Where do you turn for help?

[That Is Nice]

I'm feeling sort of near my breaking point with a 4.5 year old who has SPD, ADHD, hypotonia, and gross/fine motor skill delays (at 4.5 years still not pedaling, drawning, can't hold a crayon correctly, not potty trained, can't pull up and pull down clothes without a lot of assistance and encouragement).

The running off and bolting wears me out. I can't keep up. The crashing, banging, awkward movements teeter on being dangerous to himself and to other things.

Running errands is nearly impossible, and often dangerous if I turn my attention away for one second to get a grocery cart, talk to a cashier. I hate getting in and out of the car, and crossing parking lots...there is always an attempt to break from my hand and run off.

The endless talking, monologue of asking questions and repeating non-squittor phrases and sayings leaves me exasperated and unsettled, distracted, and headachy after a 20 minute car ride or an endless day of out of control behavior AND endless talking.

Who do you turn to for help?

Not too many friends want to babysit my kid, ever. I do have him enrolled in daycare while I work. My inlaws are absent, for the most part, and unsupportive. My parents absent.

DH works long hours and has little time off to contribute, and is basically not helpful.

I'm feeling very overburdened with an ADHD / SPD kid, my career, and responsibilities as a mother.

I mean, the sensory issues and food spilling/throwing/messy eating alone makes my kitchen/dining room and laundry an endless cleaning cycle. I can't keep up.

Help.

[BookGoddess]

My child's potty training, self-help skills, fine motor skills, etc. were helped enormously by a good special ed teacher in an inclusion preschool. We got those services through an IEP. We initially had DD in a typical preschool, but that teacher, great as she was for typical kids, didn't have a clue about kids with special needs. In some ways, I feel that year at the nice typical preschool was wasted. The progress DD has made since we accepted an IEP offer from the school district is really good. Have you considered contacting the school district for an IEP? It sounds like he might qualify for free services that would so benefit him, and make your life easier.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by BookGoddess

My child's potty training, self-help skills, fine motor skills, etc. were helped enormously by a good special ed teacher in an inclusion preschool. We got those services through an IEP. We initially had DD in a typical preschool, but that teacher, great as she was for typical kids, didn't have a clue about kids with special needs. In some ways, I feel that year at the nice typical preschool was wasted. The progress DD has made since we accepted an IEP offer from the school district is really good. Have you considered contacting the school district for an IEP? It sounds like he might qualify for free services that would so benefit him, and make your life easier.

Correct me if I'm wrong, please, but am I correct that some states do not have special ed / inclusion pre-schools / pre-K? We went through the federally funded / county operated program for EIS until age 3. Then we were turned over to the school district, where at the time, we did not qualify. We were borderline for being so far below the mean. The delays were there, but just slightly higher than the amount needed to qualify. However, two years later, the delays have persisted and not changed much, so probably at this age, we're even more delayed and would qualify.

But there is no special school or schools where the services are offered, subsidized or not.

Our state / school district provides remote services where the provider for OT or speech or whatever comes either to the home or the existing daycare environment.

This is how it works in certain states, no?

I know in other states there are special bricks and mortar schools with placement programs.

[Aridel]

Originally Posted by That Is Nice

Correct me if I'm wrong, please, but am I correct that some states do not have special ed / inclusion pre-schools / pre-K? We went through the federally funded / county operated program for EIS until age 3. Then we were turned over to the school district, where at the time, we did not qualify. We were borderline for being so far below the mean. The delays were there, but just slightly higher than the amount needed to qualify. However, two years later, the delays have persisted and not changed much, so probably at this age, we're even more delayed and would qualify.

But there is no special school or schools where the services are offered, subsidized or not.

Our state / school district provides remote services where the provider for OT or speech or whatever comes either to the home or the existing daycare environment.

This is how it works in certain states, no?

I know in other states there are special bricks and mortar schools with placement programs.

Many schools house their pre-K in existing school buildings, usually a room or two in their elementary schools. I had heard that there are states that follow the home-visiting model/EI type thing more, rather than having kids come to school. I'd have him re-assessed by the school at this point; even if it is just a visiting therapist, help with his sensory issues sounds like it is very needed at this point. Would your insurance help cover any OT for him? It sounds like he may need a sensory diet as well as some strategies to use, but different techniques are better for different kiddos, so I'd see if you can have an eval with an OT who would be able to suggest specifics. Even if all you can do is the eval, I'd go for it - be up front about what you can handle, and if you are looking for home/preschool suggestions primarily, tell the evaluator about it.

[Peony]

I would have him reevaluated and see if he does qualify now. What are you describing is how it works in my area as well, there are no schools where they send children like your DS, they might have some one come in the home if they qualify. SPD is not a recognized dx here, if they recognize it then they would need to provide services for it, same for dyslexia, so every single one of DD1's therapies has to paid for privately. In areas that have no resources for SPD, traveling for intensive OT sessions may be one option. We have done that and saw huge results.

[That Is Nice]

Originally Posted by Aridel

Many schools house their pre-K in existing school buildings, usually a room or two in their elementary schools. I had heard that there are states that follow the home-visiting model/EI type thing more, rather than having kids come to school. I'd have him re-assessed by the school at this point; even if it is just a visiting therapist, help with his sensory issues sounds like it is very needed at this point. Would your insurance help cover any OT for him? It sounds like he may need a sensory diet as well as some strategies to use, but different techniques are better for different kiddos, so I'd see if you can have an eval with an OT who would be able to suggest specifics. Even if all you can do is the eval, I'd go for it - be up front about what you can handle, and if you are looking for home/preschool suggestions primarily, tell the evaluator about it.

Thanks! Yes, I'm planning to have him re-evaluated in the fall when school is in session again.

Also, yes, we are in a state where there are therapists who come to your home or daycare only. No bricks and mortar schools.

We have no pre-K in our district. None at all. It went up for a community vote a number of years ago, and was voted down. It's something the school district would like to do, but it is unfunded and not approved, so still not offered. It's a real shame.

If we had pre-K or special schools, I'd enroll him in a heart beat.

Unfortunately, we have no coverage for anything like this (nothing related to development) through insurance. It's specifically called out as an exclusion. I'm really interested to see how the new health insurance reforms may or may not impact that. I think it absolutely sucks that insurance companies can exclude services and threatment for developmental delays.

[karenstir7]

What about hiring a cleaning lady/service to come a couple of times a month? At least someone to do the heavy duty cleaning to help out. My other thought was hiring a mommy's helper. Maybe a teenager that could help out with your child when you run errands and do chores etc. They wouldn't have to be alone with your child but an extra pair of hands would help keep your child entertained perhaps. I use the backpack leash for my son and that seems to help tons. He feels independent but he can't run off. He loves it! I hope you can find some help it sounds like you need it!