How do I start listening better and stop

[MommytoB]

talking about myself, and complaining about my mother continously ?

I'm starting to wonder if that's why I don't have friends because all I do is complain about my mom when they really don't want to hear it nor are they a counselor.

It's like I want to vent but it's a continously same vent over and over to the same people who have heard the same thing about it before .

Then I love my family then I like to share about them but maybe they don't want to hear all about my family may a little bit of major things of my son .



What if I'm doing the same thing with my family as in just telling about me not listening to them maybe that's the reason my family members may be tired of talking to me ?

[meemee]

this is REALLY hard to do.

but start a topic... something general and then shut up. also i try to figure out. anything more than 30 words is too long to keep the attention span.

i guess in a sense if that's what you suspect then it will be easier to do.

however please remember a conversation is a two way street. you talk about something that the other person has some input to give. otherwise it becomes venting or lecturing.

and you know how boring that can get.

[Penelope]

Honestly? When I got to a point where my life was so complicated and stressful that I could sense my friends were getting tired of just keeping up, I went to a therapist. It was all. about. me. and I could just dump out my 'stuff' and sort and think and then be free of it until the next session.

I've gone for two extended bouts of therapy, years apart, and am starting again next week.

[MommytoB]

Thanks , I been to therapy it doesn't fix it because things happen that I feel that I need to vent about but others don't want to hear me venting as in complaining every single day which I understand .

I try to change my habbits into have a conversation with no venting it's like what do I say that wouldn't be a boring convo and something that wouldn't be all about me & my family unless if asked about them .

[lolar2]

Maybe a different kind of therapy. Or maybe you need some space from your mother, if she really is upsetting you that much every single day.

[MommytoB]

My complaint issues are not just with my mom, the people around my apartment , being a single mom, my ds, my ex ,my health issues and when I talk about my issues is how it makes me feel so better to get them out that I feel like I can relax but now realizing some people think I'm complaining/whining /venting nearly every single day that it drives people batty because they don't really want to hear about my issues .

So I need to do it the other way or try to find some postivity to what I'm wanting to continously to talk about .

[tinybutterfly]

Journal it. Seriously. Get a notebook and write it all out. If it's very personal and you don't want anyone to ever read it, tear it all up when you're done and bury it, burn it or flush it.

I'll second therapy. In there it's all about you.

If you need to vent in between appointments, pull out your notebook. Take it with you everywhere.

I think good friends are willing to listen when we need them, but even then, there is a limit, especially if it's always the same issues. At some point, we have to DO something about our issues, make changes and move forward if possible.

People who are only acquaintances probably do not want to know so much. Be choosy who you vent to. Not everyone wants to hear about your personal life.

Listen more, talk less. Yes, conversation is a two way street, but you can share without sharing EVERYTHING in major technicolor detail. Small details, sure. Full blown recountings...probably too much information for most people.

Save the really personal stuff for close friends, therapy or your journal.

Good luck!

P.S. Sorry if I sound "short"...I am very tired.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by MommytoB

My complaint issues are not just with my mom, the people around my apartment , being a single mom, my ds, my ex ,my health issues and when I talk about my issues is how it makes me feel so better to get them out that I feel like I can relax but now realizing some people think I'm complaining/whining /venting nearly every single day that it drives people batty because they don't really want to hear about my issues .

So I need to do it the other way or try to find some postivity to what I'm wanting to continously to talk about .

This sounds like it's basically anxiety-related. Some kinds of therapy might help, not by giving you a place to vent, but by addressing the anxiety itself.

[mattemma04]

I think venting is good when you are able to limit it. I noticed that I feel better when I vent.Thing is that negative energy gets passed on,and I am pretty sure it goes to that person that is listening. Getting all that negative vibe can bring the best of us down,so yes people will avoid you if all you do is dump on them.

I know I get tire of the same BS from loved ones.I just want to scream,"Then do something about it already!" Life is short so make the change.

The journal is a great idea.Better than posting online where you don't always want stuff to be *out there* once you click post.Be direct with friends and ask them if your behavior is affecting the friendship.Let them know it is OK to nip the venting in the bud when they have heard enough from you.

[AprilDaisy]

I agree with tinybutterfly...writing things down helps release them without actually releasing it on someone.

Another idea is to write something down that you dislike, then also write something you'd like better...like.... "My neighbor doesn't realize his music is too loud." into "It would be nice if my neighbor was more considerate about his music." That way, you shift it somewhat.

[lonegirl]

Have you tried a diary? Or a video diary?