Toddler potty trained at home, but refuses at daycare-cross posted in toddlers.

[mama2rey]

How do you move from being potty trained at home to outside the home? My 2 and a half year old is pretty much using the potty at home-but anywhere is a different story. He goes to daycare and he just doesn't use the potty-the teacher takes him, he asks to go (because he likes flushing), but consistently has accidents at school.

To give some background-we have only been potty training for 2 weeks. We did the no pants thing at home and it worked wonders within 5 days-he was consistently using the potty. He actually says "pee pee"-I don't have to remind him. He now wears underwear and pants at home and he still uses the potty. He wears a diaper at night-and last night when I was putting him to bed he said he had to go and he went in the potty-with pull ups during the day he never does this. He wore pull ups for a week at school and his teachers took him to the potty with the other kids. Last week was his first week with just underwear and pants at school.

I took him to my gym's daycare yesterday and today. Same thing. Yesterday we even sat on the potty before leaving the house and when we got there (nothing) but had an accident within 20 minutes of getting there. Today, I just used a pull up, even though I didn't want to-of course he had an accident. He has also had accidents in the park-so I don't think its another caregiver thing.

I don't know what to do!!!

[Peppermint Poppies]

My son was the same, although he started daycare for the first time aged 3 and had been potty-trained for about a year. For the first 2 months of daycare he would have accidents because he felt uncomfortable asking for help.

For us, time was the answer - he eventually became comfortable enough to use the daycare toilets, although he still doesn't ask for help and does it all himself, so it's important that I dress him in clothes that he can manage independently.

[physmom]

We have totally the same problem! DD started daycare a little over a week ago. At home she was pretty much 100% potty trained but it always has to be me taking her. She gets really upset if DH or MIL do it! If I'm not around then she MIGHT let them but that's it.

Now at daycare she'll ask but not go. It's really frustrating to go through all those diapers but we're hoping it works itself out soon. We've also noticed that she has more accidents at home because of it too but we're just trying to be patient in the process.

[Prairiemother]

I think it will all be alright soon. Just keep being supportive and very positive about potty training. The transition to being potty training isn't an overnight thing - it can take a while until children feel fully confident and it becomes routine for them.

I suspect that kids don't quite understand why we care about it, or that they have a different perspective that we can't quite see. This was brought home to me not long ago with respect to my 2-y-o. I've been holding him to pee on the toilet since he was an infant (through EC) but he would never go potty for anyone else. Lately his verbal skills developed sufficiently that when my sister, who was looking after him, asked why he didn't use the potty, he said, as if the answer ought to be obvious to everyone, "Mommy helps me pee!" No mommy = no pee.

Eventually he discovered that he could pee on his own.

[punkrockmomma]

Originally Posted by Prairiemother

I think it will all be alright soon. Just keep being supportive and very positive about potty training. The transition to being potty training isn't an overnight thing - it can take a while until children feel fully confident and it becomes routine for them.

I suspect that kids don't quite understand why we care about it, or that they have a different perspective that we can't quite see. This was brought home to me not long ago with respect to my 2-y-o. I've been holding him to pee on the toilet since he was an infant (through EC) but he would never go potty for anyone else. Lately his verbal skills developed sufficiently that when my sister, who was looking after him, asked why he didn't use the potty, he said, as if the answer ought to be obvious to everyone, "Mommy helps me pee!" No mommy = no pee.

Eventually he discovered that he could pee on his own.

That's really cute. It's so true that children think about things in a completely different way than adults, so until they can verbalize a problem we just have to stumble along I guess.

We've been potty training DD for a month and a half now, she turned three last month. She's doing better and better. I try to use pull ups as little as possible. I used them too much after we got them, and she started to regress, and go in the pull up instead of the toilet. So, now I just make more of an effort to make her go before we leave, and I make sure we go to the bathroom as soon was we get somewhere. Right now we are using underwear as little as possible, because it feels like a diaper to her, but she's been getting better with this too. I would just give it time, I worry that when I start school again in Sept,. that she might have a lot of accidents when she's in daycare, but it's all part of the process I guess. Give him some time to adjust to it. I would really try to avoid pull ups as much as possible and take extra clothes with you instead, and a plastic bag for the soiled clothes. Good luck!

[mama2rey]

Thank you so much for the responses! Here is an update:

I think I figured out the accident thing. At home, and when we take him, we always take his pants off. This started the week we let him run around without clothes. At daycare, he sits on the potty with his pants down. I think that he thinks he can't pee this way. Last night when I picked him up that's what happened. I put him on the potty and he sat there goofing off. Then I got an idea and I took off his pants-and yup he went.

The downside is that I told his teacher and she is going to take off his pants when she can. However the reality is that there are about 20 kids sharing 3 toilets. (the 2 and 3 year old classrooms share the bathroom). So she will when he is by himself, but can't guarantee it during "potty time." So my solution is going to be to dress him in super baggy pants for school (that he can easily remove and put back on). However, at home I am going to have him start pulling his pants down and not off. This way there is consistency.

I think this is it-I have to say, he has been really good with the potty so far!

[That Is Nice]

Welcome to the club!

My son, 4.5, is potty trained at home, but not at daycare.

I attribute it to the rushing at school (all the kids...) and my son's motor delays. My son struggles to unbutton, snap, pull up, pull down. It's harder for him than most kids due to his hypotonia, and his uncoordination. There isn't always a teacher nearby to lend assistance, and I'm sure it's also socially embarrassing for my child to ask for and need help that other kids in his class do not need.

At home, I can help him, and so he has a better rate of using the potty.

I've been struggling with this for well over a year.

[mama2rey]

Yesterday I picked my son up and NO ACCIDENTS!!! He used the potty 3 times! He was so proud of himself. I couldn't believe it when I saw him in the same outfit I brought him in. The teacher thought it was funny that I came in looking for the inevitable wet bag of clothes!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!

[babign]

We have the same problem. My daughter started daycare July 6 for half days. She had been potty trained for a month when we decided to go with just panties and no diapers. She goes thru naps dry. She only wears a diaper at night but most of the time it is dry and she pees in the morning at the toilet.

After we started daycare (6th of July), last week she had 2 accidents. Most days she did fine because she only goes 2.5 hours in the morning and she waits until her nanny picks her up and they go together, and she goes with me in the morning. Daycare told us that it is their policy to put on pull ups after 2 accidents. So this week she is wearing pull ups at daycare and still not going with the teachers.

I am against the pull up idea because she thinks they are the same as diapers and we potty trained with directly being in panties. She had a few accidents at the beginning and then got the idea. How can I tell this to the daycare and communicate with them? They told me twice already that it is their policy because of sanitary reasons. But I think that if they keep her on pull ups I fear that she will not need to go with them, and since she is not comfortable anyway, she will just pee in her pull ups. She will switch to full time in August and I don't know what to do! Because she was potty trained, I did not even think of asking their policies before signing up and changing daycares now would be too hard for her to transition. She is already a very shy kid and after almost a month, she is only beginning to be semi-comfortable there.

I think the reason is that she is not comfortable going with the teachers. She goes with me, daddy, and nanny and that's about it. She sometimes has an accident at parks if she is too busy playing, otherwise she will tell us that she has to go, and has no problem in public restrooms outside of home. She uses the daycare toilet with me or the nanny fine. Help!

[mama2rey]

I am concerned about the Pull Ups at school thing. My son's school let us bring him in underwear and they just cleaned up a lot more. I am convinced that Pull Ups delay potty training and the reason my son is now pretty much trained is that we minimized the use of Pull Ups.

However, given that you have to-I wonder if you could put underwear under the pull up or use training pants at school? I think the key to potty training is that they know when they have an accident, feel the wetness and then have some motivation for peeing in the potty not the pull-up. Just my 2 cents......

[2boysunder2]

Hi, we have the same problem. My little guy is potty trained at home (except for the poops). He goes on his own to the toilet to pee without any reminders from me (except for before nap and bedtime). He is potty trained at both grandparents' houses. Unfortunately, he refuses to go at daycare.  I know that he is able to (as well as the teachers) that he can go to the potty since he does so only with me in the morning before I drop him off and in the afternoon when I pick him up.  He can pull down his own pants, get on the toilet himself, etc... but he is too shy to do so in front of the staff.  Most likely because they have given some conflicting reactions to him going pee with me and not them (e.g. "why do you pee your pants with us and not with your mom").The daycare has an open-concept bathroom with three toilets and kids running in and out. The teachers (who seem to keep changing) know that he is anxious about the little privacy he has. It's been a month in underwears at the daycare, but still no success with the teachers and they would like to put him in pull ups again. I feel like it would be a big step backwards if they were to put him in pull-ups again. I feel like that is just a "band-aid" and not really a solution for the issue (fear of going potty with his teachers)... I was hoping to put him in full time this fall so that I could start working full time again... this is the only daycare in town... any advice?

[babign]

Shortly after my above post our problems were solved. It was really because my daughter did not feel comfortable enough with the teachers. I also thought pull-ups would be a big regression, but a few days of pull ups did not change anything, so don't be too afraid if that's what you have to do. After she wasn't having accidents for a few days we went back to underwear. Maybe your son wearing pull ups will ease the stress on the teachers and they will be more casual about the toilet issue, and with some time he'll want to try it like his friends. I assume they will still offer it to him at certain times, they won't just wait for him to go in the pull ups, and since he is used to the potty he would not feel comfortable either. And if he can form some sort of bond with some of the teachers, it will help with the potty issue indirectly. I believe your issue will resolve once he feels more comfortable and more friendly with the teachers. It's been just a month and maybe he's slow to warm up. Try to work on the teacher-son relationship, more than the potty issue. It is hard if the teachers keep changing, is there one that is constant?

Some things that helped us: bringing favorite book from home to read with teacher, bringing favorite music from home to share with class, and what really changed the situation was that a teacher got to spend few minutes of one on one time with my daughter just by chance, and she became a favorite teacher after months.

[2boysunder2]

Thanks so much for this advice!!!!!!

[MovnMama]

Just had to share my 2 cents. ITA with the above posts about pull-ups causing a regression with my son - we avoided these at all costs. Strangely, my son would not pee sitting down - still doesn't. We tried and tried and he eventually learned to go by standing over the toilet, a leg on each side of the seat, and us teaching/helping with the aiming. Then he moved to a stool and now he's tall enough not to need a stool for a normal sized toilet. Just saying, some kids want to go a different way - like in southeast asia, people all squat - even over toilets (so I'm told; I've never visited).

OTOH, he still refuses to go poop at school, or usually in any public place (sometimes he will, depends on the emergency level, I think ). This really bothered me when he was just turning three, b/c he'd been going both at home for months and months. I pushed it, really too much. I was doing a lot of learning about gentle discipline around that time as well.

Anyway, he solved his own problem - the way he saw it, the important thing was to stay clean and dry, not to go where people told you if you weren't comfortable. So he withheld at school - which really upset me because I was sure it would cause constipation, etc, like all the books warn about. But turned out, everyday he would come home, and within 1/2 hour or so, he would go poop on his own. He just waits to go at home - he holds it. Is it ideal? No, but my son has control over his own body, and there's very little I can do about that beyond encouragement.

Hope this perspective helps a little.

[MtlMommy29]

I have the same issue, my daughter is 3.5 and was a late trainer.  She pees and poops in the potty at home, and at other peoples homes, and everywhere as long as either my husband or I am there.

She wont do it in daycare she comes home with a bag of wet clothes every single day.

The provider suggested we bring in a potty that she uses at home to school but she still refuses.

She has been going there for almost a year now so she already has a bond with her teacher but it still does not work.

I have no clue what to do?  The school she starts next year has a must be fully trained rule. 

I do occasionally put on pull ups but she does not like to pee in them she does always use the potty except at daycare.

Any suggestions?

[LilMomma83]

DS1 started a new daycare about 4 months after being PT'd and he had a few accadents (I think because he did not know who to ask, and they tried to have him stand and he was used to sitting).

With DS2 I had a few days off work and PT'd him (he'd been working on it for a while, we jsut sealed the deal so to speak), then he kept havign accadents at daycare and they told me to put him back in diapers because they didn't have time to deal with the mess and he wouldn't go for them...I removed him from that classroom, and he actually went fine for otehr teachers...so I am not sure why, but, something about her or the way she was taking him or something was making him uncomfortable (or maybe she just wasn't taking him I don't know). I recently switched to a home daycare and she has been really awesome and even gets him to poop on the potty (he hardly does that at home, though he rarely pees in his underwear), she asked for diapers when he has diarhea (understandable, he gets it semi frequently), but, only puts the diaper on if he changes into his last set of clean clothes (I send 3/day). I also worked in daycare, and everytime kids were newly trained (or sometimes just new to the daycare, but, had been trained for a while) we just asked the parents to bring more sets of clothes if their child had accadents - I can't imagine telling a parent they would need to put their child back in pull ups!

Over all both kids became more and more comfortable after some time to adjust to the new environment...Good luck to those of you still working on it!