My mother died two months ago. She was emotionally distant and abusive in my teen years and we fell apart badly and never recovered. Even when we talked we never shared our emotions.
I had thought I had come to terms with having no mother years ago. I was adopted, and there is a lot of trauma relating to my adoption - my mother adopted me from her sister so there wouldn't be the shame of a child out of wedlock. I found this out in a very traumatic sense, and from then on, I always felt I had two mothers and no moms.
But I find that is still very different from not having my mom around at all, and I don't really know how to cope with it. Sometimes I see only the positive things she did, forgetting all of the negative things. Sometimes it's the other way around.
To add more, my father, who was silent and sometimes complicit in the abuse, has come back into my life. And how. He expect to talk to me every day or several times a week. I haven't come to terms with my own grief at all but already I am helping him deal with his.
I don't know what to think. There was a sneaking sense of relief, and I know that's OK, but I didn't expect this kind of grief at the same time.
It's damn hard to lose your mother. I'm an only child and not close with any of my family. I have a wonderful loving partner and he helps a lot but...I need to talk and I feel like I need to talk to someone else. He still has both of his parents, and of course daughters react differently to the deaths of their mothers.
I'm not terribly young but not the 'usual' age to lose a mother - if there is such a thing. I'm 34 and mother was 66. I feel unanchored, like I will somehow float away.
There is the added dimension of the fact that it was only emotional abuse. Never physical, never sexual. I've been told all my life that it was "no big deal" because it was emotional, and I am almost coming to believe it now that she is dead, and it feels like a betrayal of self.
This post has already gone long enough! Anything anyone can help me with is appreciated. Thanks ahead of time.
I had thought I had come to terms with having no mother years ago. I was adopted, and there is a lot of trauma relating to my adoption - my mother adopted me from her sister so there wouldn't be the shame of a child out of wedlock. I found this out in a very traumatic sense, and from then on, I always felt I had two mothers and no moms.
But I find that is still very different from not having my mom around at all, and I don't really know how to cope with it. Sometimes I see only the positive things she did, forgetting all of the negative things. Sometimes it's the other way around.
To add more, my father, who was silent and sometimes complicit in the abuse, has come back into my life. And how. He expect to talk to me every day or several times a week. I haven't come to terms with my own grief at all but already I am helping him deal with his.
I don't know what to think. There was a sneaking sense of relief, and I know that's OK, but I didn't expect this kind of grief at the same time.
It's damn hard to lose your mother. I'm an only child and not close with any of my family. I have a wonderful loving partner and he helps a lot but...I need to talk and I feel like I need to talk to someone else. He still has both of his parents, and of course daughters react differently to the deaths of their mothers.
I'm not terribly young but not the 'usual' age to lose a mother - if there is such a thing. I'm 34 and mother was 66. I feel unanchored, like I will somehow float away.
There is the added dimension of the fact that it was only emotional abuse. Never physical, never sexual. I've been told all my life that it was "no big deal" because it was emotional, and I am almost coming to believe it now that she is dead, and it feels like a betrayal of self.
This post has already gone long enough! Anything anyone can help me with is appreciated. Thanks ahead of time.
