poop training resistance/Power Struggle?

[sparkysgirl]

I have tried everything to get this kid to poop in the potty. She has been pee trained since she was 18 months, now she is 3.5! I think we are in a power struggle so I have totally dropped the issue with her, But doing this is what got me here in the first place. I would see that encouraging her to poop in the potty was doing no good, and back off for a while, then try again, ect. So were back to this point. She knows when she need too, even puts on a pull up herself, then goes in the bathroom and I change her in the bathroom, that's about all the progress we have made. I am so frustrated, I don't know what to do. Any advice. How can I make it her idea, because it seems that making it my idea makes it worse. She has done it a few times, but it happend when I wasn't paying attention or involved at all.

[SubliminalDarkness]

I fully realize this is not a popular opinion. And I will also say for disclosure's sake that we tried EVERYTHING else first.... potty charts, rewards, candy, ignoring, encouraging, etc. etc. And nothing was working. He was also 3 1/2, and I KNEW he could do it.

So, it took one and a half days of this.... I told him, IF he pooped in his underwear, whatever toy or book he was playing with at the time(because often he said he didn't want to stop playing to go potty) would be taken away for an hour AND he would go in a three minute time out. Like I said, took one and a half days, and bam, he was poop trained.

I wouldn't encourage this for everyone. It's certainly not a first line of defense. But for us, when nothing else was working, this did.

[Bokonon]

It's actually very normal. You may just have to let it go and she'll get there on her own.

[LuxPerpetua]

Originally Posted by Bokonon

It's actually very normal. You may just have to let it go and she'll get there on her own.

This. My dd is 4.5 and still doesn't poop in the potty. She has said she'll try at age 5. I see no point in pushing it as it doesn't really affect our lives much.

[RomanGoddess]

I don't know if this is your DD's case but many children fear seeing the poo in the toilet because it's like a part of them is going away.

If this is the case, you might offer to put a diaper on her when she has to go poo. Let her go in the diaper while she is sitting on the toilet or potty, then take off the diaper and wipe her when she is done. Flush the contents of the diaper when she is not around.

Eventually, once she gets more at ease, you can cut a hole in the diaper such that she isn't really going in the diaper at all but in the toilet. At that point, the diaper just serves as a psychological tool.

Lux Perpetua and Bokonon, what do you do when you are out and about or when your child is in school? I can't imagine something like that not having affecting our life a lot now or even when my daughter was 4.

Good luck!

[LuxPerpetua]

Originally Posted by RomanGoddess

I don't know if this is your DD's case but many children fear seeing the poo in the toilet because it's like a part of them is going away.

If this is the case, you might offer to put a diaper on her when she has to go poo. Let her go in the diaper while she is sitting on the toilet or potty, then take off the diaper and wipe her when she is done. Flush the contents of the diaper when she is not around.

Eventually, once she gets more at ease, you can cut a hole in the diaper such that she isn't really going in the diaper at all but in the toilet. At that point, the diaper just serves as a psychological tool.

Lux Perpetua and Bokonon, what do you do when you are out and about or when your child is in school? I can't imagine something like that not having affecting our life a lot now or even when my daughter was 4.

Good luck!

I just carry a couple of dipes in my bag. When she asks for one, I put it on her, she does her thing, and I wipe her standing up in a bathroom stall like I would had she gone on the potty. It's really not much of an inconvenience at all for us. Now, I do wish she'd poo in the potty but I also know I can't make her do it. She has to be the one to want to do it herself.

To the OP, is your child a stand-up pooper? My dd is and I've seen in other threads that kids who poop this way take much longer to PT on the poop front.

[sparkysgirl]

the baby stepping them to the potty was my last attempt that also failed. She refuses to sit on the potty with a pull up on (or without one). Bribes don't work either. we do dump the poo in the toilet though, at first she didn't wan't to flush it, was afraid the poop would drown...but she has got better about it. also tried just hiding the pull ups. she throws a big tantrum and holds in her poop till I give in, I just don't want to end up in one of those poo holding/constipation cycles and also it just seemed like it was very tramatic for her. If I do too much encouraging her to sit on the potty when she needs to go, she holds in her poop. I really feel like all of this is my fault. she knows when she needs to poop, she knows how to use the potty, but won't. I figure because I have nagged, begged, used sticker charts, bribes and all the ways that I could think of ( besides violence) to try to get her to do it, and she knows that she can control this. She won't/can't tell me why, just simply "I don't have to, or wan't to" I am just completly at a loss here and feel totally alone with it. It doesn't seem like its normal, common maybe.

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by RomanGoddess

I don't know if this is your DD's case but many children fear seeing the poo in the toilet because it's like a part of them is going away.

If this is the case, you might offer to put a diaper on her when she has to go poo. Let her go in the diaper while she is sitting on the toilet or potty, then take off the diaper and wipe her when she is done. Flush the contents of the diaper when she is not around.

Eventually, once she gets more at ease, you can cut a hole in the diaper such that she isn't really going in the diaper at all but in the toilet. At that point, the diaper just serves as a psychological tool.

Lux Perpetua and Bokonon, what do you do when you are out and about or when your child is in school? I can't imagine something like that not having affecting our life a lot now or even when my daughter was 4.

Good luck!

My son was a poop withholder, so he only went about once a week. I just carried pull-ups with me and he would tell me when he had to poop, so I'd put him in a pull-up, he'd do his business, then I'd change him. It only lasted for a couple of months, and it was over the summer, so he wasn't in school. And even this whole past year in school, I think he's only pooped there (in the potty, as he's been totally potty trained for almost a year) once or twice.

Honestly it really wasn't a big deal once I learned to just accept it and stop getting so frustrated about it. When he finally decided to try pooping on the toilet and saw that it wasn't a big deal, he never asked for a pull-up again and stopped withholding his poop. But he needed to get to that point on his own terms. He wouldn't even sit on the potty - ever - until that point. He had always peed standing up and was afraid to sit on the toilet. Even when he had sat on the little potty, he refused to do so without pants or when he had to poop.

[sparkysgirl]

LuxPerpetua, she poops laying down on her belly! she used to do this hiding under the coffee table until we bribed her to do it in the bathroom under a play tent.

[coop_mom]

Originally Posted by sparkysgirl

She won't/can't tell me why, just simply "I don't have to, or wan't to" I am just completly at a loss here and feel totally alone with it. It doesn't seem like its normal, common maybe.

this sounds exactly like what we go through, too, with our almost-4 y/o son and I gave up for now. We'd bribed and had success for two days and other times here and there but then he reverted. He just says he doesn't want to

since he poops on a pretty regular schedule, he usually goes in a pull up before we leave the house in the morning for school, right now, it really doesn't mess us up too much, but BOY is it frustrating. he will ask for a pull up if he's in big boy undies most of the time if he has to poop at other times (rare)

but as I was ready to beat my head against the wall, I thought about how we'd been raising him so far and we never really forced him to do anything else, so why start now (especially since we seem to be losing the battle!)

as long as it doesn't interfere with school, I think we'll just try and wait it out (for a while anyway), no matter how much it drives me crazy. Not sure what we'll do if his schedule changes, I don't want him in a pull up at school...

hugs and support to ya sparkysgirl!

--kristin

[sweetgrass]

Success!

I read your thread last week when we were in the thickest part of the worst power struggle to date over pooping in the potty and I'm here to report SUCCESS! It wasn't pretty, but we all made it through and my almost 4yr old son now goes on the poop on the potty with no resistance at all. He's actually really into it.

Let me start by saying I'm expecting twins in 2 months, so was really determined to make this happen and that helped because there were times when I was sure I was doing long term psychological damage to him.

I know many an AP parent won't agree, but we simply put our foot down and said "NO MORE DIAPERS, IT'S TIME." It took a week (4 days of which he held his poop in), and there were moments of anger and power struggling that I do wish I could go back and redo. But like I said, it's over and my son seems really good with it all. He's proud of himself. He just had a huge block/fear/stubborness that I really can't explain the reason for. I kept telling myself that he will have bigger hurdles in life than this, and it provided the opportunity to talk with him about how change can be hard sometimes. Here's our timeline:

Saturday:He had to go on the pot w/Dad because they were out at the waterslide and there were no diapers. It wasn't easy, but dad succeeded. So that's when we decided to draw the line with him.

Sunday: He refused to do it again and the struggle began. We were firm. He held it in

Monday: He held it in again. He was cranky as all get out all day and so were we.

Tuesday. He held it in again. We talked about the consequences of holding it in. I explained that it only gets harder to go. I actually explained what a suppository is to him. This was the night we ended up having an ugly struggle with everyone at their wits end about it. I do wish I could go back and remain in a loving space with him.

Wednesday: He pooped in his pants at play school/camp. This is when i was sure if I didn't give in, he would just start going in his pants all the time. I tried not to shame him about it, but I did let him know it isn't acceptable to do when you can go in a toilet instead.

Thursday: We were at the pool and he tried to hold it in. I got him to the toilet and he went on it! I think this is the day that he started to accept that we weren't going back to diapers.

Friday: We had a moment back at the waterslide where he refused and fought me in the bathroom. I gave up the fight and simply told him to let me know when he was really ready. About 1/2 an hour later he asked me to take him to the bathroom.

And that was it. He's willingly gone on the potty ever since. So I'm here to say it takes determination but you can do it. I know if we didn't make the decision for him he would gladly put his own diaper on for pooping for at least another year I'd say or longer.

After the initial fight that I regret, I just tried to be there for him in the most loving way that I could. I would squat down in front of him and whisper how much I love him in his ears and we held each other as he went. After there were many a high five and lots of ice cream. Before he did it, bribing was useless, he wouldn't go for anything.

I hope this helps somehow.