enough to really look at the benefits versus the risks.

On a second note, my father who is 77 had a vasectomy 34 years ago and has had no lingering side effects.

That is good to hear! My dad also had one, and my uncle, and they've remained healthy. I like to hear anecdotal stuff - it's at least reassuring.

[mama to 2 girls]

We were where you are at now after we had our 2nd and well low and behold we had #3! We knew right then and there what we needed to do. DH went for the big V when ds was only 2 weeks old. That was 2 yrs ago and he has been fine.

I will have to say (and maybe warn you) that while I was 100% on board with him having it done that I did go thru a period of time where I do to come to terms with it and now I am so, so glad he had it done. I know that at times I do feel sad but I know it's just the hormones talking and i ignore it.

I know for us also adding another would be so devastating, emotionally, physically and mentally....in every way really that it was the right thing for us to do.......

Doing the right thing doesn't mean it's going to be easy. I know for me the first couple month after he had it done I had thoughts like, oh no! what did we do but those days didn't last long.

I hope you can come to a conclusion that is the best one for you and your family.

[ber]

mama to 2 girls - yeah, I think that I'm going through a bit of coming to terms with it, just starting with the worrying about his health and I'm sure I'm going to have a few "what if we ever want more" thoughts at some point.

Thanks for the insight!