Where would i start?

[dolphinkisser]

Hi all I have wanted to adopt a child from Russia or Ukraine for the longest time. I am 43 years old ....it does not have to be an infant. I already have 3 children. I would love to give a child a home where she or he has birth defects that are repairable.
Can anyone tell me how much it would cost and ideas how you have financed it. What is the first step? Get a dossier? I went through a homestudy many years ago when i was going through miscarriage and infertility issues but the experience was negative. I felt like the social worker was negative , and condescending. Dh felt that she was too intrusive but that is the way he is anyway. It is like she was judging us whether we would be good parents or not...i know that i am...i have taught special ed for 15 years, have 3 kids , have been a 4H leader, girl scout assistant and a Quaker youth facilitator...how much more 'qualified' can i be? I just resent the fact that a social worker with issues of her own can hold such power as to whether i can be a good parent or not.
Anyway..even though this dream was put on hold ...10 years and 2 kids later...i have found it resurfacing again. Maybe it is all the lurking that i have done on these boards
Where do i start?

[EFmom]

dolphinkisser, there are two good websites to look at for preliminary info on adopting from Russia and the Ukraine. Both are support groups for EE adoptive families. Check out
http://www.eeadopt.org/ and www.frua.org They both have links to electronic discussion groups that can be very helpful, and the FRUA site has a chat board where you can lurk and ask questions.

Costs vary depending on how you do the adoption. I've heard that you can adopt independently from the Ukraine for about $14K if you are very careful, but usually it's higher. Russian agency adoptions can run $25K or more.

The homestudy process is intrusive, no doubt. Much of what the SW has to ask is dictated by the BCIS (INS) and state regulations. Some SWs are on a power trip and go way over the line, but others are pretty decent. We adopted from China when you could still use an independent SW, and our guy was a doll. Yes, it was annoying to have to jump through the hoops, but he most definitely was pulling for us.

The best way to find a good local homestudy agency is to ask other local adoptive families. FRUA and EEAC have branches, so if you join, which is well worth the nominal fee, you should be able to contact people in your area.

[dolphinkisser]

Thanks so much EF mom ...i have heard of FRUA and a lot of good things about that organization... i will go to their website and see if i can become a member. Your insights are truely appreciated

[Momma Aimee]

thanks for the sites

we are a few years out from adoption.

we plan to have 1 or 2 then adopt one or two.

but I like to keep up on the data.

Aimee

[T. Elena]

Just want to say I'm sorry you had a negative homestudy experience. I had heard such horror stories about them that I was, frankly, prepared for the worst -- probing questions about our marriage, intimate life, finances, and so on. But it wasn't too bad, really. So much depends on the social worker you get.

Even though our social worker wasn't too bad (her most offensive comment was that our house looked "lived in" even though I'd slaved for a week making it as close to perfect as I could), the process was awfully tedious -- esp. the paperwork. At any rate, I found I was able to get through it all by reminding myself that the process wasn't about *me* (or my husband), but the children.

We've all read horror stories in the papers about kids abused in foster homes, etc. These social workers do have a tremendous responsibility to ensure that kids are being placed in safe, loving homes. When I get irritated by the process (we're still in the post-placement phase), I just repeat to myself, "It's not about me, it's not about me."

The agency we went through (WACAP, non-sectarian, progressive, well-established, experienced, high integrity) has a well-regarded Russia program for both infants and older children, if you're interested. They're good about disclosing all fees. http:\\www.wacap.org

Good luck on your journey!

[EFmom]

We used WACAP also, and were quite happy with them. We adopted from China, however.