DH's dad has cancer..Should I offer help/advice?

[blessedmama59]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post, so I apologize if it isn't. My fiance's dad was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. They did other tets, and it appears the cancer hasn't spread (thankfully). They go in Tuesday to discuss treatment options with the doctor. Anyway, I was thinking about emailing them some articles on alternative therapies, with hopes of them reading them with an open mind. I really would like them to learn about how touch therapy, Reiki, and massage can be wonderful ways to combat the pain/stress/exhaustion from cancer and cancer treatments. I would be the one performing these therapies, so it would be free of charge. I just know it would be so good for his spirit, if nothing else. I also wanted to send them an article on the substance in breastmilk that kills cancer cells. I'm not saying I expect him to agree to drinking glass fulls of my breastmilk, but what would hurt adding an ounce or two to a glass of milk or cup of coffee? I mean it may be a little taboo to some, but it is proven science. He's an AF retiree and just an all around hard-headed, old school kinda guy, and his wife is very much about mainstream, Western medicine. They both have several health conditions (type 2 diabetes, history of heart attacks/strokes, overweight) and their diet is AWFUL. They also used to drink heavily and smoke, so they really have never been proactive about their health. I'm just worried they'll be offended more so than open-minded. I really don't want them thinking I'm some weirdo when all I want to do is help.

[zinemama]

Ask yourself the following questions:

How well do you know these people?

Do they like you?

Do they consider you part of the family?

Do they respect your point of view or see you as a wacky hippie?

Has this hard-headed ex AF guy ever given you any reason to suppose that he would consider drinking his son's fiancee's breast milk?

I guess what I'm saying is, love and support are always welcome. But the other stuff is really a case of know your audience.

[Annie Mac]

Originally Posted by blessedmama59

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post, so I apologize if it isn't. My fiance's dad was just diagnosed with prostate cancer. They did other tets, and it appears the cancer hasn't spread (thankfully). They go in Tuesday to discuss treatment options with the doctor. Anyway, I was thinking about emailing them some articles on alternative therapies, with hopes of them reading them with an open mind. I really would like them to learn about how touch therapy, Reiki, and massage can be wonderful ways to combat the pain/stress/exhaustion from cancer and cancer treatments. I would be the one performing these therapies, so it would be free of charge. I just know it would be so good for his spirit, if nothing else. I also wanted to send them an article on the substance in breastmilk that kills cancer cells. I'm not saying I expect him to agree to drinking glass fulls of my breastmilk, but what would hurt adding an ounce or two to a glass of milk or cup of coffee? I mean it may be a little taboo to some, but it is proven science. He's an AF retiree and just an all around hard-headed, old school kinda guy, and his wife is very much about mainstream, Western medicine. They both have several health conditions (type 2 diabetes, history of heart attacks/strokes, overweight) and their diet is AWFUL. They also used to drink heavily and smoke, so they really have never been proactive about their health. I'm just worried they'll be offended more so than open-minded. I really don't want them thinking I'm some weirdo when all I want to do is help.

How about just emailing them the bolded line, and your offer to do the treatments gratis if they desire. They may or may not appreciate a bunch of literature at this stressful time. If they express interest, you could then show them more information. Or you could just do the Reiki, massage, etc, and he could feel for himself how much it helps him.

[laohaire]

Mmm. I'm going to pass on giving the breastmilk advice. You could offer the massage stuff but I wouldn't be surprised if he said thanks but no thanks.

One thing about prostate cancer is it's pretty treatable if caught early, so it sounds like his prognosis is good.

[blessedmama59]

I know them pretty well. They know that I am a little radical compared to their views of things, and can be somewhat judgemental of 'different' opinions at times. I know the breastmilk idea is a bit far-fetched, but I know if it were me I'd be willing to try almost anything. BUT, like I said, I am completely different than them for the most part. I know the prognosis of prostate cancer is pretty good if caught early, but he's going on 79 and I'm worried with his current state of health that chemo or radiation would kill him quicker than the cancer. I don't know, I've always been the person who wants to help in any way I can, so maybe I should just mention the massage/body work and if he takes up the idea then fine..if he doesn't then that will be fine too. I'm going to ask my fiance what he thinks, too.

[LoisLane]

Prostate cancer is one of the slowest growing of the cancers, and often they just do a "watch and wait" thing, esp. for men over 70. I would wait until they have met with their doctor and heard suggestions... I wouldn't be surprised if the doctor has him just monitored (blood checks, etc) for the time being, esp. if it appears it has not spread.

Offering love and support now... and maybe some of the other options once they've had a chance to wrap their heads around the diagnosis, might be best (and I might hold off on the breast milk offer... at least for the short term. If he is open to alternative therapies, then perhaps you could suggest it down the road).

Good luck, and good wishes to you and your family.

[NewDirections]

I'd definitely offer my milk! I'd buy a card at hallmark and wrtie about how concerned I am and that breastmilk is so powerful that it can help him fight it. It will give him strenghth and help his energy to be both high and pure. You are offering him a priceless gift

[stik]

I was going to chime in with Lois Lane. My FIL has prostate cancer as well, and he and his docs have determined that it's best left untreated. He's in his mid-60s, his particular type of cancer progresses extremely slowly, and the side-effects of treatment are worse than the cancer itself would be, even if left untreated for the rest of his life.

Offers of love and support are probably best, as they haven't discussed treatment options yet. As you're concerned about their diet, maybe you could express some of your support by cooking them some extremely tasty, healthy means.