i am at a fork in the road in my life! i really need advice! - Page 2

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by Polishbabies

Do what you have to do then.. it takes courage.. all the best...

thank you... he if i posted my pros and cons list... you you ladies help me with what it really says?

[goodygumdrops]

This is how my marriage is in a lot of ways. My husband has struggled with addiction for years. If we didn't have a son, I would be out the door.

[Stephenie]

I guess I will go against the grain here... can you wait it out and go to couple's therapy when he gets back? Go on your own now and try to sort through this? You've invested a lot of your life with this man, maybe there's something worth saving. Maybe not, but if nothing else it would help you feel confident that you'd tried.

Sorry you're feeling this way. It has to be really isolating to live away from where you want to be and have him gone so much.

[lovebug]

Originally Posted by Stephenie

I guess I will go against the grain here... can you wait it out and go to couple's therapy when he gets back? Go on your own now and try to sort through this? You've invested a lot of your life with this man, maybe there's something worth saving. Maybe not, but if nothing else it would help you feel confident that you'd tried.

Sorry you're feeling this way. It has to be really isolating to live away from where you want to be and have him gone so much.

i am willing to try it AGAIN, but i cant do couple's therapy by myself and that is what always happens. he goes to one maybe two time then he can never make it, he does not like the therapist or he is just too busy!

but it is something i am looking into yet again!

goodygumdrops- s!!! its hard! and the biggest issue is he thinks i can fix him i cant fix anything! you have to do that on your own!

the door is looking better and better by the day

[bluebirdiemama]

You said that he thinks everything is fine, that you guys are happy, and that an announcement of divorce would be a shock to him. I can understand that being frustrating in itself. My husband is problematically optomistic, to the point that, when there is a problem, he's more likely to joke it off than deal with it.
Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel? Maybe you could work something out... contracts for the army are only a couple years right? Is his contract coming to an end any time soon?

I would say that, by reading your OP, and a couple replies, it sounds like you are trying to make a decision based on your feelings, which I have found is never a very good idea. Every time I have made a decision (esp a big one) based on feelings I've regretted it.
I'd suggest that, you married him, and you love him... stick with it. Talk to him. Marriages have their ups and downs, and you don't want someone deciding not to stick by you, because they "feel" less the degree of emotion than they would like. You should instead talk about it and work together to bring that level of love back into the relationship.

[Stephenie]

Originally Posted by bluebirdiemama

You said that he thinks everything is fine, that you guys are happy, and that an announcement of divorce would be a shock to him. I can understand that being frustrating in itself. My husband is problematically optomistic, to the point that, when there is a problem, he's more likely to joke it off than deal with it.
Have you tried to talk to him about how you feel? Maybe you could work something out... contracts for the army are only a couple years right? Is his contract coming to an end any time soon?

I would say that, by reading your OP, and a couple replies, it sounds like you are trying to make a decision based on your feelings, which I have found is never a very good idea. Every time I have made a decision (esp a big one) based on feelings I've regretted it.
I'd suggest that, you married him, and you love him... stick with it. Talk to him. Marriages have their ups and downs, and you don't want someone deciding not to stick by you, because they "feel" less the degree of emotion than they would like. You should instead talk about it and work together to bring that level of love back into the relationship.

I think this is good advice.
Let him know how serious you are- tell him you WILL leave if he does not agree to couple's therapy and make it a priority in his life. Maybe it will open his eyes. If not, then obviously you have to do what will keep you sane. But giving him "a last chance sounds like a good idea.

Good luck, no matter what you do it won't be easy.