Advice on taking care of newborn and 4yr old?

[sora]

Hi,

I have a 4yr old and a two month old. I have a pretty busy schedule with my 4yr old. I take her out to a park, or playgroup and take her to a preschool. I live in a condo so if I don't take her out, she goes crazy.
I find this busy schedule is hard on the baby. He falls asleep in the car or stroller but does not stay asleep after it stops. So he ends up taking 15-30min naps at a time. He is cranky because he does not get good naps.

I have been trying to put him on a routine but it's almost impossible because I feel that I have to take my older child out of the house for some activities.

If I stay home all day, my older kid is very bored and wants to watch TV all day. I also find it difficult to put the baby sleep in the house as my daughter keeps bothering me and the baby. He usually takes better naps at home than outside home but not always. If I put him in a swing, he sleeps longer.

He also wakes up every two hours during the night for nursing. I'm very grumpy as I don't have enough sleep at night.

Any advice? I'm so desperate so that I want to send my older one to all day day care. I find that 2 hour long preschool is more of a hassle for me than a break. My child loves preschool though. I'm so fed up with dropping off/picking up my child for preschool. My baby's sleep gets disturbed because of this too. And I don't get anything done at home during the time.

Should I cut down some activities and stay home most of days for my baby's naps? How would I entertain my 4 yr old all day at home?

Thanks so much for reading.

[Lauren31]

I don't have any advice bc I have just the one baby. But is there anyone who can carpool with you to pick up the 4 year old from ps? Also, can you arrrange play dates with other moms for the 4 year old away from the house once or so a week? hmm... another thought would be cosleeping with the baby so you are not getting up everytime he wants to eat. you sound tired, hang in there!

[mom2happy]

It sounds like she really relies on you and places for entertainment.
One way you can teach her to do things with out you is through art.


The thing that keeps my other kids busy when I am not available for playing or taking them somewhere is our craft basket.
Glue, felt, scissors, sparkles, popsicle sticks, different types of paper, pipe cleaners.......................................... .
If you take out a project to do everyday she can be creative by herself and you can clean up the mess later.
There are millions of ideas for easy projects online or in craftbooks. You dont have to make things complicated or even be involved. Just get her started on some ideas and let her run wild with it.
My dd will does this stuff for hours- even when she was in a highchair.
I have a 5, 7, and a new baby and its pretty crazy right now.
We are actually planning a trip to the craft store this week.
Having all of these things on hand helps to keep them busy and not have tv.
Its a mess, but better than having guilt about the tv.

Also, the second baby will get used to being toted around. Its just the way it goes. My poor third one has to go everywhere as I run errands and have to transport the other 2. Having another baby is a major adjustment and life changes a little for everyone in the family.

One thing my kids love is to collect rocks or shells and paint them.
more ideas..
glueing grass and leaves to paper, and then drawing animals on that page
Benderoos
moonsand
legos/ lincoln logs
glitter pens
sand art
glueing googly eyes
glueing feathers onto things
making things with sculpey
those iron bead things with the trays
making braclets, necklaces
painting ceramics

Does she have her own cd player?
My kids love listening to music in their rooms and switching the cds around.
Im sure others have tons of ideas too.

[ann_of_loxley]

Do you have a sling?

I don't know what I would do without mine.

I too have a nearly 5 year old and a nearly 3 month old.

When DS2 was born, I remember telling a friend 'I see now why the travel system was invented'. DS2 was a very different baby than DS1. He likes his sleep and gets pretty grumpy without it. Far from the 'portable baby' that DS1 was. Their birth order would have been better the other way around! hehe

But DS2 gets plenty of sleep in the sling - so that I can be on the go. Even if I didn't have DS1 to look after (because it has nothing to do with the age gap - I seriously wouldn't want a smaller age gap at all!) - I would still want to be on the go and not stuck to the house all day long! So my sling is very valuable in that respect. I also choose to parent this way - that is, I choose to wear my baby for most of the day as an actual parenting choice rather than just for its conveinience. He is pretty happy and now acustomed to having many small naps a day instead of a few big ones. I actually belive that this is more natural and better as it does mean he feeds more often and misses out on smaller/fewer chunks of the day. Hes a very social baby and I reckon its pretty great for his development (espeically from his sling view! hehe).

This all passes of course - eventually they no longer nap as much and are more awake and active - so it will be less of a problem for you then. (and maybe you can work in a one or two good long naps at home then).

[colemom]

I have a similar age gap with my kids (ds is 4, dd is 6 mos). Baby girl sleeps much better at home and it was hard with all the running around, lots of quick naps in her car seat or carrier. We have preschool, play dates, park visits, swimming and trips to the library.

Basically, I had to make peace with that our mornings were on the go so my ds had an activity to get his wiggles out, and started to make an effort to be home in the afternoon. She would cat nap through the morning crazies and have a quiet afternoon. This really helped her to get at least one solid nap in every day. When we are in our normal routine, she gets enough sleep.

I use the afternoon as a time to spend one-on-one, quality time with ds. We read, do puzzles, color, paint, play a game, play in the backyard, etc. He gets the attention he craves and she gets a nap. Then we head into the evening routine of clean up/video/bath/dinner with everyone's needs met for the day, it's a win-win situation.

[greenemami]

Originally Posted by colemom

I have a similar age gap with my kids (ds is 4, dd is 6 mos). Baby girl sleeps much better at home and it was hard with all the running around, lots of quick naps in her car seat or carrier. We have preschool, play dates, park visits, swimming and trips to the library.

Basically, I had to make peace with that our mornings were on the go so my ds had an activity to get his wiggles out, and started to make an effort to be home in the afternoon. She would cat nap through the morning crazies and have a quiet afternoon. This really helped her to get at least one solid nap in every day. When we are in our normal routine, she gets enough sleep.

I use the afternoon as a time to spend one-on-one, quality time with ds. We read, do puzzles, color, paint, play a game, play in the backyard, etc. He gets the attention he craves and she gets a nap. Then we head into the evening routine of clean up/video/bath/dinner with everyone's needs met for the day, it's a win-win situation.

nak-mine are 3 years apart and we do this above, but reversed, i try for the good morning nap and then let the afternoon unfold as it may. we def. don't do a lot of activities though especially in the summer.

[Peony]

Some days the baby doesn't get a decent nap because we are out and about but then other days we have to stay home so baby does get a real nap. We were out this morning so we will stay home this afternoon. It works well for the summer, during the school year it it harder because of pick up and drop off from school. There are some days I drive home just so baby can nap and then I turn around and go straight back into town when he wakes up. DS can't nap on the go in a carrier, he only likes my bed for naps. I couldn't do a 2 hour preschool, I'd just be getting home and settled and then it would be time to go again.

[Mom2M]

I have the same age gap and it was really tough in the beginning because I felt the same way about taking my DD out.

I finally figured out that if the baby got her 1st nap almost exactly 2 hours after she woke up in the morning and slept for 2 hours or so, she was fine the rest of the day and would cat nap in the car seat or wrap if we were out and still sleep at night. (she only wakes up twice to eat now)

For her, everything revolves around that 1st nap If it isn't on time or not long enough, she will not take a good nap at any other time of the day and actually gets more awake and doesn't sleep well overnight!

So...DD1 gets to stay home during 1st nap and we wouldn't leave until after lunch to do things.
Like a pp said, art is a terrific way to give her something to do on her own and she makes some of the most amazing art I've ever seen for her age.
She always has tons of stuff freely available to her like scissors, glue, paint, etc...and it really works great for us.

[terra-pip]

I have a 7 year old, a 3 year old and a 2 week old...so yeah I know this feeling.

I always tried to save some DVD that was new and novel for my oldest son when my second came...so he would be into watching that while I had the newborn down to rest. This time the two boys entertain themselves well enough...it's making sure my 3 year old gets his nap and some attention thats been tricky. They play on the computer quite a bit.

As far as outside activities...at this point I have husband deal with taking the older ones places by himself. When I get the newborn out more then I'll rely on slings and carriers. I also believe it's perfectly fine to streamline an older childs schedule when you have a baby in the house. Learning to entertain themselves and just relax with not much to do is good for kids. Just have a lot of art supplies and toys around that keep little ones busy...pretend toys or building toys are good.

Keep snacks in a place where the older one can help themselves...maybe lay on your bed together and read stories while you nurse or hold the newborn..the oldest one may drift off to sleep that way. Always a plus.

It does get better..I promise!!!

[snoopy5386]

OP I could have written your post minus the preschool part, we'll be dealing with that in the fall. I try to be home for at least one nap a day for the baby, but sometimes that doesn't happen. I also try to have at least 1 day a week where we are home all day, prior to baby we would be on the go all 5 days a week, frequently all day long. If we are going to be somewhere indoors I bring DD2's swaddle blanket with me and then she'll sleep a bit longer which helps too. Crafts don't work for my DD and we also fight about tv. Usually though she'll get in a groove with pretend play after a bit.

[transylvania_mom]

I have the same age gap between my kids. Things started to improve now that baby dd is getting older (9mo) and has two consistent naps. I try to find a good balance between ds's activities and dd's naps.
We go out twice a day, even if one of the "outings" is a picnic in the backyard. We go to the park, to the beach, ds rides his bicycle... Then we come home for dd's nap; ds can watch tv or play on the computer while she naps, so I can make sure he's quiet. When dd wakes up, we have lunch then they play together while I'm doing some housework. Then it's time for baby's second nap while ds watches tv. I limit his screen time to a couple of hours daily (he sets the kitchen timer himself, I had to find a way to keep him quiet while dd naps) so I'm not worried he spends too much time on the computer. (I tried crafts or having him play by himself, but the kid talks constantly and he always wakes up the baby.) When she gets up, we go out again.

When dd was your baby's age, she used to have the same sleep pattern. It might not be entirely because of his sister, especially at night. I loved my wrap, dd used to nap in it for longer periods of time than in bed.

HTH

[sora]

I stayed all day yesterday and I was going insane. The baby keeps waking up after 40 min and I can sometimes put him back to sleep or sometimes I cannot. This morning, I watched him sleeping the whole time and he wakes up exactly after 40 min, with his eyes wide open and it took me another 10 min to put him back to sleep, after 10-15min he's up again. I finally put him in the swing. This morning I was able to do this as my husband has a day off and took the older one out. Otherwise, it's really tough. I did not get anything done this morning except trying to put him to sleep.
I find that he sleeps better at home but I will have to keep putting him back to sleep to lengthen his nap. Any advice to lengthen his nap?
I thought about sending my older one to day care to work on the baby's sleep but it's a lot or money.

Thanks!

[Knitting Mama]

Can you try swaddling him? Cecilia generally gets a bit grumpy when I first wrap her up but once she's nursing down, she's fine. And then she stays asleep way longer than she ever does unswaddled.

[sora]

Today's my husband's day off so he took him for a walk for an hour and half. The whole time, he stayed asleep so it was great. I think I will do that in the afternoon at least for an hour when I send my older to preschool. He was much happier having longer naps today.

[Pookietooth]

I usually just try to make sure dd gets at least one morning nap. If we go out, it is in the afternoon and she usually misses her early afternoon nap and sometimes her later afternoon nap as well. She does not sleep well away from home, and hates the sling (and other carriers like the mei tai and ergo are ok but she won't sleep in them), so we compromis. Luckily for us right now it's summer and ds can play outside with the other kids from nearby buildings (we are in a large apartment complex); have no idea what will happen when summer is over and the other kids are in school..

[terra-pip]

Maybe you guys could try family nap time? My 7 year old can keep himself well entertained and quiet ...he usually does not nap. But if I sit with my 3 year old on my bed and read while nursing or holding my 2 week old...I can usually get him to nap or at the least lay quietly and hear stories which is like a rest. And if they fall asleep the better..I can doze a little while I know my oldest is happy on the computer or playing/drawing in his room.

[Kmama2]

Originally Posted by colemom

I have a similar age gap with my kids (ds is 4, dd is 6 mos). Baby girl sleeps much better at home and it was hard with all the running around, lots of quick naps in her car seat or carrier. We have preschool, play dates, park visits, swimming and trips to the library.

Basically, I had to make peace with that our mornings were on the go so my ds had an activity to get his wiggles out, and started to make an effort to be home in the afternoon. She would cat nap through the morning crazies and have a quiet afternoon. This really helped her to get at least one solid nap in every day. When we are in our normal routine, she gets enough sleep.

I use the afternoon as a time to spend one-on-one, quality time with ds. We read, do puzzles, color, paint, play a game, play in the backyard, etc. He gets the attention he craves and she gets a nap. Then we head into the evening routine of clean up/video/bath/dinner with everyone's needs met for the day, it's a win-win situation.

I also do this but in reverse ( my 3 year old still naps) The baby either misses his am nap, cat naps, or gets woken up so we can go to playdates, park, library etc. I am almost always home in the afternoon so they can both nap. If we are home in the am I always do 1:1 time with my preschooler while the baby naps so she gets some alone time. And.. in the am while i nurse the baby down I put on a video for my 3 year old. There is no other way. Otherwise she comes upstairs and talks and wakes up the baby.

[KTProvi]

I'm surprised noone has mentioned more preschool. Are your only options 2 hrs or all day? I have a 3.75-yr-old big boy and a 3-mo-old baby. My big guy was in preschool until noon every day, but my husband just had surgery and I got totally overwhelmed.

I decided to put DS1 in preschool every day until 4, and it's the best thing ever. He LOVES it, much to my surprise. It's actually not that different for him, since basically he's just staying for lunch, a nap, and wake up/ snack time. And it's much better for him than coming home at noon and, yes, watching more tv than I would have liked. At school he eats, naps, and is stimulated by all the friends, toys, and playground. It's heaven for me, and gives the baby much more nap time.

If it's an option, by all means put your big kid in school for more hours, esp since she likes it there.

[Pookietooth]

Oh, and as far as sleeping, I found that at that age dd slept so much better swaddled in a dark room with white noise (air purifier). And still she sleeps much better covered in a darkened room with white noise.

[OneWithTwo]

I feel like a bad mom...

I am too exhausted from pumping and taking care of a new baby(5 months but preemie) that we gave up almost all of our activities for now.
Yeah, she watches more tv than I'd like, but I feel it's for now and it won't ruin her. Mine needs his sleep, he is small and has a few health issues. I have TONS of coloring stuff and stickers, books, she has plenty of toys too and a nice locked fenced back yard to play in.
We still make it to some playdates and try to go to the library more....otherwise, it's movies/tv.