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Does this seem unreasonable? update new90 - Page 3

post #41 of 151
7/29/10 at 10:23pm
Thread Starter 
Wow, so all the sudden today i get voicemail from ex that he's on his way and will be picking the kids up tomorrow afternoon. We haven't heard a word from him, he never signed the agreement and WTF? So my lawyer says i have to do this. She drafted a new agreement and he signed and faxed it today. That's it. I get no choice. I'm not even prepared for having these kids ready for a 10 day visit at all. I have less then 24 hrs to get them ready. I can't believ this. My lawyer said if i don't abide that the judge could very well give him all of next summer. My ex sent me a text saying that the judge knows how i use the children and how manipulative i am and that if i didn't give the kids to him tomorrow that the judge would take his side, again. I'm in shock. I told my lawyer that there it is, the abuser wins again. He gets what he wants and when he wants. And the judge hands it to him.
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post #42 of 151
7/29/10 at 10:25pm
Thread Starter 
He wrote on our agreement that he wants an additional week because of the hardship i've put him thru. My lawyer told him no way. Seriously, i can't believe he can get away with this.
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post #43 of 151
7/29/10 at 11:03pm
I just cannot believe what you have been through and that, yes, the court is awarding his bad, abusive behavior. I am so sorry, for you and your kids. How are they? I know that your attorney is pro bono, but if I were you I would start looking for a very aggressive new attorney. You have been horribly treated by this judge and something needs to be done about it. I am very sorry for you and your kids and I hope this isn't too difficult for them.
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post #44 of 151
7/29/10 at 11:33pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks, they are upset. Their whole lives get upturned for his whims. The three year old is crying. My lawyer said this judge so continuously makes awful judgements that all the lawyers are praying for him to leave in December which he may be doing. New lawyer, yes, new judge, yes. My ex has been so empowered through this judge. It's sad to see an abusive man with such power. I hope the 10 days fly by quick.
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post #45 of 151
7/30/10 at 12:11am
Oh, I hope that judge leaves all right. He is not there to serve the needs of children and families, and that's putting it kindly.

I totally get that your lawyer is agreeing to the minimum, to avoid something far worse... the lesser of two evils. And I get that the idea of finding a new lawyer, with the complicated history behind your case, as well as one that will work pro bono, is a daunting task on top of the weekly hopping you have to do for your ex's whims, on top of parenting (itself enough of a challenge!)... But. I hope you can find a new lawyer. I wonder if she should have sent off that agreement, because you COULD have proven that you'd offered him the time, and that he never responded... I'm not sure if your original offer said anything like, "You need to respond by X date or the offer is revoked."

There has to at least be something in your agreement about giving notice, or something. (My ex, who is involved so it's a whole different situation, but also tries to be controlling, likes to not give me notice for vacations, either, but technically, he's supposed to give me 45 days advance notice.) The arrogance alone, as if you're all just waiting there, doing nothing, to see what his latest mood may be. I know how frustrating that attitude is. Most of all I hope your kids make it through together okay. Does he take them to do anything fun? I hope that before next "vacation time" this judge quits, or the other judge puts him in jail (not sure what happened with the child support issue) - I hope this is the last time you guys have to deal with this!
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post #46 of 151
7/30/10 at 12:23am
Thread Starter 
He says he did respond he just can't prove it. My lawyer intends to use this all at our next hearing. How crazy it was.so the contempt for child support is august 20. I wonder if he has the $7000? Wonder if hell go to jail?
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post #47 of 151
7/30/10 at 10:55am
i'm so sorry for you and your little ones.
i also hope it goes by very, very quickly for everyone.
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post #48 of 151
7/30/10 at 1:32pm
Oh mama, I'm so sorry that things are happening this way. I so hoped for you and your kids that he would just drop it. I'll be praying for you and your LO's every day for the next 10 days. I hope you all can find peace with this, and that he takes good care of your children.
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post #49 of 151
7/30/10 at 3:27pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
Thanks, they are upset. Their whole lives get upturned for his whims. The three year old is crying. My lawyer said this judge so continuously makes awful judgements that all the lawyers are praying for him to leave in December which he may be doing. New lawyer, yes, new judge, yes. My ex has been so empowered through this judge. It's sad to see an abusive man with such power. I hope the 10 days fly by quick.
You need to APPEAL. Seriously - you are going to get NOWHERE in the courtroom you're in. It sounds like you have a great abuse of discretion claim - which is the standard. You need to DO SOMETHING.
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post #50 of 151
7/30/10 at 3:35pm
Praying for you and your kids. I'm so sorry.

Is there any chance he may end up leaving the kids with someone else? My X has 2 weeks with the kids now and he ended up taking them to his parents for the first part and then the second part his mom came here to take care of them. Especially since he hasn't actually been around the kids perhaps he will look for someone else to leave them with?
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post #51 of 151
7/30/10 at 3:57pm
Thinking of you and your kids today Avani.
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post #52 of 151
7/30/10 at 9:19pm
Thread Starter 
Drop off complete. It sucked of course. I parked across the lot from him but he immediatley came right up to my car and stood right next to me. I got the kids out and their things and he got as close to me as he could. Then i asked the kids to come to the other side of the car to say good bye to me and he followed us. Then he kept asking my older daughter to get out of the car and hug him and i told her to stay. He kept asking until she got out. It was so uncomfortable and what the hell is the point of my restraining order. THe judge says he can bypass the 100 yard order during custody exchanges and he fully uses it to his advantage. I was so creeped out. Then he is angry at me for not bringing the kids pillows. I guess they were going camping but i didn't know. Really? pillows are mandatory? Then he got mad that i didn't pack super warm jackets. I thought he was taking them to where he lived where it is in the 100s. I had no clue they were going to camp somewhere cold. He was agitated and complaining and so mad at me. So ok, 10 days. Hope it is quick. Thanks everyone.
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post #53 of 151
7/30/10 at 9:29pm
Do you have a friend that could video the exchanges? Either he would behave himself or you would have documentation of his behavior.

I hope the next 10 days go fast.
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post #54 of 151
8/1/10 at 8:34pm
Thread Starter 
I finally just got ahold of the kids. They are ok, the younger two were sad however, they told me their dad took then to Oregon. They went out of state?! Us that legal? Wouldn't he need my permission to leave the state with them? I'm worried & I can't get ahold of my lawyer.
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post #55 of 151
8/1/10 at 8:39pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
I finally just got ahold of the kids. They are ok, the younger two were sad however, they told me their dad took then to Oregon. They went out of state?! Us that legal? Wouldn't he need my permission to leave the state with them? I'm worried & I can't get ahold of my lawyer.
Yes, he does need permission to leave the state with them, unless your agreement says something that specifies otherwise which I highly doubt. If you find out 100% that he had violated the terms of the agreement I would get the police involved.
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post #56 of 151
8/1/10 at 9:20pm
Thread Starter 
The agreement says he gets the kids from 7/70 until 8/8 at 6 pm with him picking up & dropping off at my local police station. Nothing about logistics of in or out of state. I know the eow have to be in my town. But with the breaks he was able to take them where lived. What do I do? Take my agreement to the police station? Still haven't heard from my lawyer. If there is nothing specific about leaving the state how do I know if he is violating? Because the order is in ca and he's in Oregon?
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post #57 of 151
8/1/10 at 10:47pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post
The agreement says he gets the kids from 7/70 until 8/8 at 6 pm with him picking up & dropping off at my local police station. Nothing about logistics of in or out of state. I know the eow have to be in my town. But with the breaks he was able to take them where lived. What do I do? Take my agreement to the police station? Still haven't heard from my lawyer. If there is nothing specific about leaving the state how do I know if he is violating? Because the order is in ca and he's in Oregon?
Given your history with him and the fact that he didn't inform you or get permission to leave the state I would get the police involved. He is not supposed to be taking them out of state, I would wait until talking to your lawyer if you feel unsure but as I said, given the history I would pursue it with the police. I am sorry momma.
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post #58 of 151
8/1/10 at 11:49pm
Thread Starter 
I found our custody agreement, or rather disagreement, and it says eow in my town and spring break in his town. We wrote a separate agreeement for the summer and it just names the week, nothing about out of state though. I guess I'll call the cops and see what they say. Nothing from my lawyer. This sucks, but maybe he will finally get in some trouble for the insane things he does.
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post #59 of 151
8/2/10 at 12:00am
I truly hope you are worried for no good reason! I'm hoping for you!
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post #60 of 151
8/2/10 at 12:23am
I don't know what to say but I am wishing your kids the warmest of wishes and big HUGS to you.
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