A good book for a struggling SAHM?

[GuavaGirl]

Has anyone read a really good book on dealing with the struggles of being a stay at home mom? ...hopefully one that helped you. I wonder if there is one that is more suited to a newer SAHM with just a baby, like me.


Just looking on Amazon, I came up with a few titles. Have you read any of these, or have something to add:


---The Stay-at-Home Survival Guide: Field-Tested Strategies for Staying Smart, Sane, and Connected While Caring for Your Kids

---Absolutely Organized: A Mom's Guide to a No-Stress Schedule and Clutter-Free Home

---Domestically Challenged: A Working Mom's Survival Guide to Becoming a Stay-at-Home Mom (2nd Edition)

---Finding Your Way Home: How To Become A Successful Stay-At-Home Parent

---The Balanced Mom: Raising Your Kids Without Losing Your Self

---The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate and Re-Balance Your Life

---Mothers Need Time-Outs, Too: Its Good to be a Little Selfish--It Actually Makes You a Better Mother

---Absolutely Organized: A Mom's Guide to a No-Stress Schedule and Clutter-Free Home

[zinemama]

Back when I was in your shoes, I tended not to like that type of book, the ones that suggested that if I just followed a certain plan, I'd be fine. What really got me through were memoirs. Reading about other women who felt just like me did a lot to make me feel less stressed out.

One I like a lot was Andi Buchanan's Mother Shock

[slvsquared]

I've really enjoyed the Total Mom Makeover. I thought it would be about not being frumpy...but it was more about taking care of yourself, getting organized, and containing the general chaos that kids can create.

[wondermama]

I second going for the memoir vs. "how to do it" book suggestion -- after 10-plus years of this SAHM gig, and hundreds of dollars spent on books I was sure would somehow solve my SAHM "issues" (which, by the way, change month to month depending on what my dd/ds/dh were up to, seriously!) -- I have come to the painful, yet somehow liberating, answer that -- THERE IS NO ANSWER! I just have to take it as it comes, have humor and grace and good company, and let the rest go. Seriously -- unless you are the type of person who really can follow someone else's plan and feel satisfied with that, save your money on the "how-to" books and read some great honest stories by other mamas -- you will feel in good company, realize it's just that way for everyone in a different package, and forgive yourself for all the mistakes you're making and will continue to make.

Some of my favorites, for what it's worth: (My all-time favorite) Mother Mysteries by Maren Tonder Hansen. The Big Rumpus by Ayun Halliday (and her hilarious zine The East Village Inky). Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields (this is about PPD but a great reminder of how hard it can be, even if you plan well and do your best to have it all "together"). Expecting Adam by Martha Beck, though that's a story told about a special-needs journey, is so fabulous it's worth reading.

Enjoy the journey, be easy on yourself. And find some good company to laugh, celebrate, and commiserate with -- find women who will tell the truth about what's going on in their lives and you will be okay. Big hugs, mama.

[peainthepod]

I really like What Mothers Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen. It's not really a self-help book, but a thoughtful study of mothers (all kinds of mothers, not just SAHMs) and how what we do is so important even when it seems like we're not doing much at all. I highly recommend it if you're feeling down or uncertain.

[newmamalizzy]

I'm a new SAHM myself, and I definitely know the impulse to search for a how-to guide. So far it's only served to make me feel falsely confident, then deflated when things are just as chaotic and difficult the next day. What NOT to read: The letters to the editor at the beginning of Mothering magazine (ironically enough). They always sound so rosy, the mothers so natural and joyous, it makes me feel like everyone else can do this but me. What I WOULD recommend: As opposed to a book, try a new mom's group if there's one in your area. Maybe you (we) just need to see how this SAHM thing actually plays out for other women? Good luck, and feel free to PM me if you want commiseration.

[~*Trish*~]

I just finished, and really enjoyed, Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes. It is less of a how-to guide than it is a book to help you feel really good and empowered about your choice. The book also has plenty of resources for other, more how-to style, books. I also agree with newmamalizzy in that real-world connections are vital to your existence. Good luck!

[Blueone]

I really liked Momma Zen. It's a reflection of being a mom by a mother who had Buddhist training and all of that. It's easy to read and follow. I loved it!

[happyhats]

I recently picked up, The Stay At Home Parent Survival Guide by Christina Baglivi Tinglof. It was at a used book fair so I thought I would give it a try. Yes, it's a how to, but it really helped me during some burn outs, and it has some ideas to inspire me.

[major_mama11]

Staying Home: From Full-time professional to Full-time Parent

This was hands down the best book I've ever read on being a SAHP. My main issue was with keeping my own identity, and that was a big part of the book. It really delves into the psychological aspects of choosing to SAH.

(Unfortunately, just after reading that book and feeling finally ok about things, things went crappy financially and I switched from working PRN to FT for most of this year. But it's still on my shelf, and I look forward to re-reading it someday soon- as I want to rejoin the SAH world as soon as financially feasible!)

[jtbuko]

Seconding the rec for Operating Instructions and leaning towards memoirs at first.

Having found MDC already you are light years ahead of where I was when I was a new SAHM

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by ~*Trish*~

I just finished, and really enjoyed, Radical Homemakers by Shannon Hayes.

Great book!

[justduckyangie]

Originally Posted by wondermama

The Big Rumpus by Ayun Halliday (and her hilarious zine The East Village Inky).

That is a great book...(and zine) I remember reading that one when I first started staying home 2.5 years ago.

[EviesMom]

People already mentioned my 2 favorites, but they're so good I'll re-iterate them:

What Mothers Do Especially When It Looks Like Nothing by Naomi Stadlen (This is really super fantastic, even as a second time mother; very validating; very good academically as well; it was recommended to me by a University Professor in psychology who is also a mother.)

and Radical Homemakers, which I've just started to read.

[rightkindofme]

heh. It takes all kinds--I hate Radical Homemakers with a passion.

I haven't found a book that has helped me much. I find that things are so different from day to day that there isn't really a 'system' that I can impose on my life. I go through housework heavy phases and going out heavy phases and just play with the kiddo heavy phases. I sort of think of it like food choices--it's ok if every meal isn't perfectly balanced as long as things are pretty balanced overall.

But I have a more-cheerful-than-usual working spouse who helps when I'm feeling fried.