Tantrums at two

[lisalu100]

Uh, the screaming makes me sooo mad!

A, is 28 months. She tantrums 2/3 times per day. Is this average? She is very verbal (ie. I don't want to do that. Can I do this instead? Are you happy?)

Today, after the usual routine of play and breakfast, it was time to get dressed. She yelled no, ran away, I caught her, tried options, playfulness, but eventually just pulled her shirt off (we had to get going), explaining we had to get her brother to camp. The tantrum began. This is fairly typical. She screams so loudly it makes my ears ring, and I tell her she is making my ears hurt, and I walk away.

I need some other options for stopping this behaviour. I understand that this is fairly typical behaviour, but often, I tell her the tantrum will not get her what she wants, but if she stops screaming, I will hold her, and we can do xyz. She can stop the screaming immediately. I think I am at the stage that I need to try something else, some form of discipline if she has a tantrum. She needs to learn that this is not the way to behave.

Like I said, I understand it is hard for two-year olds to deal with the realities of advice, and I try to give advance notice, keep a consistent routine, be playful, but sometimes you have to do things you would rather not, and I am looking for consequences to having a screaming tantrum. Thanks for your advice mamas

[SundayCrepes]

I have found that if I give attention to a behavior it just reinforces it. I know it's hard when you've got places to go, but my best solution for a tantrum is a magazine. Sit down and read it until the tantrum is over. Then cuddle the child and tell them, "Those are really big feelings for such a little body." I'm sure they must feel horrible while they're tantruming. To get punished when you already feel so out of whack must be really awful. And what does it say about your relationship with your parents, "Gee, I feel bad inside, don't know how to handle it, then mommy takes away..." What does that say about mommy?

[donutmolly]

I actually think that you're handling the tantrums beautifully! I think that screaming 2 yo's are just... normal, and no, it's not very pleasant. Seems like you're keeping calm, not giving in to the tantrum, using good ideas to prevent the problem in the first place, and setting up boundaries.

If I can't handle the noise, I generally ask DD2 to go into her bedroom to finish screaming... now I know for some this would just create another battle, but she goes willingly (while screaming at the top of her lungs) and generally stays until she is quiet.

I'm not sure what kind of discipline you're thinking of? A consequence for screaming? I know that some toddlers respond to the "Happiest Toddler on the Block"-type of mirroring the emotion (You are so mad, you really don't want to put your shirt on. You'd like to run around naked today.) but it didn't really work for me.

Would it help to choose your battles (this is something I struggle with...) Would it have been terrible to buckle her in the carseat in her PJ's and bring along a bag of clothes to change her into later?

Just trying to come up with some options, I'm sure other people will have more ideas. But, really it seems like you're doing fine....