Tips for adjusting to a newborn with lots going on?

[BarnMomma]

We just welcomed a daughter to the family on 7/2 and while so far things are going well(been laying low), I have no clue how to manage when real life kicks back in.

We're a busy active family,DH,DS (3),and myself. I do all of our cooking from scratch, I grow most of our food, we travel, and we have a horse- a high needs horse who needs to be visited daily- a 45minute drive- and lots of other activities. It's never been a problem to balance. I take ds somewhere fun on a daily basis- park, aquarium, musuem, beach etc.

Enter DD. She's an easy baby except she won't let anyone hold her but me and she nurses round the clock, quite literally doesn't pull off much. She alsowillonly tolerate a sling when she'ssleeping. It's making the gardening impossible, making playing with DS impossible, making the horse trips difficult, and to top it all off- we just sold our house and need to be out by 9/1 and to save the $10-20K we were quoted by moving companies to pack and move us(are they insane or what!) we're using pods,storage,and doing it ourselves over the course of many weeks.

Can you offer me any tips for balancing all of this? I'm trying to keep DS's routine as regular as I can- he's been amazing- but I know how much of an adjustment this is for him. But I now have a baby I can't put down and I have to do all this extra work- and I worry that a move and a new baby is going to be too much for DS to handle- so I"m trying to keep things fun! But I'm already feeling a little burnt out.


Anyway- I need suggestions.
XO

I should mention that I'm tempted to let DS watch a movie during the day to get a break but he's starting a waldorf school in sept and they frown upon media and I"m trying to respect that- but it's tempting. We cut out movies/tv a few months back and DS has flourished but i need a break

[BarnMomma]

anyone?

[mandib50]

moved to life with a babe

[kismetbaby]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate mama! Kudos to you. . .I only have one LO and I don't manage to always cook, let alone grow my own food (although I dream of doing so). And we don't have any animals either. I can't imagine trying to do all you do. So I am not sure I have any tips. But my LO was very similar to yours in the beginning--nursed 24/7 wanted to be held all the time--it was tough. I am not sure there is much you can do besides honor this need and know that they will grow more independent with time. Hopefully by the time you have to move your DD will be a little more content.

My only other advice would be to look carefully at your situation and decide if there are some things that you can delegate or get rid of right now. Can someone else take care of the horse for awhile (for example)?

[carmel23]

Do you know any college kids home for summer? I'm thinking someone to take care of the horse and someone to play with DS.

A mother's helper can be a life-saver! They may even be able to warm up to DD and let them hold her every once in awhile.

Or a college student who can sometimes help pack? Clean, etc?

I bet there are lots of people who would love this kind of gig, even if it was for only a couple weeks, a month. Can you swing it at all? Trade a skill? Feed them meals?

Mama, you need help.

Oh, and one movie isn't going to be the end of the world, as long as there is someone there to watch it with him. I think you are right to not just sit him there, but it is really not the end of the world!

Moving for a 3 year-old is really different then moving as an adult, where time and space are more separate for you then a child. So if you have to, don't sweat it!

[bananabee]

Yeah, I agree. Find/hire someone to help out. It's the only way to retain your sanity. Being there for your daughter is the most important thing you can do now. I'd especially get help to pack and move you. What about friends, coworkers, church groups or people from other organizations? Even a nearby youth group.

Hope you get it all sorted out. Don't feel guilty for tending your newborn 24/7. This stage will pass soon enough. You'll never regret taking care of her. Nothing else right now is quite as important.

[gardenmommy]

I think you need to scale back on your expectations of what you can do. For ex: you mention that you take your DS somewhere fun on a daily basis. How about reducing that to once or twice per week? You need to rest, and running around every day is not conducive to resting.

Can you get someone else at the barn where your horse lives to take care of him for a couple of months? I used to ride a lovely dressage horse, and realized after my third baby was born that I just really couldn't keep up with the demands of my horse and my family. I hated to do it, but I finally sold him to someone who had more time for him than me; it was very difficult, to be sure, but my family must come first. I'm NOT saying you will have to sell your horse, just that you should def. not pressure yourself to keep up with a demanding schooling schedule right now. Maybe you could lease him to another rider for the rest of the season?

As far as cooking from scratch and gardening, I really do think you need to lower your standards a bit right now, lol. It's ok! I hear you, because those are both activities close to my heart. However, there is a time and place to just let some things go, and right now with a newborn is one of those times. As a PP said, this time will pass quickly, and soon your DD will be doing all of those things with you and more. If you can, get a neighbor or family member to help you with your garden, and see if you can get your church (or family, friends, etc.) to bring in a few meals. If you can, when you do cook, try to make some double batch meals to put in the freezer. There are lots of good prepackaged or frozen meals available, too, if you can afford them.

RE: movies, um... how are you supposed to pack up a house and move with an active toddler and demanding newborn, all without the benefit of any help or entertainment? I think that's asking a bit much (and I've moved several times with little ones). Your son will be fine if he watches a couple or even a couple dozen movies while you and your family are making this transition. Please don't beat yourself up over this. If it makes your life easier and everyone happy, it's ok for a little while. You can always get rid of the movies and tv after you move and get a little more settled. It doesn't have to be a forever thing.

I hope that I'm not coming across as harsh, because that's not my intention. However, I know how easy it is try to keep on with a busy, full life after a birth. I have the same problem, and a dear friend helped me realize that I just need to relax and let stuff go for awhile (my baby is #5, and 3 months old). Please take care of yourself! You aren't any good to anyone else if you are exhausted and depressed from trying to "do it all". Your children are growing up so fast, and soon they will be able to do so much more. Enjoy this time with them, and try not to stress about all the things you aren't getting done. *Everything* else but your family will wait. They are the most important things right now.

[Tjej]

My life isn't nearly as busy as yours, but I did find that going from one child to two (and from easygoing baby to not so easygoing baby) changed what I could have on my plate and still have our household be balanced at the end of the day(week/month).

Would your son play in a defined space while you packed? Playpen beside you or on a bed or something? That might help.

In general it sounds to me like your expectations of yourself are to be supermom all the time. I have found that with two kids it just isn't possible. Your newborn will settle in eventually and you will find a new rhythm that works well for your family. In the meantime you have a ton of urgent stuff to accomplish and you'll have to let some of your ideals go and subsist on a more minimal level of greatness.

Tjej

[mommariffic]

I'm in a similar boat, but with a lot less! Hugs to you momma

I've got an almost 3 week old, and an almost 3 year old DD and I think I expected to be able to do it all within days of my home birth. In reality, my DS wants to nurse ALL DAY and if he's not nursing he wants to be held ALL DAY by me and me only! Oh, and did I mention he hates being carried in his sling? The Moby Wrap is way too hot for me right now so I've been just carrying him in the crook of my arm if I want to get anything done.

For the remainder of the summer we hired a mothers helper, who's amazing. She takes my daughter to the park so I can nurse/nap during the day, helps with my son when I'm home so I can get things done around the house, and generally is a second pair of hands because right now well, our babes need us! They need to be held/nursed and it won't be forever.

Also, don't worry about movies! A few movies never killed anyone, and we've been watching them here. Try to find things that aren't just brainless TV - there are some great kids nature documentaries that DD loves, and we watch them and after try to do a craft or something to accompany what we watched.

[Norasmomma]

You really are going to have to lower some of your expectations of yourself for a bit, moving, new baby, a 3 year old....that alone would make me a bit crazy.

My son was the same as a newborn, he needed to be held all.the.time. He nursed for hours, he was so different than DD, she was all business, he lingered. He was fine with a wrap while he was sleeping, otherwise it was mama's arms.

I would have to give up a bit of something, for me I'd have to give up a bit on the scratch cooking. With a new baby that won't let you put them down that's the first-at least for me. Plus with moving, and all that some stuff is just gonna have to slide, you don't want to overwhelm yourself. If you must cook I'd try to make big batches and freeze stuff.

A little movie break is not going to ruin his life, and it will help you, if it's something calming and not overly stimulating do it.

[matthia]

Originally Posted by Norasmomma

A little movie break is not going to ruin his life, and it will help you, if it's something calming and not overly stimulating do it.

I have a friend with a 2yo to whom I lent my copy of the BBC PLanet Earth series and he loved it. If your 3yo like animals, he might also enjoy something like that. The narrative may be a little over his head, but it's hours upon hours of watching animals, and LOTS of baby animals as well. I feel a lot less guilty about stuff like Planet Earth than I do about Cars or Shrek...

[gardenmommy]

Originally Posted by matthia

I have a friend with a 2yo to whom I lent my copy of the BBC PLanet Earth series and he loved it. If your 3yo like animals, he might also enjoy something like that. The narrative may be a little over his head, but it's hours upon hours of watching animals, and LOTS of baby animals as well. I feel a lot less guilty about stuff like Planet Earth than I do about Cars or Shrek...

My kids also enjoy the Meercat Manor series from Animal planet.