Age spacing questions for a future TTC-er

[mommyin2008]

Just wanted to ask you moms out there who have children 3.5-4 years apart, how your transition went when your 2nd was born?

I have a DS right now who will be 2.5 the end of August. He is our first and I had an unplanned C Section. I would be having a repeat C section the next time around. Im really hoping we can start TTW by the time DS is 3, so that would put the spacing around 3 years 9 months apart.

I also work at the hospital 2 nights a week. DH works full time. DS is in school right now 3 days a week and will continue to go to school if/when another comes along.

So, what was the hardest part for you during your transition? I am expecting it to be harder mainly b/c I have to have a c section and I remember how hard it was in the beginning with DS, let alone 2 kids.

DS is potty training now, so Im hopeful he will be pretty much potty trained by the time another baby comes.

Im just looking to see how you thought the transition went for you, how well you coped, etc? What were the biggest challenges? I will have to go back to work most likely after 12 weeks. I plan on Bfing and pumping when I go back to work[as I did with DS..but I didnt go back to work with DS till he was 6 months and he was sleeping pretty well by then].

I also tend to get overwhelmed easily with things in general, so just looking for suggestions/ideas on what your experience was?

Thanks alot!

ETA: I do have great family support and a DH who is very helpful around the house and with DS. So, I do have alot of support, emotionally and physically!

[CrunchyKatie]

I got my positive hpt on my DS's 3rd birthday, so my two littles have the same approximate spacing you are considering. (He was toilet learned by the time the baby was born) My husband is also in school full time. We have close to zero support locally, so aside for my mom's brief (3 day) stay at the time of our 2nd child's birth we were on our own.

Initially the most difficult adjustment for us when my 2nd was born (at home) was me emotionally dealing with not being able to give my oldest 100% of my attention as we were both used to it being just us. I will never forget my friend taking him to the park while I stayed home with my newborn. As I watched them walk away I wept. Mostly mama guilt combined with a hormone crash. He had a great time, though. My oldest also had more screen time in the first month or two than I liked, but I was just tired from the demands of baby and looking back it is what we had to do. If you have people around to help you with your oldest take them up on offers. Getting outside was imperative.

As for my oldest, he adjusted amazingly well. The first 6 months were a breeze. Once baby got mobile and responsive it became more difficult - we had to de-Lego the baby zone, more attention was focused on her as she learned to sit up, crawl, stand, and walk., and so we had a bit more jealousy. There was a rough spot for us around 9 months or so but we worked through it. He loves her to pieces and loves to teach her things now. (She is 14 months, he will be 5 in September). They still have their moments of conflict... not wanting to share, etc. Typical stuff.

For us what has been very important is just taking an hour or two a day to spend one on one with the oldest. It has been challenging because we do not have anybody around to help out, so we usually just have daddy/baby time and momma/big boy time or vice versa. I know that when our relationship is struggling (me and my oldest) that hour of one on one time does wonders.

Over all I think our spacing is wonderful and worked well for us, I would like to have our next one closer in age this time around if my body cooperates, though.

HTH!

[mommyin2008]

bumping!!!

[Mosaic]

DD2 is only 5 months old, so maybe it's a bit early to talk, but I'll try anyway!

DD2 was born when DD1 was 3yr9mo, and I went back to work FT at 11 weeks, and DH also works FT. In a lot of ways, it was pretty easy: DD1 LOVES her little sister, and there has really been very, very little jealousy at all. She enjoys the fact that she can show her little sis how to do things. She has even been amazingly understanding about getting her hair pulled or getting spit up on.

It helps that I can leave her coloring downstairs while I go change a diaper. It helps that she has the ability to reason, so I can explain things and involve DD1 in DD2's care. The challenges have been trying to reign in DD's excitement so that she doesn't accidentally smoosh the baby or pull her head off trying to play with her. Even if she understands it, she's still really active and clumsy, so we have the be careful. It's also hard to make sure that DD1 gets enough attention: she's still a mommy's girl, so that has been rough.

For me personally, sometimes I cannot stand the NOISE and the NEED. Everybody is whining about something and needs something from *ME* and only me and it has to be "RIGHT NOW*, even the cat! I also have less patience for DD's crankiness, stubbornness, and boundary-pushing; I understand that it's part of the age, but I also, literally, don't have time to deal with it sometimes.

Otherwise, there's really no telling what it will be like. Physically I was doing much better after my 2nd birth, but DD2 has been a far more challenging baby than DD1 ever was. I could see the transition being totally different if my daughters switched birth order.