Sleep deprived mama with 3 yr old...any advice?

[audeesmom]

I could really use some advice right now for our night time parenting as i am at the end of my rope and so sleep deprived that i can't even remember what I have read in the past and I would like to ease and do this as gentle as possible but i find my patience is at an all time low.

So here's the back ground...and I am sorry if it is long but all the details might help...

My almost 3 1/2 year old Ds has never slept throught the night. I co slept for the last 3 1/4 years in his bed on a full mattress. We bought him his new very cool big boy bed 4 weeks ago which he loves and when mad hates. He goes to sleep around 7:30 but stalls miserably most nights until 8:30 or 9 ...drink of water, new diaper, another kiss another hug. Then wakes around 11 or 12 at night and freaks out screaming and kicking at me and crying. I am unable to sooth him for approx. 10 minutes and then get him back to sleep for about 10 minutes at a time. Then I am screamed at to come in again. This can go on for 3 or 4 times where i finally give up and bring him into our bed where he sleeps the rest of the night but restlessly and almost on top of me and wakes around 7am.

When he kicks me or screams at me I calmly say I won't be treated this way and walk out of the room for 20 or so seconds and repeat this until he is respectful.

So I think what it is-he is unable to sleep without me beside him and he is not attached to any stuffed lovies. But i am now 5 mths prego (and have not had a good night sleep in 6 years as it started with my DD but somehow she managed to sleep through the night when DS was born.) DH is away travelling most of the time and home for 2 or 3 nights at a time so this has to be on my own. Also with the big transitions coming I am hoping to have him sleeping on his own in plently of time before baby arrives.

I am not sure if this is a bigger issue with my whole parenting style as he doesn't listen too well in the day time either.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Xerxella]

Honestly, this is kinda a parenting thing. And, it's not about listening, it's about consistency. You said it yourself. If he keeps it up long enough, he can come into bed with you.

You (and son) need serious consistency. Set up a routine for bedtime and the middle of the night and stick with it. At bedtime, there's a kiss, a hug and then we're done. Or whatever. There's no more one more..... whatever. I'm not saying this will be easy. I think the Secret of Parenting book may help you. But, whatever you do, you're going to have to start setting up some consistency and stick with it.

As far as the middle of the night. It sounds more like a night terror (unless he screams and kicks at you in the middle of the day, too.) My son's done a few of these, too. He's flailing around, screaming and it's like he's not even aware he's doing it. If he doesn't respond to my touch, I just give him some space til he calms down. In a true night terror, the child isn't even awake and actually has no memory of the incident. If this is it, you may actually be waking him up. If you think this is it, next time it happens, just calmly go into his room and don't touch him and say, "Shhh, shhh, mommy's here." Just once and then sit by the bed. If you get no response out of him, he's probably asleep. I'd just wait out the screaming. If he's awake and needs you, he'll come to you or call out for you directly.

If it's not a night terror, you could try sleeping in his room in the middle of the night when these things happen. Try the "long goodbye." This is where you slowly move farther and farther away from the bed until you're always right on the other side of the door.

Good luck