Okay, mystery solved.
I may be pregnant. Last time I was pregnant I got separated from my husband.
|She doesn't like the way the strawberries are on the pie? "This is what we have. Eat it or don't eat it, it's up to you." End of discussion.
We do that. My issue is that some things cannot be "disengaged". As in:
"You don't like being relatively quiet while your sister is napping? Um... um... okay. Uh..."
"You don't want to put on your harness while we drive to pick up your dad from a month at training at a minute's notice? Uh. You can stay, well, no you can't, uh, you can, uh..."
"You don't want to brush your teeth even though your dad's family has bad teeth and that lady gave you a lollypop at the park? Um. Okay. Your teeth will rot in your head, but whatever."
"You don't want to put the glass jar that you swiped from the shelf that we passed too close to down? Fine, you can pay for... er, I guess that would be me."
As you can see I also like to argue
but my point is, I'm talking non-negotiables here.
Not about the dress she wears.
And as for the cake, yes, I can disengage but she will follow me with it: "No, I do want cake." "Fine, eat this one." "Not this one." "We don't have another one." "Get another one." "No." "Why?" "This is not up for discussion." "Why?" "I'm tired." "Why?" "I don't want to answer that question." "ANSWER IT! Please! I said please!" "I'm sorry, I said I wasn't discussing it, and you didn't respect that. If you can't respect that, you need to leave."
"No! Why? Where? In time out?"
"Just... please stop."
"Please stop talking."
"Talking about what?"
Oh my God. Tell me your kids do this every other day. Tell me. She is just inexhaustible!
See... I don't know how to explain because she's just three and like that. Really. I try to avoid the argument but she follows me with it!
It seems SOOOO simple to say, tell her the answer, if she doesn't agree, make her do it, and if she hurts someone, ask her to sit alone or stay with me (but use no physical force).
In reality, those are not options for us.
She doesn't want an answer and she won't stay without physical restraint.
|so then is your daughter simply modeling/ following/ copying/ trying to be like her dad? Is her dad exactly like this, does he engage with you in the same exact way- and this is how she thinks one should act?
She imitates both of us but this started when he'd been away for a year. I think part of it is modeling but a large degree is inborn. They just get a high from it. Half his brothers and sisters are like that, half are not.
|Seriously? You would seriously do that? Please tell me you are being hyperbolic for the sake of good drama.
Not only that, but a lot of people on MDC recommend leaving the supermarket due to tantrums.
Of course, they also recommend going back in. But that's not always an option, is it?
Everyone I know says you leave the supermarket during a tantrum like that. I don't know a single person IRL who thinks it's acceptable to shop with a toddler screaming at the top of her lungs. Oh, it happens, but if it doesn't end? Yeah, you leave.
(Oh, and we're trying time-outs in a chair that is not isolated and that she stays on herself. It's been five returns to the chair and since it's bedtime, now she says she doesn't want to leave the chair since she doesn't want to go to bed.
She's in time-out because she didn't stop singing to let her sister at least fall asleep, even though I tried to do it the gentle way. I met a woman today whose child just stays in the chair. "She likes time out," she said. "It helps her calm down.")
|The biggest problem you have is that it sounds like your dh is probably continually engaging her since he's the same way. It's hard to get past if it's always being fed.
Well, no, with him and me, I tell him to stop or I'm leaving. With him and her, he's not around that much, but when he is, he is a taskmaster and very good at involving her in his tasks, distracting her. For some reason she doesn't like to do that with me, probably because it's not as novel. In terms of arguments, I don't let them get into escalating arguments (they both go into time-out! LOL!) and I take care of it often before it gets to that because he does feed it and I don't want that.
|Is there a set of behavioral codes for adults that even the under fives must adhere to that if you can't MAKE your kids follow your husband will be penalized?
The problem is this. Most families share a car. That is the beginning of many, many issues with kids. You see, the husband cannot take the car unless his wife doesn't need it until he comes back (it can be one or two or more miles away--walkable in the summer, but tough). So, in reality, the wife needs to drive him. She can't leave the kids, and then when he needs to come home to get something, he has no car.
Can he take a taxi? Yes, but these are military salaries and if he'd taken taxis last month, it would have eaten up about half our food budget.
So I drive him.
Luckily we just got our second car which he fixed up himself. I'm so proud of him. We have high, high hopes for that car, LOL! He will be MUCH more independent.
Even so, if for any reason he can't leave and he needs something (which happens after they get their weapons), I need to get it for him. Single soldiers live right next to their work so they can go home to get stuff with their weapons. Not married ones.
There is really not a lot that can be done. When he signed up we signed a form saying we as the family accepted the hardship. It's not legal so much as informational. And we knew it. In this economy, for us non-profit social workers to be living in a three-bedroom apartment overseas with health and life insurance, enough to live on, two weeks of vacation a year, plus education benefits that extend to our kids, frankly, we aren't complaining, not one bit.
I think that I have presented an overly negative picture thanks to undetected pregnancy hormones... she really does argue like that but it is in a genuinely playful way. And it's not all day. That WAS an exaggeration. Sorry.
It's more like... two or three key times.
But as I said the games and 1, 2, 3 that I'd moved to use with her sissy and have now re-employed with her are definitely helping.
If we can get the time-outs on, we will be really there.