could this be PPD????

[moonmama22]

I just gave birth to my beautiful baby girl 5 days ago after a very quick labor and med-free birth... My whole experience at the hospital was fantastic, and at the discharge "talk" when PPD was mentioned, I pretty much shook it off. I was fine after ds was born. Then two nights ago, while I was laying awake and unable to fall asleep, I started feeling anxious. Then I started to panic that could become one of those women you see on the news who are wonderful mothers until they break from reality and hurt themselves or their kids. I have NEVER had that feeling before - obviously in my right mind I never would. But I was terrified that I would develop Postpartum Psychosis.... Totally unlikely, I know, but in my mind, it was a possible reality. I freaked out thinking about what that might be like, and cried myself silly... I was fine yesterday, then again last night, started to panic. My sister was her while dw had taken ds out for the evening, and I lost it and broke down to her. She and my friend stayed here with me, then helped with the kids while dw cared for me. This morning, I felt silly about the whole thing, thinking I must just have been overtired. But now that it is evening again, I can't stop crying, and the panic is already setting in... I don't want to stress dw out any more than she already is, and I'm trying to deal with my anxiety, but I just keep crying and feeling sick...
I have suffered from general anxiety and was taking meds for it until getting pregnant. Didn't feel too anxious during the pregnancy, but all of a sudden it hit me like a brick wall...
Is 5 days postpartum too early to be PPD??? I'm calling OB in the morning, because I am so terrified by the anxiety I'm feeling, but I'm just so scared that I will never feel normal enough to be a good mother to my amazing children...

[ivymae]

Postpartum anxiety is very real. I like this write up:
http://postpartumprogress.typepad.co...english-1.html

You are not a burden, a bother or going to cause undo stress by admitting you need help to your partner. You are being brave, and the best mama to your little ones. You deserve to be well.

Please check in and let us know how you are doing.

[moonmama22]

Thank you for your response! I did speak with my Ob - he wrote me a prescription for Zoloft if I wanted it...
Daytimes are good - as soon as it starts to get dark, I start to feel extremely anxious again. I have been leaving the tv on in my room at night, so when I wake up with the baby it is not dark and silent in the house, though last night our power was out! That was very difficult for a while!!!
In general I think I'm feeling better, but I always think that in the daytime.
I appreciate your feedback - I will read that article that you posted as well!
Thanks!

Read the article - absolutely fits my thoughts to a T!!! VERY reassuring and helpful to know that you can feel like you are crazy without truly being crazy!

[esanders]

you are not alone!!

PP anxiety is lesser known than PPD, but is very real!! What you are describing sounds like me...to a T!!!! I am currently 3.5 months postpartum.

I called my OB in complete panic and he also prescribed Zoloft. I did try it for a week with mixed results (decreased fear of "going crazy" but increased overall anxiety). However, everyone reacts differently to it and it is generally supposed to be very well tolerated.

I opted for therapy, found a very good CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) therapist who has been outstanding!!

Know that it is VERY COMMON, you WILL get through it, and most importantly, do not feel shameful or delay getting help through meds (if needed) and/or therapy if it continues!

Hang in there mamma!!

[esanders]

ps

Just a quick follow up I agree- 5 days postpartum you are still very early on. These fears could very well pass. Generally the rule of thumb is "the majority of days for two-weeks with the symptoms causing marked distress"

Be well and keep us posted!

[Bebegim]

oh no! im sorry you are feeling this way. i too had horrifying anxiety after DD was born. I was convinced someone was going to hurt her, she was going to stop breathing in her sleep or get hurt in some way. I could barely sleep. I would obsessively check on her several times a night to make sure she was breathing until, well, im embarassed to say how long. Probably until about 2 1/2 YEARS. haha. It didnt really effect my day time. But it did drive my husband out of his mind, as sometimes i would check on her and wake her. which he thought was super selfish... but i couldnt sleep unless i knew she was alive. other weird things too. voices, trying to talk to me. and they didnt just happen when i was alone. once when i was mid conversation with my mother in her kitchen a voice literally called out my name and asked me to come here. clear as day. another time i was walking downtown on the street at 2pm in the afternoon and a very distinct old man said, "psst, hey, mame, can you help me?" like he was standing right next to me, i turned around, no one within two blocks.

I was already seeing a therapist long before she was born and explained all my fears, told her I thought I had post partum psychosis because I was hearing voices too. She asked me if the voices were telling me to hurt the baby. I said no, just calling my name or asking me to help them with something. She said that its really common to hear things during and after pregnancy, but no one talks about it, because it makes you look crazy. She suggested it may be some "spiritual" thing we just dont get. she said as long as i dont have a desire to cause harm or nothing inside my head is telling me i should (and im believing it), then im fine. "weird things happen when you lose all those hormones at once." was the explanation she gave me.

anyways, after about 6 months the voices disappeared. The anxiety lasted until about 2 1/2 years, like I said. I think some women just respond differently when they lose their hormones. Although, there was one trans-Atlantic flight where DD screamed for 3 hours straight. Boy did I want to kill her on that flight. She was like a total stranger to me. But I know I wasnt the only one who was having those thoughts

My therapist also said, thinking about hurting people, letting it cross your mind is normal and then discarding it as a non-viable option. its the brains way of weighing the pro's and con's during decision making. If you dont allow yourself to think of the alternative, your brain cannot assess the situation. She gave me some example about noticing the water was getting filled in her baby's bath and wondering what it would be like if it went over the baby's head. She said, in no way was I seriously considering it, but it was a natural thought. What would happen if I didnt turn off the water? She suggested that feeling guilt over those kind of knee jerk thoughts is a slippery slope and that can lead to self-doubt and more emotional upset.

She said actually harming your children was rare before they had PPD screening and she felt in most cases, the women were not stable before-hand and the post-partum just made it significantly worse.

i hope you feel better soon mama!!! Enjoy your sweet baby!!! The more bonding time you get, the better you will feel. Try looking into your life and seeing if there are other areas of stress that may be manifesting in this way. And remember, post partum is so hard! You're dumping 9 months worth of hormones!!!