FREAKED out....the va jay jay is mentioned - Page 2

[ellemenope]

Originally Posted by fairejour

My daughter stood up in bath one day and showed me her "pocket" and made a toy disappear in her labia. Totally normal.

DD has called it her pocket as well. She likes to stick food in her "pocket".

We have been trying really hard to keep her underwear on...

[sapphire_chan]

Well, my dd plays with herself with her fingers all the time. She's also tried putting cat food down there. She's 22 months and I'd bet an older kid would know even more about their own body.

Unless your dd starts talking about other people putting stuff in her vagina or starts talking about it hurting without a yeast infection, or you have some other major reason for suspecting someone has hurt your child, I wouldn't worry about sexual abuse at all.

[savithny]

And if you ever have serious worries about something your child says -- be VERY careful about how you ask questions to clarify. If you ask a little kid leading questions once you suspect abuse, you may create a situation wherein it is impossible or difficult to prosecute because the hcild has been "coached" in their answers, KWIM?

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by butterfly_mommy

I don't find your DD actions alarming at all but I do find yours a bit alarming.

This was also my thought.

I've noticed a couple parents on here have posted that their kids wouldn't have done that. Some kids are slower to explore, but this sounds totally normal...even inserting things into the actual v a g i n a (spaces inserted only to avoid this popping up on google searches) and not just between the l a b i a. My kids are no longer toddlers, but I saw this and had to post because I want to add my voice to the chorus of folks assuring you this is normal exploration.

I am wondering if there is some other reason your mind shot straight to molestation? I am wondering f you have been worried about or having a gut feeling about anything else going on? Do you have concerns you didn't mention in your post? If not, I'd say this reaction is way over the top, and it might be a good idea to do some self-exploration as to what is causing you to feel this way. Afterall...

Originally Posted by tbone_kneegrabber

She stuck it in her ear no problem, what the difference between an ear and a butt or a v u l v a anyway? Just different areas.

Originally Posted by InMediasRes

And I agree with PP - you should consider teaching her the names of her parts and talking calmly about it with her. The more emotion you load into it, and the more you make it a scary/shameful thing to talk about, the less likely she is to bring it up with if (Heaven forbid) something did actually happen.

Agreed. There is no reason a two year old shouldn't know that they have a v u l v a (and v a g i n a), not just a butt. They can be told which is which, and it is healthy for them to know the actual terms.

Depending on your own background, your daughter's exploring may continue to bring up discomfort for you, so if you expect to have the same internal reaction again to other incidents in the future, I'd do some mental rehearsal/practice of a calmer external reaction for your daughter to witness.

[Turquesa]

Originally Posted by Sierra

I am wondering if there is some other reason your mind shot straight to molestation? I am wondering f you have been worried about or having a gut feeling about anything else going on? Do you have concerns you didn't mention in your post?

I was just about to post this. Is there somebody specific in your DD's life that gives you a "bad feeling?" Has she shown any other unusual behaviors or said anything unusual? Just from this incident alone, her knowledge about her body doesn't seem precocious for her age.

Also, you don't have to reveal anything in this thread, but if you yourself have a history of abuse (or are close to somebody who does), it could definitely have an impact on your parenting. Therapy and healing would be optimal in that case.

[laughymama]

I'm on the "It sounds normal." boat.

DS frequently tries to see if his penis will fit into certain things.

The little girl I babysit is 2.5. You have to watch her pretty carefully if she's having diaper free time because she's always trying to put toys and objects into her vulva or vagina.

It's there, it's interesting and they're learning about their bodies and exploring. I don't see anything in your original post that would alarm me if it were my child.

I definitely agree with PPs about using the correct terms for her vagina, vulva/labia etc. It's really important she be comfortable with her body and know the names for everything. It's especially important she be able to clearly explain to someone if she were to ever be inappropriately touched and molested.

[StrongBeliever]

Well, there is part of me that thinks a little girl of that age exploring her body is perfectly normal. I have a DD, almost three, who has never been shy of getting to know her vagina. I have sisters and good friends with daughters around the same age, and it's the same story. But... And this hinges on whether by "va jay jay" you mean vulva or vagina... I think the actual penetration part seems off. I just don't see a VERY young girl going to the extent to put something all the way inside of her vagina. I may be wrong but I think that the discomfort would put a stop to that. That seems like it would be the distinction for me as to whether or not I would investigate molestation. I would want to ask questions, but be very careful of how they were asked and be very sensitive to the ability of a child that age to answer clearly. I might try with... "Where/how did you learn that?" I don't think it is a leading question and the answer should be very black and white. Either "I found out myself" or "I saw it on such and such" or "so and so showed me". Maybe "How long have you known that?" or "Why do you do that?" It might turn out that a very simple question that doesn't imply anything will open your DD up to talk openly about the situation. I'd hate to ask a question that implies something wrong or someone else is involved, even if only slightly, if it's just normal kid stuff.

I agree with others that it's important to have a calm and controlled response to such things. If there is an abuse issue, you don't want them to be ashamed or afraid to talk to you about it. If there is no abuse issue, you don't want your child to be embarrassed by their normal and healthy reactions to their body. And then there is the whole thing of them doing a certain thing just to get a response out of you.

In my home we also use non-scientific names for body parts. I understand that's a tough part of some of our up-bringings to overcome. But we do use the proper terminology occasionally, if not all the time. It is important for them to know.

I hope that your worries are ungrounded. Good luck.

[elf]

update...

Wow. Thank you for all your responses. Except for a few posts, the overall message from you experienced moms seems to be not to worry at all, this is completely normal.

After reading some of the posts, I almost feel like I have to defend myself. Just to clarify for those of you that might be worried....we don't use the word va jay jay. We used the term vagina but DD still uses the all encompassing term, "butt" to refer to that general area. Sorry for the confusion.

She just turned 2 but is pretty much only wearing big girl underwear per her idea as of this week. Which in hindsight, the timing of this now makes complete sense.

Yes absolutely my reaction was COMPLETELY poor and probably made the situation worse in the long run. However you have to understand that I was not ready for this. My dd has never been interested in touching herself, hands in the diaper, talking or asking questions about anything in her diaper etc. She has completely ignored that area. So to look over and see a foam letter sticking halfway out of her vaginal opening and her in the process of sticking it in further--I freaked. I work in women's health and I am full aware that this could very much cause some damage.

I don't really think she has been molested and I don't have any reason to be suspicious. I just haven't had any experience with this sort of thing. It seems like just 2 weeks ago my firstborn was a little tiny baby still, wearing diapers etc. Now she is sticking things into her vaginal opening saying, "mommy it fits in here". This shocked me and yes a part of me wondered, how did she all of a sudden know that a. there was a hole there and b. that things can go into it. I went into full mamma protection mode.

So lesson learned: from this point on, be ready for anything this little girl is going to throw at me. Don't freak. Take a breath and answer calmly. Then leave the room and say OH MY GOD.

Thank you for all the support.

[~savah~]

I am glad you are feeling better now. Being a parent is such a series of surprises. May I make a suggestion? I would use this opportunity to talk to your daughter about her private places and what is appropriate touch and not. I really feel like talking about these things at a young age is important and since your DD has already been "exploring" it seems like she is ready.

[sapphire_chan]

I'm glad you're feeling calmer now! It must've been scary there for a bit. I think we've all been there with : about totally normal things.

[eclipse]

I'm glad you're feeling better about it. I want to add my voice to the chorus of "completely normal." I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and I think I'm a bit hypervigilant about things like that - but even for me, that really wouldn't concern me in the absence of other red flags. It's just like if she had hid it in her underarm or mouth or something.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

It is pretty common for little girls to stick stuff in there. I know I have heard many stories of a little girl with an infection of the vagina and the Dr. discovers foreign objects inside much like some kids stick stuff up their nose or in their ears. Just one of those things.

[Sierra]

Originally Posted by StrongBeliever

I think the actual penetration part seems off. I just don't see a VERY young girl going to the extent to put something all the way inside of her vagina. I may be wrong but I think that the discomfort would put a stop to that.

Not all kids would find it uncomfortable to insert something small and soft, particularly foam. I am guessing level of comfort or discomfort depends on a great number of factors related to anatomy of the individual. As a woman married to another woman, I find it very interesting how differently my dw and I have experienced our own female bits in our lives .

OP, thanks for the update. I do understand how these things take us all of guard, as parents. I am glad you were able to sort it out.