Going to sleep by himself....(23 months old) X-posted in FBNP

[LadyCatherine185]

Not getting any replies in the Nighttime Parenting board, maybe because we don't co-sleep anymore.. Need some advice please! Thanks Mamas!

So we're definitely in a much better place than we have been in DS's life with sleeping now. He sleeps in his own bed, usually wakes 1-2 times a night (typically close to the morning) and has even slept through the night a handfull of times.

My question is-- It still takes FOREVER to get him to sleep at night. We have a consistent routine of reading books, cuddling in bed, then Daddy holds him on the bed until he is asleep. But he still fights it pretty bad, and it can take up to an hour of the holding on the bed (after 30 minutes of reading, cuddling) before he finally falls asleep. For naps, I typically rock him to sleep in 15-30 minutes, but that is becoming incredibly uncomfortable with my growing belly and his 31 pounds! We are having a new baby in November, and my DH goes out of town for work 1-2 nights a week, and there is no way I can spend 1.5 hours + getting DS1 to sleep at night.

I would like to continue with the reading/cuddling before bedtime, but is there any way I can gently/slowly over the next couple months push him towards falling asleep by himself? Also, he seems to be more stimulated by our presence there, as he tries to talk/play with us while putting him to sleep.

FWIW, he is 23 months old and very verbal (400+ words, speaks in 5 word sentences, etc). While nightweaning at 19 months, we did a slow version of the Jay Gordon method, and he went from waking every hour to nurse to sleeping 5-8 hour stretches with no tears. So I know if I gently push him towards this it is possible because he understands what I say and he can adapt to change. I just don't know how to go about it.

Any advice or words of wisdom are appreciated! Thanks Mamas!

[not_telling]

With my DS (also almost 2), after he stopped falling asleep while nursing, I was getting frustrated by the amount of "hands-on" time I was having to spend to get him to fall asleep - not to mention that it was killing my body (e.g. sciatica from leaning over into his crib to pat him, etc.).

I think I posted this in the Nighttime Parenting forum, in response to someone else's post...

Now, after stories in the rocking chair, he and I have "huggies" for a little bit in either the rocking chair or in the mommy daddy bed. Then I put him in his bed (crib) totally awake and cover him with his blankies. I lay on my bed (his crib is right next to the bed) and I hold his hand for a little while. If he doesn't fall asleep after several minutes, I gently take my hand away, tell him I can't hold his hand anymore (sometimes I say it's hurting my hand to have it through the slats on the crib), but that I'll stay with him until he falls asleep. Then I quietly read a book in bed. Some days he'll shift around a little and then fall asleep. Other days he talks and plays around for 20-30+ minutes. On those days, every 10 minutes or so I remind him that it's not a talking/playing time. Eventually he just goes to sleep and I'm not feeling frustrated because I get to read, which I love doing, of course.

For my own sanity, when we've intiated changes in routine, I tell myself that he's "practicing" - he's practicing going to sleep without mommy or daddy holding him. That way, when it's a harder day, I can kind of (usually) keep my expectations in check.

Good luck!!

[SeaBean]

Thanks for posting this! I could have written the same thing (and every night while I lay there waiting the 30-40 minutes for LO to fall asleep, I compose my MDC post in my head LOL). And that's after at least 15 minutes of stories and playing around, etc.

We did Jay Gordon nightweaning too and, same as you, it let me know that with some coaching, she can adjust.

How long does he nap during the day? I really don't want to give up the naptime (1.5-2 hrs), but one days she misses it or it gets cut short, she falls asleep much faster (like 10 minutes!).

I am thinking about some kind of timer system so it' s not me being the bad guy, it's the timer. So we'd set a timer for 5 min of play, 10 minutes of stories, then time to lay down... If only there was some kind of "quiet" timer that did not buzz.. I was thinking of somehow setting my cellphone alarm to a quiet, musical chime alarm.

Sometimes after we nurse for a while and she's really just kind of chewing, I say "Nursies are going to sleep now. Nursies are done after I count to 10." Which is often ok w/ her if she's truly sleepy. Then she'll roll over on her own.

I have not figured this out, but let's keep the discussion and updates going! I really like what PP said about keeping her sanity by remembering it's his "practice." Sometimes I do the same by thinking of the quiet old bunny lady in Goodnight Moon, rocking and waiting for bunny to fall asleep.

[lisalu100]

Nottelling, I do the same thing with my 12 month old. I used to lay in the big bed/sidecarred crib with her, and pretend to go to sleep myself, since she stopped nursing to sleep. I was getting so frustrated with it taking over an hour of her pinching me, scratching my face, climbing over me to go play etc, that I put the crib side back on, and I nurse, we cuddle and sing a couple lullablies, then I put her in her crib. My biggest problem now is that she drops her pacifiers over the side of the crib, and she needs them to sleep, so although I am just reading my book, I do often have to retrieve them. Now it takes about 20-30 mins of me reading my book, before she lays down by herself and goes to sleep. I much prefer bed-time this way, and although she cried for 2-3 mins a night (while I was next to her) for the first few days, now there is no crying.

I think the key to my sanity is that she is in her own space, as am I, and I can lie down and be comfortable, while gently waiting for her to go to sleep by herself, which she now does.