DD1 is 11 1/2, DS is 5. We bought a pool membership for our town pool this year. It's a bit of a struggle whenever we go, because dd2 is only 2 months...there is no shade there in the actual pool, and I'm not comfortable with sunscreen on a babe this age, and I don't like putting sunscreen on my chest or arms where she will be in sweaty contact with the sunscreen. So, I spend most of the time a few feet back from the pool in the shade. I do take her in the pool for 15-30 minutes here and there, in the mei tai with a sun hat facing away from the sun. DD1 likes to play in the deep end, DS has to stay in the shallow end.
So I expect them to play together for a small amount of time (15-20 minutes) then DD1 can go in the deep end for and equal amount of time. I've dropped her off when her friends are there so she has time to play unhindered by her brother. DS has a hard time playing with other kids. Most of the time they are all already in groups and if he asks if they want to play they say no. We bring toys to share or for him to play by himself, but he only wants DD1 to play with him - even when I offer to play with him, he still pesters her to play. This is an ongoing issue, regardless of location.
So today, the pool is fairly empty. The two of them played great for about a half hour in the shallow end. DD1 goes to th deep end and DS is chucking diving toys over the wall for her to retrieve, she's doing flips in the water and he's cheering her on, etc. Great! They're being awesome. They come out and take a break and lay on towels. DS has found a little boy to play with him, and I tell DD that now would be a GREAT time to had to the deep end for some "alone time." She says no, she wants to call her friends and then read a book. So naturally, when DS and his friend announce they are going in the pool, DD decides she's going into the deep end. I tell her that 1) none of her friends are there, so she really should be able to spend some time in the shallow end (3 feet) and 2) she had a perfect opportunity to spend time in the deep end and she decided not to take it. At the same time, I'm telling DS that there is FINALLY a kid his age to play with, so go have fun and let Sam do what she wants (I tell them this separately). So, the pouting starts from DD, DS starts harassing her to play. I do what I usually do and calmly sit with DS and explain that DD is not his toy and she can go do things without him, and that she already played with him for a long time. DD does what she usually does at this point, a BAD habit that I've talked to her about, and decides to throw herself up on a cross and says "FINE I'll play with you."
So they go play, she stands in the pool hunched over looking like someone just killed her cat.
I call them both up, tell them that this isn't working out so well, so we're leaving. They ask for one more chance. I agree, and same thing. DD stands in the water pouting. I get the baby settled at this point (she was fussing and nursing) and walk to the pool. I call to DS to come play with his friend, he comes over - I tell DD go jump in the deep end for a bit, and she responds with "that's not fun anymore."
So here's where I get pissed - I just calmly tell them, okay, no one's having fun, we're leaving. They're both sitting at the table thinking about things right now.
Now, this scenario usually plays out in one form or another whenever we go to the pool. She wants to go do her thing, he whines and cries about her not playing with him. I talk him off the ledge, then she comes over and martyrs herself and offers (with huge disdain) to play. I've told her countless times that when she does that, she's taking four huge steps back and undermining the lesson I'm trying to teach him, but she continues to do it.
So I'm about to sell off the pool membership. It almost seems at this point like it's more trouble than it's worth.
So lay it on me - am I expecting too much from either of them? I wish I could be in the pool with DS all the time, but that's not possible. And even if it were, he still wants to play with DD. The age difference between them is obviously a big factor, but I just don't know what to do. This scenario happens constantly at home, too...just replace "deep end' with "hiding in her room reading." I'm so sad and frustrated right now, and angry with them, too.
So I expect them to play together for a small amount of time (15-20 minutes) then DD1 can go in the deep end for and equal amount of time. I've dropped her off when her friends are there so she has time to play unhindered by her brother. DS has a hard time playing with other kids. Most of the time they are all already in groups and if he asks if they want to play they say no. We bring toys to share or for him to play by himself, but he only wants DD1 to play with him - even when I offer to play with him, he still pesters her to play. This is an ongoing issue, regardless of location.
So today, the pool is fairly empty. The two of them played great for about a half hour in the shallow end. DD1 goes to th deep end and DS is chucking diving toys over the wall for her to retrieve, she's doing flips in the water and he's cheering her on, etc. Great! They're being awesome. They come out and take a break and lay on towels. DS has found a little boy to play with him, and I tell DD that now would be a GREAT time to had to the deep end for some "alone time." She says no, she wants to call her friends and then read a book. So naturally, when DS and his friend announce they are going in the pool, DD decides she's going into the deep end. I tell her that 1) none of her friends are there, so she really should be able to spend some time in the shallow end (3 feet) and 2) she had a perfect opportunity to spend time in the deep end and she decided not to take it. At the same time, I'm telling DS that there is FINALLY a kid his age to play with, so go have fun and let Sam do what she wants (I tell them this separately). So, the pouting starts from DD, DS starts harassing her to play. I do what I usually do and calmly sit with DS and explain that DD is not his toy and she can go do things without him, and that she already played with him for a long time. DD does what she usually does at this point, a BAD habit that I've talked to her about, and decides to throw herself up on a cross and says "FINE I'll play with you."
So they go play, she stands in the pool hunched over looking like someone just killed her cat.
I call them both up, tell them that this isn't working out so well, so we're leaving. They ask for one more chance. I agree, and same thing. DD stands in the water pouting. I get the baby settled at this point (she was fussing and nursing) and walk to the pool. I call to DS to come play with his friend, he comes over - I tell DD go jump in the deep end for a bit, and she responds with "that's not fun anymore."
So here's where I get pissed - I just calmly tell them, okay, no one's having fun, we're leaving. They're both sitting at the table thinking about things right now.
Now, this scenario usually plays out in one form or another whenever we go to the pool. She wants to go do her thing, he whines and cries about her not playing with him. I talk him off the ledge, then she comes over and martyrs herself and offers (with huge disdain) to play. I've told her countless times that when she does that, she's taking four huge steps back and undermining the lesson I'm trying to teach him, but she continues to do it.
So I'm about to sell off the pool membership. It almost seems at this point like it's more trouble than it's worth.
So lay it on me - am I expecting too much from either of them? I wish I could be in the pool with DS all the time, but that's not possible. And even if it were, he still wants to play with DD. The age difference between them is obviously a big factor, but I just don't know what to do. This scenario happens constantly at home, too...just replace "deep end' with "hiding in her room reading." I'm so sad and frustrated right now, and angry with them, too.
