Hi everyone. I found this site and really appreciate being able to read through everyone's situations. I will try to recap my situation as briefly as possible but if I need to clarify anything, please let me know. X and I married in the USA in 1999, I moved to Australia in 2000 (he is an Australian cattle rancher). 2 DDs came along. X's father was very controlling (family ranching business), etc. . . I had to leave, as X wouldn't put our needs first, FIL made all the decisions for us. In AUS, you have to be legally separated for 1 year. We filed for separation in January, 2007 in AUS. CS was also filed for with no hassles. Custody agreement was I would have physical custody (joint legal) with summer break for him in AUS. I agreed to this, as I wanted to move back to MN and he had threatened to flag passports before when we were arguing. Agreement is I have to get the kids over at the start of the summer and he has to get them back at the end. Signed the divorce decree in 2008 (AUS divorce) stated that the custody agreement in place was the one we would go with.
Summer of 2008 & 2009, he came to visit during the summer for 2-3 weeks each. This year, I brought DDs 8 & 5 over in early June. His parents are bringing them back August 27th as they are taking a vacation in North America.
DD 8 is doing great! She sounds like she is having a really good time. DD 5 is not doing well at all. First 3 weeks, she was running away from home, stole a candy bar from the store and has stated no one loves her/she wants to kill herself. She also is having stomach pains that started in May (when we started packing, buying things for their trip, etc. . .) and have gotten progressively worse. It went from occasional pains to now waking her up at night almost every night. I took her to the doctor twice before we left and both doctors agreed it was just nerves and constipation. X’s fiancée (who lives with him & is pregnant) thought she should see a psychiatrist for social problems. She is also a K/1st grade teacher over there and thinks after seeing DD 5 in her class one day that she has developmental delays! These kids have been going to Kindergarten 5 days a week since January and she only did a few days of preschool until March and hasn't been to school since. How can she be compared to kids that are older and have more schooling than her???
I could go on and on but I hope you get the picture. She is not thriving there and her bad behavior was not present over here. X called me Saturday to tell me about the behavior problems and says they were in the first 3 weeks of her being there (it is 5 weeks now, they have 5 weeks left). He admitted her behavior was driving him crazy and it sounds like he threatens her with spankings and does spank her. When I asked him what he said to her statement of killing herself his reply was “Don’t be bloody stupid. That’s a stupid thing to say!”. I’ve sent him emails saying she should come home now. When I talk to DD, she only says she wants to come home, please can she come home. He says he’s not against her coming home but doesn’t want to rush into anything. Talked to him again on Wednesday night and he says she’s fine.
But she is reluctant to talk to me on the phone now. I couldn't even talk to her last night, she absolutely refused. Last Saturday night, she did not want to talk to me either but I know X sat her down and threatened her (he admitted it later) that she WILL talk to me. That's not what I want.
But I am very worried about her. It just sounds like he is hard on her and I don’t think his fiancée is helping the matter. I am thinking once she does get home, she will be a very angry little girl and it will take a long time for her to get comfortable again. I would like to take her to a child specialist to get her evaluated for proof for next year. X has also been secretive with me about his fiancee from the very start. I have only found out about the milestones in their relationship through other local people who email me. I don't need him to ask permission but it would have been nice if he had told me she moved in with him over a year ago (found out from a friend), when they got engaged (again, friend told me) and now, that they are getting married in a few weeks (friend got a wedding invitation). That's why I think he can be very secretive when he wants to about things that affect the girls' lives and won't admit things aren't great.
I also don’t know if I can file something here if I do get proof to change the custody agreement.
Any suggestions? I am so afraid that she thinks I won’t let her come home when I really want her to!
Summer of 2008 & 2009, he came to visit during the summer for 2-3 weeks each. This year, I brought DDs 8 & 5 over in early June. His parents are bringing them back August 27th as they are taking a vacation in North America.
DD 8 is doing great! She sounds like she is having a really good time. DD 5 is not doing well at all. First 3 weeks, she was running away from home, stole a candy bar from the store and has stated no one loves her/she wants to kill herself. She also is having stomach pains that started in May (when we started packing, buying things for their trip, etc. . .) and have gotten progressively worse. It went from occasional pains to now waking her up at night almost every night. I took her to the doctor twice before we left and both doctors agreed it was just nerves and constipation. X’s fiancée (who lives with him & is pregnant) thought she should see a psychiatrist for social problems. She is also a K/1st grade teacher over there and thinks after seeing DD 5 in her class one day that she has developmental delays! These kids have been going to Kindergarten 5 days a week since January and she only did a few days of preschool until March and hasn't been to school since. How can she be compared to kids that are older and have more schooling than her???
I could go on and on but I hope you get the picture. She is not thriving there and her bad behavior was not present over here. X called me Saturday to tell me about the behavior problems and says they were in the first 3 weeks of her being there (it is 5 weeks now, they have 5 weeks left). He admitted her behavior was driving him crazy and it sounds like he threatens her with spankings and does spank her. When I asked him what he said to her statement of killing herself his reply was “Don’t be bloody stupid. That’s a stupid thing to say!”. I’ve sent him emails saying she should come home now. When I talk to DD, she only says she wants to come home, please can she come home. He says he’s not against her coming home but doesn’t want to rush into anything. Talked to him again on Wednesday night and he says she’s fine.
But she is reluctant to talk to me on the phone now. I couldn't even talk to her last night, she absolutely refused. Last Saturday night, she did not want to talk to me either but I know X sat her down and threatened her (he admitted it later) that she WILL talk to me. That's not what I want.
But I am very worried about her. It just sounds like he is hard on her and I don’t think his fiancée is helping the matter. I am thinking once she does get home, she will be a very angry little girl and it will take a long time for her to get comfortable again. I would like to take her to a child specialist to get her evaluated for proof for next year. X has also been secretive with me about his fiancee from the very start. I have only found out about the milestones in their relationship through other local people who email me. I don't need him to ask permission but it would have been nice if he had told me she moved in with him over a year ago (found out from a friend), when they got engaged (again, friend told me) and now, that they are getting married in a few weeks (friend got a wedding invitation). That's why I think he can be very secretive when he wants to about things that affect the girls' lives and won't admit things aren't great.
I also don’t know if I can file something here if I do get proof to change the custody agreement.
Any suggestions? I am so afraid that she thinks I won’t let her come home when I really want her to!
