relationship stress with special needs parenting

[tribalmax]

Hello,

I am looking for resources (books really) about how to keep your relationship with your partner intact when your life is 1000 times more stressful than the average person because of the special needs of your kids.

I know that a higher percentage of families with special needs kids ends in divorce -- and it makes sense. It is hard! And the normal allowances we give each other for hard days don't really last over the years when most days are hard.

Does anyone have any ideas about books that deal with this subject?

Thank you!

[PNWmama]

I don't know, but I'm subbing for other's responses!

I do know that my dh and I have decided to start marriage counseling to help deal with things now before they can't be fixed.

[SpottedFoxx]

Another vote for counseling.

DH, DS and I see a behavioral therapist. It's as much for DS as it is for DH and me. Our biggest source of contention (where parenting is concerned) is disciplining DS. We have a family therapist that we can see (and do see as necessary) to help with other issues.

When things are falling apart, it helps to have an impartial 3rd party to be a voice of reason.

[tribalmax]

Thanks for the responses!

Unfortunately, our finances don't allow for counseling right now. We downgraded our insurance plans recently.

I am really hoping there is a book out there that is more specific to the high stress of our family that deals with relationship dynamics.

Thanks!

[mekat]

If you belong to a religion often times the pastor, priest or what ever your religion calls the head of their neighborhood branch will listen and provide a third party to vent to for free. My dad is a retired preacher for the United Methodist conference he would often counsel members in tough situations. I remember two decades ago a church member I was close to showing up at the parsonage in tears because her husband was pressuring her to abort her baby due to an abnormal screening. Thankfully she didn't listen to her DH because the screening was wrong and the baby was born 100% healthy. My dad didn't really tell her what to do just comforted her and gave her an outlet to vent too. That is just one example I know he has done this a thousand times over but that is the only one I have personal knowledge of because I was close to the church member and was at the parsonage when she showed up. Everything with the exception of that case my dad kept confidential even from immediate family and best friends so if you have a religious leader you trust that may be a place to start.

[tribalmax]

Thanks for the ideas, but no -- we are not religious.

[tribalmax]

I found this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Married-Specia...9484363&sr=8-1

I think I am going to order it -- will let you guys know if it is any good.

Has anyone read it?

R

[tribalmax]

just found a few more
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/189...A18OZMH8UQINVM

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/155...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193...=ATVPDKIKX0DER

[SpottedFoxx]

Tribal - there are many religious organizations that will provide you with counseling whether you share their religious views or not. I can only speak (from experience) to Jewish Family and Children Services. They work on a sliding scale and you pay whatever you can afford. Dear friends of mine are currently attending counseling there and are having great success. They are Christian. Religion was never discussed. They are also gay and that was not an issue either.

There are also state and city funded groups that provide counseling as well.

[tribalmax]

Thanks for the information. But the religious counselors wouldn't work for us.

This book I got is amazing though (Married with special needs Kids). It is exactly what we need. I highly recommend it.

[SpottedFoxx]

Originally Posted by tribalmax

Thanks for the information. But the religious counselors wouldn't work for us.

This book I got is amazing though (Married with special needs Kids). It is exactly what we need. I highly recommend it.

Glad the book is working out for you. Just for future reference, at Jewish Family (I am in no way affiliated - just have used many of their services) the counselors are not religious counselors. They are usually social workers of various religions themselves - just happen to be employed by JFCS.