Getting married, but when? and with newborn?

[whoami]

I could really use some input… My fiancé suprised me by proposing on our 10 year anniversary this past February. I had no clue he was planning to do so. We have always talked of marriage, casually, since being together a year, and figured we’d do it when the time was right. We’ll fast forward, we have a 3 year old, and I am 3 months pregnant. We are 100% ready and excited to take this next step. Now it’s just a matter of when.

We want to keep our anniversary date and planned for 02/11, but now I’m wondering if it would be better to wait until 2012? Of course nobody can really answer this but us, but I’d just like some outside opinions. At the time of our wedding, our new baby will be less than a month old.

We haven’t planned anything, all we know is we want a very private ceremony, on the beach, or somewhere special in nature. My fiancé would like it to be just the 2 of us, but a part of me feels our children should be there. But then that means our one witness would need to watch the kids, and then it just gets complicated from there.

I am an introvert, and don’t want a lot of people at our wedding. But even with just immediate family the list gets long. Then I start to feel bad about the expense of travel because I know it will be a financial burden for most. We could easily marry in Hawaii since my aunt, uncle and grandparents share a big house, lease a condo, and a timeshare could be reserved, but then only some people would have a free place to stay.

We really don’t know what to do.

[Magelet]

my two big thoughts/concerns about getting married a month after having your babe are that you might not be ready to be up and about (you might, but you might not, particularly if lo is 2 weeks late, kwim? not everyone is ready to be up and about a week or two after birth. and up and about enough to get married and celebrate it? and if you so desire, consumate it?) and also that it might be nice to have a period of baby-mooning and a seperate period of honeymooning (possibly with the munchkins or a short period without. but that a special just after your married time might be easier with a slightly older child. also, you may be less sleep deprived with a year old child than with a 2 weeks-a month old child.

That said, it could be really wonderful to take this step of marriage with your family at the time when you've just added a new member.

congrats!

[Tradd]

Just a suggestion: go down to the courthouse with your witnesses. Take a babysitter to watch the LO. You pay for marriage license, rings, and is there a fee for a judge to marry you?

Then, once you've had the baby and are feeling better, have a gathering where everyone can come and celebrate your marriage AND the new addition to your family. You can even make it a nicer potluck to help with the cost. If you're any type of religious, you could have clergy at the gathering to renew your vows in front of the family, if that's important to you.

[A&A]

Elope! A Vegas wedding is lots of fun.

[Smokering]

Let's see... a month after I had DD I still had a there-was-a-human-being-inside-me-recently tummy, was leaking milk everywhere, had dark circles under my eyes and was very sleep-deprived. For vanity reasons alone, I'd say it's bad timing - although it might give extra meaning to the "for better or worse" part of your vows! Also, as a PP said, due dates aren't set in stone - if your wee piglet arrives late you could be organising last-minute stuff a week or two after childbirth! I can't imagine recovering from labour, trying to get breastfeeding established, hoping I'd fit into my wedding dress and chasing up caterers and florists, all on no sleep, all at once. Yikes!

Now, a few months old might be OK. Or you could be one of those glowing pregnant brides. But yeah, unless you're planning a REALLY low-key wedding - during which you could feed the baby, wear whatever you wanted and grab a snack at a cafe afterwards - I'd avoid the first six weeks after your due date, at least.

Congratulations, too!

[whoami]

Thanks for the replies! Some of you pointed out some things that just didn't cross my mind. I think it's best to wait another year. I'm having a scheduled c-section so don't have to worry about the baby being late. And I just realized I won't want to think about anything or do anything right after the baby arrives.