"Well you know *he's* going to get beaten up!"

[mama_ani]

This is a vent more than anything.

Why, in response to anything & everything my mother disagrees with about my son, does she make a comment about him getting beaten up when he's older? She says the same thing about friends of his. They are 3 & 4 years old!
An example...He loves pink, he carries a pink purse around sometimes "Good thing you are going to homeschool or he'll get beaten up for carrying that purse." That was said after she told me we manipulated him into liking pink.
*sigh*
I have no idea what to say so I usually give a confused/WTF look and walk away.

[AFWife]

My MIL said once, "I don't remember being in on the decision that pink was only for girls and blue was mostly for boys. No one asked MY opinion."

I liked that response.

[lynsage]

Tell her times have changed and it's no longer socially acceptable for boys to beat up other boys for liking pink, being sensitive, etc., and you don't want her scaring your son with her antiquated views from a sad time in history.

[laila2]

this web site may change her tune

http://www.carodeo.com/news/38/63/AR...-TO-WEAR-PINK/

maybe for a day. seriously. luckily we do not have that problem. Just a wee bit of sceptisism when I found the beautiful carroll doll at the 2nd hand store from dh. But ds loves it. And he loved getting his toe nails painted when painted dd's finger nails. And then we went to July 4th, and dnephew had his toes done too I was so bonded to SIL.

[SashaBreeze]

mom "Your know he would get beat up for that."

You "Oh mom! Thank you for pointing out the fact that some parents do such a lack luster job at parenting that their children go around beating up other children. It is so nice to hear you say what a good job I am doing because you know my son would never do that."

And then when she stumbles to try and point out that she was saying the opposite just keep patting her on the back saying "no, no mom its ok, thank you! Its always great to hear that you think I am doing such a good job."

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by laila2

http://www.carodeo.com/news/38/63/AR...-TO-WEAR-PINK/

maybe for a day. seriously. luckily we do not have that problem. Just a wee bit of sceptisism when I found the beautiful carroll doll at the 2nd hand store from dh. But ds loves it. And he loved getting his toe nails painted when painted dd's finger nails. And then we went to July 4th, and dnephew had his toes done too I was so bonded to SIL.

When I was little my mom would always do a "flag" on our thumb nails for July 4th...my brother was SO JEALOUS. So, she would paint his nails with clear polish so he could be included.

He's a very manly Marine now...

[Cascadian]

TBH, I think that your mom's concern is valid - for her generation. Boys were vigorously persecuted for being 'sissy', and her comment could have been out of misguided, but sincere, concern about your son's welfare.

As someone mentioned above, a simple explanation about how times have changed could be very helpful.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by Cascadian

TBH, I think that your mom's concern is valid - for her generation. Boys were vigorously persecuted for being 'sissy', and her comment could have been out of misguided, but sincere, concern about your son's welfare.

As someone mentioned above, a simple explanation about how times have changed could be very helpful.

True.

In reality, if he were six or seven and went to school carrying a pink purse, he'd at least get lots of questions, or teased. I seriously doubt he'd get beaten up though.

I have a friend who's son struggled socially. He just doesn't have a place to fit in yet. In third grade, he needed glasses. They also made him get goggles, and made him take them to school and wear on the playground.

I could have told them he'd get teased at least a little for wearing safety goggles out on the playground. But, mom insisted.

He got a lot of weird looks, lots of "WHY are you wearing THOSE?" and several points and giggles. He was devastated. I felt so bad for him... but, he was practically set up by his mom.

Honestly.... even most girls would get picked on for carrying a pink purse to school. But, since your son won't be taking it to school, it's nothing to worry about. Your mom is just trying to use passive aggressive comments to sway your thinking.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by Cascadian

TBH, I think that your mom's concern is valid - for her generation. Boys were vigorously persecuted for being 'sissy', and her comment could have been out of misguided, but sincere, concern about your son's welfare.

Unfortunately it's not something that no longer exists. In my personal world - the one I've built for my children - that is true. In the larger world, though, I know it's not. Look at the statistics on violence against people who are cross-dressing or who are transgendered or transitioning.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Unfortunately it's not something that no longer exists. In my personal world - the one I've built for my children - that is true. In the larger world, though, I know it's not. Look at the statistics on violence against people who are cross-dressing or who are transgendered or transitioning.

Perhaps... but, the average grade school kids would not just randomly beat up a boy for carrying a pink purse. He'd earn a name like "pink purse kid", But, I don't think the kids would be violent towards him.

My daughter's in a very large public high school, and they have boys who wear "Girl's" accessories, and it doesn't even get a second glance.

[sapphire_chan]

Plus side, this means that if she says anything about you guys homeschooling you can just ask her why she wants her grandkid to get beaten up.

[MusicianDad]

Remind her that men who wear pink tend to have much luck with the ladies...

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

My daughter's in a very large public high school, and they have boys who wear "Girl's" accessories, and it doesn't even get a second glance.

Isn't that part of what's "cool" or something? The Metro-Sexual movement or something like that? I have no idea so I'm sorry if I offended anyone. (I wasn't cool then and I'm sure not cool now)

[Turtlecouple]

regarding the color pink...just tell her your son is a great supporter of breast cancer awareness.

[NiteNicole]

I would never ever ever never NEVER say something like that out loud about a child, not to their parent and certainly not where the child could hear me. I do sometimes see kids and think oh dear, school is going to be hard. I wish it weren't so but some things will make a child stand out and make it harder for them. I would love to live in a world where little boys could carry a purse to school and no one would bat an eye, but I currently do not live in that world.

Where I struggle as a parent, even though this hasn't come up with my own child but she's due to start school in a year so I think about it, is how much "bully proofing" do I do and in what way? Do I steer her away from something she enjoys because I know without a doubt it will earn her the "weird kid" label, or do I try to shore up her reserves so that the "weird kid" label isn't something that bothers her? And is it asking too much of a five year old - that she should give up something she likes for social reasons that don't make sense of her? Or is it wrong for me to send her into the world with habits I know will make her a target?

As for your mom, I think you should have a talk with her about NEVER saying that in front of your child and then just keep reminding her "good thing we're going to home school, I hate the idea of exposing him to that kind of ignorance" and let it goo. Repeat repeat every single time. When she finally figures out you're not going to argue with her and she's not going to change your mind, maybe she'll give it up.

[nextcommercial]

Originally Posted by AFWife

Isn't that part of what's "cool" or something? The Metro-Sexual movement or something like that? I have no idea so I'm sorry if I offended anyone. (I wasn't cool then and I'm sure not cool now)

I am SO out of the loop, because I think skinny jeans on a teenage boy looks stupid. "aren't those your pants from sixth grade?"

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

is how much "bully proofing" do I do and in what way? Do I steer her away from something she enjoys because I know without a doubt it will earn her the "weird kid" label, or do I try to shore up her reserves so that the "weird kid" label isn't something that bothers her? And is it asking too much of a five year old - that she should give up something she likes for social reasons that don't make sense of her? Or is it wrong for me to send her into the world with habits I know will make her a target?

I think about those questions, too, actually *because* I have an effeminate son who asks a lot of questions about whether he can become a girl or boys can grow up to be women and vice versa. My belief - evolving though it is - is that I should teach my children to be who they are and give them the tools to stand up for themselves. While I'd love to rid schools of bullies, I'm not naive enough to think that can happen. What I want is for my children not to be the targets. If you're "odd," that means learning to be confident about that fact. I've tried very hard with DC to teach them to do what they want and be proud of it, but I don't know how that will play out as they get older.

[VisionaryMom]

Originally Posted by nextcommercial

I am SO out of the loop, because I think skinny jeans on a teenage boy looks stupid. "aren't those your pants from sixth grade?"

If I may...the word from the teens I know...

The skinny jeans are emo. That's cool. The goal is androgyny, which is why these boys often dye their hair, paint their nails, etc. Interestingly I know girls who say they're "emo," but I can't tell a heck of a lot of difference from being goth back when I was in high school.

Being metrosexual is a more adult phenomenon. Men who are "metrosexual," - i.e. sleep with women but do lots of primping and self-care - are professional men who in many ways are working (unconsciously, of course) to redefine masculinity in such a way that not caring for your skin, hands, etc. is not required to be "manly."

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

If I may...the word from the teens I know...

The skinny jeans are emo. That's cool. The goal is androgyny, which is why these boys often dye their hair, paint their nails, etc. Interestingly I know girls who say they're "emo," but I can't tell a heck of a lot of difference from being goth back when I was in high school.

Being metrosexual is a more adult phenomenon. Men who are "metrosexual," - i.e. sleep with women but do lots of primping and self-care - are professional men who in many ways are working (unconsciously, of course) to redefine masculinity in such a way that not caring for your skin, hands, etc. is not required to be "manly."

I feel like my "cool points" went up a couple of notches just reading that.

[Zan&Zav]

if my son went to school with a pink purse he would be beat to a pulp. it's wrong and i know its wrong. he does what he wants and dresses as he wants when he is home but going to school there is no purses or painted nails, ect. i don't want him to have a target on his back and the kids here are horrible. kids have been beaten up for a lot less.