Was anyone's UC NOT a profoundly life-changing experience? - Page 2

[Serenyd]

Originally Posted by MsBlack

My UC-transfer-csec occurred when I was 41, and in an abusive relationship. That whole period of my life was hugely stressful! It was the first time that I didn't UP/UC--but had an OB co-care (the backup OB for my midwifery practice, he knew I was planning hb if not UC). Somehow I thought it would be better to have that, and it was--I kind of thought (without really thinking much about it) that if I needed *any* med help, I'd need 'the whole 9yards'. Tho of course it begs the question: did having an OB backup help LEAD to problems for me? Or was it solely an indicator that I intuitively knew I'd have problems? Who knows. In any event, I pretty much ran the prenatal show, blew off his concerns about my age and baby's size, didn't do any testing, just the standard b/p, urine strip, etc. I did have one u/s near the end--I laughed at my OBs worries about baby size since I'd already UCed a 10lb baby, but decided to follow his rec for a u/s just to see what it was like (in 6pregnancies, had never had one).

I just wanted someone I trusted to be there for me at the hospital should I need that...and he was. He was pretty great actually...hehehehe, for an OB! I am definitely grateful that he was there for me, I know going in cold could have been QUITE a different story...but also I'm definitely clear that *I* made all the decisions, do not think of him as my hero or anything (then again, NO ONE is my hero but me, except when I'm not )

Anyway--my life at that time was not on an even keel in any way, and it is to all that immense stress/insecurity that I attribute my son's somewhat traumatic birth. Did being a mw help? I don't know...maybe a little. I saw signs that there were potential troubles brewing, but I could have seen those signs as well, just being a well-informed UC mom (mec and blood). I did know I was not 'midwife enough' to be my own mw in case my son was in need of help at birth.

I knew there was a problem, and I was the one to call for surgery after laboring more hours at the hospital--my doc was willing to go on a bit more, despite very low, very long decels, lots of mec and small but gradually increasing blood flow w/contrax. My son kept trying to descend, then jerking back up again, over and over and over again! It was maddening. I knew I could have gotten him out fast--but the doc wanted me to wait cuz I was 'only 8cm' and it gave me time to consider (tho being in high intensity labor, it wasn't exactly 'thinking') that if I DID push him out, chances are we'd both be in trouble--at least as far as my med helpers wanting to give us both the maximum of intervention! So I just insisted on surgery--turns out my son was so wrapped up in the cord that he couldn't descend, and was pulling on the placenta every time he tried-- which had started to detach a bit (explaining the bleeding, and probably the mec, too--LOTS of cord compression tho he always recovered well btwn contrax).

Anyway--a very traumatic time for me all around; it was VERY hard to come to peace with that birth because the birth was so wrapped up in the wreck of my whole life at the time. I got rid of the abuser pretty soon, but he spent another 3 yrs making mischief of various sorts. My son by the way was fine--NO NICU, apgars of 9 &10, he stayed w/me except a brief period while I was in recovery (only because I failed to ask/insist to just hold him then), we were home in 48hrs...I doubt we'd have seen that if I'd pushed him out, or waited much longer for surgery. I think it would have been the whole resuscitation 9yards, NICU, more problems caused by 'medical cures' etc.

So in the end I do know it was the right call, and do claim my power and knowing at that birth...in the long run, perhaps it was my MOST empowering birth because as stressed out as I was at the time, being victimized by that guy, well it's quite a feat to have remained clear enough to make good calls at the birth. But it's taken me a LONG TIME to get there!

Otherwise, for me my other 'successful' UCs were less dramatic by far. Just normal birth...an everyday miracle...wonderful, blissful, but also kind of like 'of course I had a normal good birth--birth works.'

I MsBlack. When are you going to write that book?

[Serenyd]

My 1st UC was totally life-changing, empowering, exhilarating! My 2nd UC was kind of anti-climatic. I didn't get a true "birth high" afterwards, which I attribute to being exhausted from laboring through the night. I talked about it in my birth story, about it being just a birth, just a normal event. It was special but in a different way from the "fireworks" kind of awesomeness I associate with my son's UC. I'm so thankful I had her and it was easy and the birth was not a big deal, no complications to worry about. Everyone who knew I had my last baby unassisted, it wasn't a big deal to them either, it was like, oh, so you popped out another one? Well good-o for you. But nobody gave me a hard time about it either. I'm glad for both my UC births, they each affected and changed me in a different way, and both were positive experiences.

[StrongBeliever]

My UC experience WAS very profound and beautiful. I definitely do not hesitate to say that it was a life changing experience. My first child was born in the hospital... I went in wanting as natural a birth as could be managed(young an uninformed) and while I didn't have a gob of intervention, I feel like I got steam rollered by the hospital system. I blocked a lot of it out at the time, but looking back at pictures my face looks like that of a rape victim. Just crushed and weary and sad. I told myself I would never do that again.

I came to UC kind of organically... Just started looking at home birth options and stumbled across it. I knew it was right for me. Despite that, I think that there was a lot of latent doubt in myself... I think it was the kind of thing we get ingrained in our personalities growing up in our society. Always thinking that there was someone out there who knew better than myself. Thinking there was some expert who could do it better. I had a lot of self esteem issues. Working up to my UC, I worked through a lot of these issues in my mind. Talking to my sisters about it, explaining my choice... I basically talked myself into believing in myself.

The real change and test of all my talk came with my DD's birth. Those first few contractions rammed the nail home... Yes, I can do this. I am strong. I am brave. My body is capable. The most profound thing about my UC was this... It absolutely obliterated any fears I may have had about death. Having my life completely entwined with the life of another, taking full responsibility of any outcome... It was just mindblowing. We were free to die in the moment, or free to live. And I think in losing that fear of death, of both myself and someone I love dearly, I was opened up to a wider opened world. I knew that I could do anything. That anyone could do anything. Having no fear of death is like having no fear of anything... It's probably the same thing, in the end. Being fearless is being free. I truly understand freedom after my UC. That makes me a better person, all around.

I am expecting my third baby, and planning my second UC. Once a thing is learned, there is no unlearning it. I am approaching this birth fearless, which is the big difference. I look forward to any lesson that this upcoming birth may teach me, but will be completely satisfied just to birth my baby into an aura of good intention, love and freedom without putting any notches on the proverbial bedpost of things conquered.

A moment on the nitty gritty, all transcendentalism aside... Yeah, it HURT. But it was more the mind-over-matter pain of running your best mile ever. My hospital birth, drugs and epidural included, also HURT. But it hurt badly. I felt not only pain in my body, but pain in my heart and mind and soul. I was not a victim of the pain in my UC. I hold no apprehension about the most probable pain of my upcoming birth. Just another day and another baby, and that's what's so beautiful... Every day and every baby is beautiful once you've been made to see them that way.

[MsBlack]

Originally Posted by StrongBeliever

A moment on the nitty gritty, all transcendentalism aside... Yeah, it HURT. But it was more the mind-over-matter pain of running your best mile ever. My hospital birth, drugs and epidural included, also HURT. But it hurt badly. I felt not only pain in my body, but pain in my heart and mind and soul. I was not a victim of the pain in my UC. I hold no apprehension about the most probable pain of my upcoming birth. Just another day and another baby, and that's what's so beautiful... Every day and every baby is beautiful once you've been made to see them that way.

Bravo!!! Exceedingly well said I loved your whole post, but this last part makes my heart sing

[MsBlack]

Originally Posted by Serenyd

I MsBlack. When are you going to write that book?

Awwww...THANKS!

I'm thinking that book might have to get started soon....there have been some, uh, changes recently that may well mean I have to essentially retire from practice. Might as well write while I'm looking for some honest way to make a living!

[Astraia]

Originally Posted by kittywitty

Nobody wanted to talk about it and dh and I still really haven't. He's all for UC, but I think it would be nice this time to have someone there to help out which makes me feel a little guilty when dh can't understand why I won't UC. I did have personal growth after that birth, but mainly from my research pre-birth on how natural birth is and it really helped me resolve a lot of my feelings around [my]

I don't talk about it with anyone. I know it makes them uncomfortable.
I told DH I was thinking hospital (or midwife, if we can get one!) for our next baby, if we have one, and he looked at me funny. "Why?!? After everything, NOW you want the hospital?"

I feel the same personal growth as a result of research and coming to terms with the idea of UC before our baby was born. None of that growth happened as a result of the UC itself.

[tammyswanson]

My first baby was a U/C, but yeah, I didn't feel empowered, or anything like that. It was more like a fact of life for me or a job to do, lol! DH was in the kitchen because I told him to stop watching me because it was distracting, but once the baby was out, I didn't really feel any rush of emotions, or joy or anything, all I did was say 'He's out", lol!

Hopefully this one will be different and better, as this time I'm doing hypnobabies, have a birthing ball and birth pool ready. Last time it was in a horribly cramped bathtub that probably slowed things down due to me not wanting to get out of it.

Don't get me wrong, I'd definitely do the UC HB every time I could, but it wasn't any earth moving experience for me. Probably didn't help that I had to clean up everything afterwards, lol! Plus my placenta took 9 hours to come out!

[gossamerwindweb]

my UC took a really long time. By the time he was born, I had been in hard labor for over 24 hours (the last 10 of which was transition-type contractions)... once he was born I was just relieved it was over. My biggest regret about my UC was having preconceived notions. I thought it was going to be just perfect. But.... it wasn't. I thought I could have a painless labor. I didn't. The ONLY part of my body that didn't hurt the next day was my vagina. The birth was a piece of cake. It was the labor getting to that point. If I didn't have a good friend who is a midwife that I could call at the end (she lives in another state, so it was just a phone call, she didn't come over)... I would have gone to the hospital. I was so, so desperate and in so much pain. She gave me options, we decided which one to take, and WALA he was born. But... yeah, if I had another one, I would plan a UC again... but I wouldn't make the mistake of thinking that it would be perfect.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by StrongBeliever

My UC experience WAS very profound and beautiful. I definitely do not hesitate to say that it was a life changing experience. My first child was born in the hospital... I went in wanting as natural a birth as could be managed(young an uninformed) and while I didn't have a gob of intervention, I feel like I got steam rollered by the hospital system. I blocked a lot of it out at the time, but looking back at pictures my face looks like that of a rape victim. Just crushed and weary and sad. I told myself I would never do that again.

I came to UC kind of organically... Just started looking at home birth options and stumbled across it. I knew it was right for me. Despite that, I think that there was a lot of latent doubt in myself... I think it was the kind of thing we get ingrained in our personalities growing up in our society. Always thinking that there was someone out there who knew better than myself. Thinking there was some expert who could do it better. I had a lot of self esteem issues. Working up to my UC, I worked through a lot of these issues in my mind. Talking to my sisters about it, explaining my choice... I basically talked myself into believing in myself.

The real change and test of all my talk came with my DD's birth. Those first few contractions rammed the nail home... Yes, I can do this. I am strong. I am brave. My body is capable. The most profound thing about my UC was this... It absolutely obliterated any fears I may have had about death. Having my life completely entwined with the life of another, taking full responsibility of any outcome... It was just mindblowing. We were free to die in the moment, or free to live. And I think in losing that fear of death, of both myself and someone I love dearly, I was opened up to a wider opened world. I knew that I could do anything. That anyone could do anything. Having no fear of death is like having no fear of anything... It's probably the same thing, in the end. Being fearless is being free. I truly understand freedom after my UC. That makes me a better person, all around.

I am expecting my third baby, and planning my second UC. Once a thing is learned, there is no unlearning it. I am approaching this birth fearless, which is the big difference. I look forward to any lesson that this upcoming birth may teach me, but will be completely satisfied just to birth my baby into an aura of good intention, love and freedom without putting any notches on the proverbial bedpost of things conquered.

A moment on the nitty gritty, all transcendentalism aside... Yeah, it HURT. But it was more the mind-over-matter pain of running your best mile ever. My hospital birth, drugs and epidural included, also HURT. But it hurt badly. I felt not only pain in my body, but pain in my heart and mind and soul. I was not a victim of the pain in my UC. I hold no apprehension about the most probable pain of my upcoming birth. Just another day and another baby, and that's what's so beautiful... Every day and every baby is beautiful once you've been made to see them that way.

What a wonderful account! And I totally agree with you. I often think about whether I could have a different birth after UC-ing, but I think that the answer is no, not for reasons that have nothing to do with the birth itself. The trouble I had in getting the birth certificate after my son's birth made me wonder whether I should at least be hiring a midwife. After some reflections, the answer is "No, birth is too important to compromise on".

[lafemmedesfemmes]

i'm not sure of the best way for me to answer this. my first pregnancy ended with a reasonably positive hospital birth, but the pregnancy/birth/childrearing continuum was interrupted because i surrendered that child for adoption. even still, the experience of giving birth was awesome for me (even as it was also painful and a little gross ), and it wasn't until i stumbled upon unassisted birth stories on the internet a few years later that i realized that there could be more to this whole giving birth thing.

after my first unassisted birth, i was thrilled that it worked for me, but i don't know if the act of birthing unassisted was life-changing for me in any way that's unconnected to becoming a mother for the first time, you know? i can say that birthing unassisted-- the first time-- gave me a good foundation of confidence to start out my life as a parent, because i was already intending on approaching parenting from such a different direction from the majority of my family and friends. i've already birthed at home with no midwife and cleaned up my own placenta-- breastfeeding and cloth-diapering and all rest shouldn't be all that big of a deal, right? right?

my second unassisted birth was a matter of course as far as my husband and i were concerned, and i wouldn't really consider it a game-changer either. the birth did teach me more respect for the process, though, in that that labor was very different from what i was anticipating and from what i had already experienced-- from the length of gestation (43ish weeks), to the progression of the labor (first time dealing with prodromal labor), to the intensity of it (i'd had back labor with my first, but opted for drugs around 4cm... that wasn't an option this time!), to my recovery afterward (i felt like i'd been hit by a truck even days later). while i was fine and the baby was fine, and we had no problems with bonding and nursing and all, it took me some time to reconcile my second uc experience with my first.

but even with all that, i'd hesitate to call it life-changing, though (outside of medical necessity, of course!) i have no intention of birthing any other way.

christina

[Black Orchid]

I haven't had a UC yet! But I don't expect it to be life changing... in fact I want it to feel integrated into our life... like just another day, working together and being a family.

My second birth (birth center, natural) was super-empowering because it contrasted so sharply to my first. I felt so amazing because I did it without any medical intervention. I woke up, went into labor by nursing my DD1 and went to the BC to have my baby. 4 hours later she was here and 3 hours later we were home.

The only thing that could top that is having a UC that is like a normal day. I cannot wait to be pregnant one day and then have a baby the next without a big production or leaving the house!

[mauinokaoi]

"I was wondering how other UC-ers feel about their experience(s). What did your UC do for you? Was UC "just a birth" for anyone here? Is there anyone who was NOT profoundly affected by their birth experience on a deeply personal level? "

It strengthens my resolve everyday. I know now i can trust my instincts. I can stand up to the whole world that says my lifestyle is wrong. I know what is right. I am the strongest person i know.

thank you for asking this question because i never thought about it until now.

[fairydoula]

Originally Posted by Illiana

I haven't had a UC yet so I'm eagerly reading all the reflections on everyone's UC.



Sorry but this totally made me laugh. But on a serious note, I'm a bit concerned on how DF will react once we're there. He's fine with it all and whatever i want to do, but i'm just worried that he'll freak out and in return freak me out.

About DH's with bad timing, my husband was in the shower with shampoo in his hair when I started to push. I didn't know i was about to push either. I got in the tub, he got in the shower. Labor had been so calm and smooth he thought we had hours. LOL!!! He was going to go to the store, get snacks, drinks, etc, and come back in 20 min. I got in the tub, totally relaxed, more than I could have ever imagined, and FELT myself dilating, which was super cool, and then freaked for one contraction, because it was SO intense, then realized I was complete and started to push! Had my sister not been there and pried my fingers off her to run and get my DH out of the shower, he would have missed it! HAHAHA
As it was, it took him "forever" to get OUT of the shower, after rinsing his hair, dry off, sortof, and put on shorts, to come the whole 10 feet over to the tub just in time to step in and catch her! LOL! It was hilarous to me, in retrospect, but my sister did NOT think it funny! She was panicked, but I was completely calm and in the zone. The midwife didn't make it there till an hour later... major screwup in communications between her and her partner midwife, argh. But, that was my first and unintentional UC and it was perfect!
- Jen

[GinnyMama]

I've not read a whole lot of prior responses...



But this thread makes me smile. Because that is exactly what this is about. I feel like... if you have it in your heart and your head that UC is the right thing to do, then the change has already taken place. Regardless of how the birth ends up, you already understand that in the vast majority of cases, birth is natural and wonderful, and spiritual and life-altering. Whether you decide to UC and end up having a c-section, or whether you decide to UC and end up giving birth alone in the woods, you *get it*. When you decide to UC or UP... THAT is the change. What comes after is purely coincidental.

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by mauinokaoi

"I was wondering how other UC-ers feel about their experience(s). What did your UC do for you? Was UC "just a birth" for anyone here? Is there anyone who was NOT profoundly affected by their birth experience on a deeply personal level? "

It strengthens my resolve everyday. I know now i can trust my instincts. I can stand up to the whole world that says my lifestyle is wrong. I know what is right. I am the strongest person i know.

thank you for asking this question because i never thought about it until now.

That is how I feel too! Thanks for posting that!

[MittensKittens]

Originally Posted by GinnyMama

I've not read a whole lot of prior responses...



But this thread makes me smile. Because that is exactly what this is about. I feel like... if you have it in your heart and your head that UC is the right thing to do, then the change has already taken place. Regardless of how the birth ends up, you already understand that in the vast majority of cases, birth is natural and wonderful, and spiritual and life-altering. Whether you decide to UC and end up having a c-section, or whether you decide to UC and end up giving birth alone in the woods, you *get it*. When you decide to UC or UP... THAT is the change. What comes after is purely coincidental.

Yes! I agree.

[sapientia]

After a beautiful almost painfree birthcenter birth with a mw, then an insanely long and painful hb with midwife, our third child (first boy) was born UC-and it was fantastic. My shortest labor, easiest, not a lot of pain straight forward birth. I never worried in the slightest. I felt great.
I didn't UC with the next two (one was mw assisted at home, the other a birthcenter birth mw assisted) because I never got that...mental and heart felt 'go ahead' assurance. There were a few issues in those births that while they weren't a big deal overall, I know ME and I know I would have made them into something bigger. So I went with my gut instinct and I was right.

[angelarose1]

Just another happy day for me

When I gave birth to my son, it was just another day. I chose to UC without hearing about it from others, doing research, or having a bad assisted experience. It was just what I wanted. Becoming a mother has definitely changed me but not the birthing experience itself.