How do you afford to buy for baby when you have NO money to spare... - Page 2

[Jane]

I don't think it is. It's part of being in the family, and it's been part of family values for a lot of families for a long time. It's not like she's being mean. They're struggling. If he makes $100 and gives $50 to the family shelter needs, that would help a ton. That's not unheard of money for a teen in the summer.
It doesn't sound like something he's capable of now that she gave more details, tho.
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[ThisCat]

If it takes three quarters of your income to pay for a one bedroom apartment and you have one child and one on the way, you probably qualify for housing assistance. Have you checked with your local housing authority?

[confustication]

You need a different living situation. You are paying much too much for your home, and the reality is that it won't get better unless you find a cheaper living arrangement or increase your income.

Another resource that would be a help to you would be your local domestic violence program. Given the creepiness of the man you describe, as well as your financial struggles, I think I would consider relocating to somewhere with a lower COL, as well as out of this person's immediate comfort area.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Do you use cloth diapers or disposable?

Disposable. I don't have a washing machine, I go to the laundromat, and between time and money, it simply wouldn't be plausable to use cloth.

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

Are you saying you already have a crib and mattress? Those are not really necessities, so you could sell them to buy a carseat, which is an absolute must.

Someone offered to give me an infant carseat this morning, though I will later need a convertible carseat. (My son was a fast grower- he surpassed the weight limit to an infant bucket seat by the time he was 5 months old, this baby may also.) Sellint the crib and mattress would be counterproductive. I sleep on a twin mattress on a frame, and I plan on sidecarring the crib, to cosleep. I'd love to cosleep in the same bed, but we simply wouldn't fit. I'm uncomfortable as it is, by myself on the twin mattress.

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

You don't need a stroller, a sling or other carrier is all you need. A PP gave a great suggestion for making your own on the cheap.

I need a heavy duty stroller because the Stop & Shop and Target are both over a mile away and I can't physically carry a baby and groceries back. I have no transportation and nobody who can give me a ride on a regular basis. I was in a similar transportation situation when I my son was a baby, and what I used to do was, put him in the stroller to get to the store, and on the way back, put him in the baby carrier and put the groceries in the stroller. I'm hoping to work out a similar technique with this baby.

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

Yikes! How is this his responsibility?! He's still a child himself. Asking a 15yo to keep an eye on the baby for 10 mins while you take a hot pan out of the stove is one thing, asking him to get a job to pay the bills is just plain wrong.

I thought the same thing. My son has Asperger's and can barely concentrate enough to pass in school as it is, without me adding another responsibility on him, but even if he was your average teenager, I honestly don't think I could ask him to get a job to support the family. He's already got anger issues towards his Dad for leaving and "letting us have no money for food" and is in therapy, and I've already, out of neccesity, had to borrow (with no known way of paying back) half his birthday money, so I don't feel that I can ask him to squeeze any more. He's barely 15- I'M supposed to be the parent, the provider, not him.

Originally Posted by ThisCat

If it takes three quarters of your income to pay for a one bedroom apartment and you have one child and one on the way, you probably qualify for housing assistance. Have you checked with your local housing authority?

Yup. Section 8 is on a freeze, which is unfortunate because I live in a big apartment building, one of only two that accepts Section 8 in my town. When they open up the waiting list again, you can bet I'll be the first one down there, but once you're on the waiting list, the wait period in this area is currently 3 years. I'm currently calling in favors and looking for loopholes in that department. Anyone on here prays, please pray that somehow, I get on Section 8. I did the math- instead of $300 a month for food and bills and everything else, if I get on Section 8, I'll have almost $800 a month for food and bills and everything else. (Yes, I live in a very high expense area. Everything within 30-40 miles each way is the same.)

[Mama Soltera]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

Yikes! How is this his responsibility?! He's still a child himself. Asking a 15yo to keep an eye on the baby for 10 mins while you take a hot pan out of the stove is one thing, asking him to get a job to pay the bills is just plain wrong.

I needed to very strongly agree with this.

If food stamps wouldn't accept you, even with the pregnancy, there are many food pantries and food banks that do once a month to once a week boxes of food. Some of them don't even require having your income information.

I also wanted to point out that we don't know what part of NY this mother is living in. This could very well be the cheapest rent she can find. My rent is actually a little more than 3/4 of my income and it is absolute rock bottom. Single moms have to do what they have to do to get by.

It sounds like you are doing a great job keeping costs down. Accept as many hand-me-downs as you possibly can. Luckily, while babies are nursing they don't cost a lot.

[ThisCat]

Originally Posted by kblackstone444

Yup. Section 8 is on a freeze, which is unfortunate because I live in a big apartment building, one of only two that accepts Section 8 in my town. When they open up the waiting list again, you can bet I'll be the first one down there, but once you're on the waiting list, the wait period in this area is currently 3 years. I'm currently calling in favors and looking for loopholes in that department. Anyone on here prays, please pray that somehow, I get on Section 8. I did the math- instead of $300 a month for food and bills and everything else, if I get on Section 8, I'll have almost $800 a month for food and bills and everything else. (Yes, I live in a very high expense area. Everything within 30-40 miles each way is the same.)

That's terrible. I had no idea things were that bad in some areas. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

[Lil'M]

Is there La Leche League near you? In our group, moms are constantly donating baby items they don't need anymore and we offer it to others who can use them. If you call a local Leader and this is the case in your area, maybe she would be willing to drive things to you. If it were me, I would

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by Lil'M

Is there La Leche League near you? In our group, moms are constantly donating baby items they don't need anymore and we offer it to others who can use them. If you call a local Leader and this is the case in your area, maybe she would be willing to drive things to you. If it were me, I would

Honestly, as a LLL leader, that would be completely outside what a League leader would even be allowed to do. She could do it on her own, of course, but I personally would feel really uncomfortable if someone I didn't know contacted me in my capacity of a LLL leader asking for baby stuff.

OP, have you contact local crisis pregnancy centers? Do you need help finding ones in your area?

[Lil'M]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Honestly, as a LLL leader, that would be completely outside what a League leader would even be allowed to do. She could do it on her own, of course, but I personally would feel really uncomfortable if someone I didn't know contacted me in my capacity of a LLL leader asking for baby stuff.

OP, have you contact local crisis pregnancy centers? Do you need help finding ones in your area?

I guess its different for our group. We've stored tons of valuable baby items that are donated by our members and are always thrilled to find someone who can use them. I'm not talking about asking a Leader to get members to donate, rather just finding out from a Leader if items have already been donated with this sort of thing in mind. I don't know of any policy that would forbid it. Please PM me if you can point me to that info.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by Lil'M

I guess its different for our group. We've stored tons of valuable baby items that are donated by our members and are always thrilled to find someone who can use them.

As members or is your leader doing it while acting as a leader? Because if, heaven forbid, someone got sue happy, LLL liability insurance wouldn't cover the leader. I know it sounds silly, but leaders have very specific things they can do as leaders. For example, I often have a few ring slings around that I give to people. But I make it very clear it's not in my capacity as a leader, but as a friend.

ETA: I just saw your ETA, LOL! I don't have my leader handbook around, but like I said, leaders have very specific duties and are covered by liability insurance only under certain circumstances. Maybe I am overly suspicious, but I can imagine a circumstance where recalled baby gear was given out, a baby got hurt, and the group got sued. I personally wouldn't risk it, as it's outside the purpose of LLL. It's a breastfeeding advocacy group, not a baby supply depot. But more power to your group for being less worried about this stuff than me.

[annettemarie]

And just to clarify, I wouldn't be mean or anything if someone called, but I would give a lot of the advice already given on this thread.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by kblackstone444

Someone offered to give me an infant carseat this morning, though I will later need a convertible carseat. (My son was a fast grower- he surpassed the weight limit to an infant bucket seat by the time he was 5 months old, this baby may also.)

Is this a hand-me-down or an offered-new gift? Some of the newer infant carseats have higher limits than they did 15 years ago. Or, if it's offered-new, you could ask for a convertible that would accommodate an infant. The Family Safety board should have more info on that.

Also, although you are right that you shouldn't sell the crib in the circumstance you describe, you still could sell the playard and the changing table, which would give you SOME consignment store credit at least.

[annettemarie]

You can also get a booster chair that straps to a regular seat for about $15 new. So eventually, if you do have the money, that might be a solution to the high chair issue.

[annettemarie]

Also, if you don't have a car, is a car seat a huge concern? I mean, I don't know how that works for public transportation or anything.

[VisionaryMom]

Find a county hotline. I staff ours one week a month, and we get calls for supplies all the time. Ours is technically run through a women's transitional living facility, but we can provide or point to local resources for all types of situations. If you don't know where else to call, you can stop by or call a police precinct. We actually get a number of calls that are referred from the police because people needed help and didn't know where else to go. Or call any women's shelter you can find and see where they can point you.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by lolar2

Is this a hand-me-down or an offered-new gift? Some of the newer infant carseats have higher limits than they did 15 years ago. Or, if it's offered-new, you could ask for a convertible that would accommodate an infant. The Family Safety board should have more info on that.

It's used, but from a trusted source- no past car accidents- and it's less than three years old.

Originally Posted by annettemarie

Also, if you don't have a car, is a car seat a huge concern? I mean, I don't know how that works for public transportation or anything.

Well, besides the fact that they don't let you leave the hospital without a carseat (even if you're walking home!), I do get rides from people on occasion, I do get to visit my family sometimes (3 hour car ride) and I do have to take taxis sometimes. People look at me like I have two heads, but no way would I have either of my children in ANY car without proper restraints.

[kblackstone444]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

You can also get a booster chair that straps to a regular seat for about $15 new. So eventually, if you do have the money, that might be a solution to the high chair issue.

I like that idea.

Originally Posted by VisionaryMom

Find a county hotline. I staff ours one week a month, and we get calls for supplies all the time. Ours is technically run through a women's transitional living facility, but we can provide or point to local resources for all types of situations. If you don't know where else to call, you can stop by or call a police precinct. We actually get a number of calls that are referred from the police because people needed help and didn't know where else to go. Or call any women's shelter you can find and see where they can point you.

I live across the street from a police precinct. Why didn't I think of that?

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by kblackstone444

It's used, but from a trusted source- no past car accidents- and it's less than three years old.

If it's less than three years old, it might have a higher weight limit than 20 pounds, which would be nice. Double-check on that!

[luv-my-boys]

I agree with all the wonderful advice from the other posters. network, network, network. Make it known to all friends/family/co workers/neighobrs that you'd appreciate all hand me downs. Talk to your wic worker and ask about resources in your area that you might look into. Some health dept have car seat programs and breast pump programs. Also have you asked about medical care thru a womens clinic/health dept or state aid?

[Lil'M]

There are so many great suggestions here. I hope you find the resources you need. I just wanted to clarify. LLL is really set up to deal with breastfeeding questions and concerns, not a place to call expecting to receive baby items. But a Leader might still know of other resources in your community beyond what official agencies can provide. For example, in our area there are a few different clothing swaps (scheduled events where anyone can drop off unwanted items or take wanted items) that are informal and run by community members and that sort of thing could be helpful.