Ever feel judged about being thifty?

[canadianhippie]

I was going for my daily walk with my LO and saw a women's hospital auxiliary store open. They have a donation box outside, so Im assuming most items are from donation. I was looking for baby items and ended up finding a mega blocks baby train set for $2 and one of those see and say toys that you pull the lever and the arrow spins in the middle and says "the cow goes mooo" and other animals for 25 cents. Amazing deals! I was so happy to find those.

Im just worried people almost feel bad for me that Im shopping like that. I dont always, its that I see alot of older women looking at me twice because Im obviously young and always unaccompanied by a man, so Im filling the typical young, low income single mom type. Ugh, maybe Im being paranoid or something, does any other mamas feel like they're being pitied or judged by shopping second hand? I just like finding good deals, I find it silly to pay full price for cheap plastic toys, I like the older stuff. And clothes, I buy big lots on kijiji and maybe a few new outfits for going out but almost all my baby items are second hand or bought at discount. Im just not sure how to switch my attitude about this one, a little advice please

[candycat]

I dunno, I'm also the odd one out sometimes because I like to flaunt that our house is pretty much decorated and furnished second hand, that 99% of our clothes from the thrift shop etc. I try to get others to come thrifting with me cos I think it's FUN and I feel good buying secondhand (and hey, the price is right too!) but no one ever comes with me and when people are talking about buying a new this-or-that I always get the awkward looks or that maybe they shouldn't talk about all that in front of me. Oh well. Whatever. I just wish I had more people around here that shared my values but otherwise it doesn't really bother me. And then I can come on MDC and brag about my secondhand finds and people "get" it here, so that makes me feel validated just enough.

(It bothers me most that my own husband is "too good for thrift" - but he grew up really really poor so he has baggage that goes along with that, so I don't rag on him too much!!)

[pbjmama]

Do you mean the store employees? Or other shoppers? I find that if a person is in a thrift store they are usually there for the deals too, not to judge!

[SleeplessMommy]

If you bought all your baby clothing and toys new, I would think you are crazy. (Look! a cute $30 outfit we will wear twice!) So you risk judgment either way.

We buy used and donate afterward. For environmental reasons not just to save money.

[canadianhippie]

I feel it was the store workers because they are just volunteers. I do donate alot, unless I have some really nice stuff and Ill sell it for a bit of money on kijiji. My closest friends are even more thifty than me, they hit up every garage sale in the summer and can pull amazing outfits off from value village, i dont know how they do it. I think that might be it candycat, I dont see them often so Im not around people who agree, thank goodness for this site!

[its_betty]

I wouldn't worry about the volunteers at the store. They might be looking at you because they are glad you are there. I know the people in my local thrift shops are happy when anyone buys anything because it helps the cause they believe in. Plus, they may not get a lot of traffic and it adds excitement to their day when someone comes in.

And they might be looking at your little one, because babies are always cute!

OP wrote: "...and always unaccompanied by a man, so I'm filling the typical young, low income single mom type."

Ha! My husband NEVER (well, extremely rarely) shops with me. Many SAHMs (and SAHDs) are out and about when their spouse is working. It is NOT unusual to see a Mom with a baby and no man in sight, and I doubt that anyone is making a judgment about you based on that.

Enjoy your bargain shopping!

[Pariah]

I never feel judged by thrift store employees or other people there, but I've had a few moments of weirdness when offering someone a coupon (like "Hey, I know you just got a new puppy, I thought you might like these coupons I found for puppy treats while cutting coupons for myself") and they respond with "Um...I don't use coupons." People have never been outright mean about it, but it does make me feel awkward...just trying to be helpful, you know?

If you bought all your baby clothing and toys new, I would think you are crazy. (Look! a cute $30 outfit we will wear twice!) So you risk judgment either way.

Haha, true, because I feel the same way. I wouldn't actually say it to anyone of course, but yeah...even if I had the money to buy all brand new baby clothes, I don't like spending money just for the sake of spending money. I save where I can whether I have extra to blow or not...it just makes more sense financially. IMO, anyway.

[crunchy_mommy]

I think you're reading too much into it -- I don't think they're likely judging you -- and so what if they are? You're getting good deals & having fun! Maybe I just don't care what people think... but I would think you were nuts if you bought everything new (actually I know people that do that & it drives me nuts, there's nothing wrong with used items!) I have a house full of items we bought from the thrift store or found on the side of the road. I don't think we really have much if any in the way of "new" items.

[SC_Jan]

LOL, yes! One year I was decorating my porch for Christmas and had the perfect spot for a small tree. So my girls and I headed to the local H for H store and picked one out. EVERYONE in the store was being so sweet and friendly. I mean they're always nice, but this was over the top. As I was paying, I realized that they were thinking I was buying this tiny tree to be our actual Christmas tree. I really didn't know whether to laugh or cry. We got out quickly before anyone offered to sign us up for a food basket.

I shop at thrift stores a lot so I don't have to worry about contributing to child labor, etc (plus I can actually afford to shop there) and that's the only time I ever felt really awkward.

[dachshundqueen]

Yes, but long ago it was something I gave up caring about.

It's hard work to avoid credit card debt and live within your means. I'm not sure what others think on the matter, but sometimes I've been told, "Just suck it up and buy so and so," when I've agonized over a financial decision for what seems like ages.

Liz

[Usually Curious]

Yep.

But I also feel judged about what I choose to spend money on. People are so different.

[Amys1st]

Dh and I have ALWAYS been frugal, thrifty whatever the word is for it. We track our spending, shop around for deals etc. We use items until they fall apart (our tv is 14 years old) or are outdated and we cannot use them for whatever reason or they break beyond repair. Such as when dd2 gave my cell phone a bath. I was carrying the "cool and hip" cellphone for 4-6 mos. Every few years that happens. Then we use it until its death.

When the economy was thriving and unemplyment was below 4%, we still saved, ate out not that often etc. We always shop around for the best deal, buy the most bang for our buck. If that means going to nordstrom or going to the thrift store, we dont care.

In the last year or so, our lifestyle is suddenly the thing to do. Wow, now everyone wants to know how I spend so little every month, how to cook my own stock, how to trim utility bills, maybe waiting to buy that new car etc.
Before it was an eye roll, now its a pleading help me!


I would never judge someone back, just explaining not complaining but I have noticed those friends/family/people I know IRL who look(ed) down at us for choosing not save over spend, what goes around comes around or karma is a beach...kwim?

[eirual]

Specific Store Culture

I almost always shop second hand when I can and it's been a very positive experience. That being said, we're temporarily back in our home town and I went by the local thrift store (run by volunteers) and even my donations were judged! They rooted through things and made me do most of the work dropping things off and sorting and placing in bins (other times at other stores I'm greeted, helped with things from the car- a 30 second task. This took me nearly 15 mins).

I later went back to buy things and the clerks were just generally short and un-personable.

DH had said he had a friend who had to do community service and had to work there as a result of court order. Very different circumstances than someone being paid for a PT job. Just something to think about. It may be a general lack of customer service skills, not just an attitude/judgment towards you.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by eirual

I almost always shop second hand when I can and it's been a very positive experience. That being said, we're temporarily back in our home town and I went by the local thrift store (run by volunteers) and even my donations were judged! They rooted through things and made me do most of the work dropping things off and sorting and placing in bins (other times at other stores I'm greeted, helped with things from the car- a 30 second task. This took me nearly 15 mins).

One time my mom had a thrift store come pick up items for donation & they actually refused to take some items (I don't know what/why -- I think maybe clothes that looked fine to her but they said they had tiny stains on them or something??) so she won't ever do that now... and I'm always afraid the same will happen to me so I will only drop items in the bins outside, I won't go into the store... It's strange, if you ask me!!

[zippy_francis]

Originally Posted by SleeplessMommy

If you bought all your baby clothing and toys new, I would think you are crazy. (Look! a cute $30 outfit we will wear twice!) So you risk judgment either way.

We buy used and donate afterward. For environmental reasons not just to save money.

My thoughts exactly!

Every single thing we got for my DD1 was used. Furniture and all. Most was hand-me-downs but alot was from second hand stores. The only new things I got were from my baby showers. I didnt purchase anything. It has gotten harder for me to buy clothes second hand as they get older but toys and such are always great buys on Craigslist or freecycle is great! I love thrift shopping. I know my co-workers thing I am weird but then again I work in the dreaded self-absorbed, conservative, greedy Financial Industry so I expect the comments and looks. But for someone to spend $300 on crib sheets (the kid is just going to poop and barf on it!?!?!?!) in my opinion, is the crazy one!


Unfortunately, a lady I work with really did that...

[whoami]

I don't know how you can really switch your attitude, but it's possible to do so. At first I felt less than for shopping in the stores, and guilty for snatching up deals that people perhaps in a worse situation could have used, but I got over it. We love that we save money, but we love that it's environmentally friendly as well. We could afford to buy certain things new, but I just don't see the point. Why buy a pyrex dish for $8 when I can buy a used, like new one for 50 cents and not have to worry about tossing packaging? When we eat out we use a buy one get one 95% of the time. I know people who even if they have the coupon, won't use it because it seems "tacky". I don't get it.

[Pariah]

Oh, I can't believe I forgot this...probably because it happened to my boyfriend, not me personally. We were getting gas, and he went in to pay cash. He had a coupon for 50 cents off of a bottle of soda, so why not use it, right? He gave it to the cashier who said, "Are you really that hard up that you have to use a coupon for a soda?" and my boyfriend I think was stunned more than anything. I can't believe someone would be so rude.

[justmama]

I think it's you OP. And I say that half-kidding and in a loving way. And I say that because you could be ME! I am 29 which isn't all that young anymore for a mom but I have 3 kids, ages 10, 5, and 2 and I'm single. So yeah, no man around. And I feel self-conscious sometimes when I am bargain shopping from the reduced produce rack or the damaged rack at the grocery store with my 3 in tow and paying with my food stamps. But I think it's wholly my opinion of myself and my own judgement of my life and no one else realizes what I see because most people ASSume that I am a sahm who is married and my hubby is out bringing home the bacon while I care for our children. Everytime I go grocery shopping and my children act up, I get a cashier looking at me with that knowing smile saying, "oh just wait until daddy gets home right????" Or when I was out at the consignment shop today(one I frequent and they know me just by sight) one of the girls there casually said, "oh your husband must LOVE that yo u save so much by shopping here for the girls huh?" I didn't bother correcting anyone. It's none of their business. But that just goes to show you that no one else ASSumes that I am single and poor when I bargain shop or use coupons and I doubt they do that to you as well. So it's probably just your own insecurities just like it's mine.

[swd12422]

Yes, I do, but I get it from my family and friends, who know we "can afford" to pay full price for things and buy "good" (i.e., Children's Place and Gymboree) clothes for DS. But I won't do it. DS is a) a toddler and b) a very active, inquisitive boy who can really wear his clothes out. I refuse to pay more than $5 for a shirt or pants for him. It's not worth it to me. My mom cringes when I mention that we accept hand-me-downs from other moms so lots of his clothes are FREE. And they don't understand why on earth I'd sell his stuff back to a resale shop or at a yard sale to get money for it, when I could just donate the whole load and be done with it. I'd love to give it all away for free, but the reality is that the economy is not that great and if I can make a little extra cash here and there by selling stuff rather than donating it, then I feel I should.

I can't wait til they find out I'm starting a garden so I can grow our food! (They already think I'm insane for making yogurt instead of buying it, even though it's 4 times the price of milk!)

But they don't see these things as thrifty, they see it as being cheap.... So maybe it's a little different....

[daytripper75]

I take pride in my frugality. It allows my family to live a richer lifestyle filled with experiences that we might not otherwise be able to afford. It also frees us to be generous with others. Need some handmedowns? Sure thing! We only paid $20 for last seasons clothing for both children! Take them all!