Settle an argument, please?

[candycat]

Our kids are 10 months apart; they are at practically the same level developmentally. I wanted to put them in the same grade, as we will be getting curriculums eventually. (Right now they're still preschool level, and I'm not pushing early reading or anything, so no workbooks or anything like that yet.) My husband, however, thinks they should be in seperate grades. Maybe I'm overthinking this because of course we will all have activities together and maybe things won't matter that much but at this point I don't see why we should be having two different curriculum grades going at the same time. I had classmates a year younger or older than me in public school, but who were in the same grade. I don't see the big deal, but DH is worried that DD will feel stressed by having more expected from her earlier. As a compromise I want to delay the grade a little so they are more evened out (i.e. instead of starting the school year in Sept it might be more like Jan.)

What do you think?

[2xy]

I think that education should be ability-based and not age-based....meaning, I don't believe in grade levels. If the same curricula works for both of them, then use it. If one is more academically advanced than the other (even if it's the younger one), then use separate curricula.

They learned to walk, talk, and use the potty at different ages, didn't they? They will likely learn to read, write, and do sums at different ages. They're individuals.

[Grace and Granola]

I am just getting started on the HS journey, so I don't have concrete advice, but my boys are 17mos apart and I can relate to your thoughts on this since my boys would technically be a year apart in public school. I plan to start HSing this year right after my older ds turns 5. At the beginning I think there will be more difference as far as reading level or math interest but it will probably even out more in the older grades.

I wish I could remember where I read it, but I did see a piece of advice that made great sense to me. It was on the very topic of starting/keeping kids in the same "grade." For one thing, the beauty of hs-ing is that your child could be in 4th grade reading and 2nd grade math. So, it's hard to imagine that at any point my kids will be at the same level of anything, especially math and reading. The other part of it is the way your kids will view it. If you start them both together and say you tell them that they are BOTH starting kindergarten. But then your older child excels at math and within a year he's advanced a grade level or 2 while your second child hasn't. (or vice versa) How does that "left behind" child feel when they knew they started at the same place? I think it would cause me as their parent/teacher to compare them more than I'm comfortable with and try and force them to stay at the same pace even if one's not ready.

Also, I think my firstborn in particular really cherishes his role as "big brother." and since we so often treat them the same and lump them together, I feel he deserves to have his "big kid" math book/reading book/whatever and shouldn't be held back to accommodate his little brother.

Again, I see most of this applying to math and reading. I can see my older child might excel at reading while my 2nd son will be great at math. Science and history will probably be more easily adapted to either child.

I really only see this as being an issue if you purchase curriculum, not so much if you are in a looser/unschooling learning environment.

I look forward to hearing from some moms who have actually navigated through this issue!

[shoefairy3]

my 3 older kids use the same SL core curriculum. I dont even consider their grade level to be honest. They do have different readers and math books, but that is it. Everything else is exactly the same. For all intents and purposes there are in 6th, 4th and 2nd grades. Acording to the state. My oldest is doing 4th/5th grade math and the 2 younger are both doing 2nd grade math (one is further along than the other)

I plan on doing the same thing with my 3 younger kids. Right now they are 4, 2 and baking IMO hsing is completely different than PSing b/c nearly anything can be adjusted harder/easier based on the skills of the child

[candycat]

Actually they learned to talk at the same time, because DD was ahead, and DS was behind. And they are both potty training together right now and sit next to one another on their little potties. lol But DS was already walking by the time DD was born, so yeah, I do get what you're saying! And DD (the younger one) taught DS how to count to ten when he was struggling, so she got that first. But I do see what you mean. And it's valid. I remember always being in advanced reading and math groups in school as a kid but then later on it evened out and I even fell behind my peers in some areas because there was a lack of emphasis on individuals and I learned to not care as much or live up to my potential. I don't want to fall into the same trap with homeschooling, about "grade expectations.

I think it's a good idea to keep in mind not to compare them. And to give my son "big kid" props sometimes. He does get to do some things that little sis can't, but I think they generally do everything together anyway so I have to struggle to divide them to give them one-on-one time. I think that'll be the key, giving them one on one time.

And you guys make a great point about not thinking in terms of one grade for EVERYTHING. Things like history, foreign language, activities etc can be combined for the most part, but they will each be getting to choose their extracurriculurs (like what music or physical movement class to take) so they will have their individual time as well.

I do envision our homeschooling journey to be slightly more structured than some families here who unschool for example. I do want to have scheduled school hours and holidays and stuff with leeway to do our own thing. A little more "school-at-home" than some people would find appealing. But I'm sure things will work themselves out as the kids get older.

[nov05mama]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I think that education should be ability-based and not age-based....meaning, I don't believe in grade levels. If the same curricula works for both of them, then use it. If one is more academically advanced than the other (even if it's the younger one), then use separate curricula.

This is my thinking as well. The beauty of homeschooling is being ABLE to base your curriculum on ability vs age, so I would definitely just go with the children. If they ARE on separate levels, then I would do separate levels, but if they are on the same page with pretty much everything, I don't see an issue with using the same curriculum for both of them We all have our strengths in some areas and weaknesses in others...so it could even end up that they are on the same level for math, but are a grade apart in science, KWIM?

[VisionaryMom]

We are doing a more "school-at-home" approach as well. My view on grade levels is that it's useful if we need to identify him for something or if he needs to return to an institutional school setting. So I'm saying DS is starting K because he would be if he were going to public/private school. That doesn't mean, however, that I'm determining what work he does based on what K students do. We do things at the best level for him (though I do admit that it's hard to know where to start).

Are you planning to homeschool all the way through high school? If you are, then think about whether the intention is that they will graduate the same year, in which case I can see your son getting upset that you held him back and may blame that on his sister. He may not, and that's a long way to look into the future, but that's something I'd at least consider.

[Radish4ever]

If your DD is ready for it, I say go for it! My son is 20.5 months youger than my daughter, and he sits in on a lot of the homeschooling stuff right now but I haven't really pushed him into "doing school" yet.

If your DD is anything like mine, she may very well be READY for K or 1st grade work by the time she is 4 - my DD was and I haven't regreted starting her a bit early (at HER pace, of course).

I don't know why you would need to put the extra stress on yourself in the beginning stressing about seperate curriculums. Once they get a bit older and they start branching off on ability levels and such, I think it would be completely understandable to seperate them and all.....the first few years of schools can be the most FUN and I think a gentle school beginning for both at the same time should work out great.

[Lisa1970]

Separate grades is an institutional school idea, and only in recent times. Even in the early 1900's, schools generally did not do separate grades. Think 1 room school houses and even schools back to the days of ancient times.

They should be taught together. I teach everything together except stuff like math, but that is because my children are much further apart. Even so, my 2 that are 17 months apart are at the same level. When it comes to skill based subjects, I allow children to go at their own pace and levels. That would basically be math and reading. Of course they will read books they individually enjoy and the levels they are at. And in math, I do not let my children to go on to the next lesson until they master the ones they are on.

So in other words, there is no way I would teach completely different subject matter to 2 children who are 10 months apart.

[zeldamomma]

My sister and I are very close in age, and based on the way we were compared by others as we grew, I would lean toward choosing different curricula all together for your two, definitely for math and maybe for stuff like spelling/language arts. If your dd progresses more quickly than her older brother, it could be very hard for him. If they're using different curricula, it will be a lot less obvious to everyone which is "ahead" in each subject.

To save time, you could still have them together for history, science, art, etc...

[MrsJewelsRae]

I would combine curriculum in certain areas and follow their skill levels in others. My kids are 22 months apart and they share several subjects- history (SOTW), Bible, and science- though ds may be expected to answer more questions about the material than she. Their math and LA are separate. Works well for us!

[cappuccinosmom]

I think as long as their skills match, there is no reason you should separate grades. If at some point one pulls ahead and the other needs a little more time, then you deal with it at that point by having seperate grade work for the subjects that the skill separation affects.

[Linda on the move]

My kids are closely spaced and we homeschooled for many years. I saw content subjects (like history and science) as totally different than skill subjects (reading, writing, and and math).

We did content subjects all together, but skill sujbects separately. They were in slightly different places, learned at different rates and in different ways. In math, my younger DD was ahead of my older DD do, so we used different curriculum to make it less obvious. It was better for their relationship with each other to do those subjects one on one with me rather than with each other.

[Momma Aimee]

Originally Posted by candycat

Our kids are 10 months apart; they are at practically the same level developmentally. I wanted to put them in the same grade, as we will be getting curriculums eventually. (Right now they're still preschool level, and I'm not pushing early reading or anything, so no workbooks or anything like that yet.) My husband, however, thinks they should be in seperate grades. Maybe I'm overthinking this because of course we will all have activities together and maybe things won't matter that much but at this point I don't see why we should be having two different curriculum grades going at the same time. I had classmates a year younger or older than me in public school, but who were in the same grade. I don't see the big deal, but DH is worried that DD will feel stressed by having more expected from her earlier. As a compromise I want to delay the grade a little so they are more evened out (i.e. instead of starting the school year in Sept it might be more like Jan.)

What do you think?

I think you are both right -- how is that for a non-answer.

My boys are 23 months apart and more or less twins in most things.

we intende to achool them together both doing what they are able to.

I think you, with only 10 monhts, if they more or less on the same level, will be able to school together 100% (or 90%) .... Histroy together, science together. each at their own level in reading and math and so on -- but that would be true if they were true twins -- each child is always going to have their own level in spelling, math, reading...

but that is the joy of HS as many PP have said -- it is all ablity based, not "grade based". you are not going to force any child to wait or push any child because of outseide lables.

but I agree with your DH -- IF the need arrise that they go to publich school (or school out side the home) at any point with actual grades then you want the OPTION of enrolling them in differnt grades accordingly. with out making anyone "go back".

If it was me, i would plan to educate to ablity and need -- and do the same stuff together adressing each child's nees -- but on any offical paperwork i had to submit to the state or anything i would list them in 2 differnt grades.

I agree if with PPs if DD is ahead i would look for ways to make it less apperant, but she can still be on her own math level and "offically enrolled in" a younger grade. I know many "offically enrolled in 4th" doing 7th or 8th grade math ...

Just my thoughts.

[dubatatamama]

Should I start K this year, or will it just cause problems??

Oops! Meant to start my own post! Sorry!

[Lisa1970]

I want to point something else out. How would you be able to tell one science curriculum is 1st grade as opposed to 2nd? The schools rotate the topics in and out. Since it is generally presented in a very unmemorable way, it is generally on a two year cycle. So, 1st, 3rd, and 5th they will learn plants and solar system. 2nd and 4th tend to be more animals and habits and such. The topics are not distributed this way because 2nd grade and 4th grade are the end all be all grades to present animals and it would be terrible and nonsense to present it in the other grades. It is simply that the schools rotate out the topics and take about two years to cover it all and then they start all over again and it is all new to the children as if they never heard it before because they just do not retain any of it. SO, it really does not matter if your children learn plants together. No need to do plants with one while animals with the other and then swap them out and repeat the same exact lessons. Just do it together.

[caefi]

When are their birthdays? If they were going into the public school, would they be in the same grade level or a year apart?

That's what I would base their grade to be. I've encountered several situations where "grade level" or "grade entering in the fall" was asked. It's just easier to already have that figured out.

But, as for content - teach what they are ready to learn. As they age, their interests, abilities and knowledge will begin to grow apart. Allow that. Don't keep one on a set level just so they will be 'together'.

I have two that are 11mo apart. They both have August birthdays and would have gone into school a year apart. We've always kept their grade level a year apart. There are some things that we kept separate for the older - usually pleasure reading books. (an example - 6th grade reading has the hobbit, but the LOTR series is not until 7th grade. So, my younger DD has to wait until the fall to read LOTR. She is capable of reading it, it's just maintaining the older child separation for the sake of the older DD- who has expressed some frustrations about this recently.)

They didn't care, for years that they were doing the same work. It was preteen and middle school that it began to matter.

All that to say - do what works for each child, curriculum wise. that may be same level (and probably will for quite some time in most subjects) BUT keep your official grade level at where they would be, if they entered your local schools.

[Arduinna]

Originally Posted by 2xy

I think that education should be ability-based and not age-based....meaning, I don't believe in grade levels. If the same curricula works for both of them, then use it. If one is more academically advanced than the other (even if it's the younger one), then use separate curricula.

They learned to walk, talk, and use the potty at different ages, didn't they? They will likely learn to read, write, and do sums at different ages. They're individuals.

Yep to all this.

[moominmamma]

I also think you are both right, and maybe both a bit wrong too. I think it's best to teach them where they're at. The heck with grade levels. You don't need to separate them by grade-levels, but you also shouldn't try to get them both to conform to the same learning trajectory by using the same programs and the same pace with the two of them.

You may find that for content-oriented learning (social studies, science, etc.) it is very enjoyable and easy to work on the same material with both of them. But in the skills-oriented areas like literacy and math, that may very well not work. You may have one kid who is doing multiplication in his head and not really "getting" phonics, relying more heavily on sight-word strategies, while the other is rollicking through ETC but needs a much more hands-on approach to math. They may have completely different learning styles. You may find that if they're working through the same curriculum but one child is consistently grasping things more easily and with more enjoyment that the other gets really discouraged by witnessing the sibling's easy mastery. In that case they'd be far better off in different curricula, perhaps at different levels, perhaps at similar levels.

My middle two kids are 22 months apart and are probably, on average, at the same academic level. However my ds (the older of the two) is far more visual-spatial and intuitive as a learner, grasping things in great leaps of understanding when he's ready -- but not before -- while my dd is meticulous and methodical, likes sequential organized learning assignments and is more of a language-oriented learner. My ds gets very discouraged when working through a sequential textbook style curriculum when he sees how easily his sister laps it up. I've had them doing completely separate curricula in math for the past two years, even though they're at about the same level. My ds has thrived as a result. They just need very different approaches.

Miranda

[Marsupialmom]

There are many subjects you can do together with multiple ages. With your kid so close together, your dh is worrying about nothing. Does he realize there can be that age span in a regular class room.

You adjust expectation to abilities.