She gave dd formula:(

[waiting2bemommy]

I know this is probably a huge overreaction, which is why I'm venting here instead of IRL, but I'm so sad....

Yesterday my mom gave my dd formula for the first time while babysitting her.

Admittedly I hadn't pumped enough, BUT there was some rice milk in there and I had told her to stretch the bm with a little rice milk to make a full bottle. DD hates the bottle anyway, so most of the time my milk just gets poured down the drain after the first ounce or so. I only work 3-4 days a week, I work 5 minutes from my house, and I wait tables, in the evenings/overnights only, so most of the time I'm not at work for more than 5 hours anyway. So I don't see there being a nutritional need for formula if we are only taling a few ounces a week. I just don't want to start down that path especially since I am struggling with depression and breastfeeeding means I HAVE to keep dd with me all the time and that is a good thing in my situation. It keeps me from running off and neglecting my family when I'm having a rough day.

There are lots of issues with my mom but she is the only sitter I have right now. I am 90% sure the whole thing was premeditated since she was only about a 2 minute drive from my house when she went and bought formula (amd she bought Earth's Best soy, which means she had to go LOOKING for it since most places don't carry that). She claims that she didn't have time to go home and get the bottle of pumped milk. But she had time to walk through a department store with a screaming baby, find the formula, find distilled water, find a bottle, pay for it all, and then mix it up in the car?

I know that one bottle is not the end of the world and that dd isn't destined for a lifetime of suffering or anything. In the big picture, I guess it's not that serious. But it's always been a point of pride for me that my kids had never had formula, solely due to my dogged efforts to give them only my milk even when it was extremely hard. So...it just bugs me, is all.

I'm halfway hoping dd has a really nasty poop or something so i'll have a legitimate reason to say "don't ever feed my child that again."

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

I'm halfway hoping dd has a really nasty poop or something so i'll have a legitimate reason to say "don't ever feed my child that again."

You have a legitimate reason without that. You're the mom.

I'd be quite POd at my mom if she did that. Yes, sounds deliberate. She could have also called you... "hey, she's out of milk, what do you want me to do?" All of those made more sense than what she did.

[nextcommercial]

It sounds to me like you are upset for the right reasons.

I know your mom's heart was in the right place though. She probably thought that since the baby hates bottles, that maybe she would like it better if it was formula. Maybe Grandma would rescue the situation with a magic cure. Maybe the baby would be happy the rest of the night, and everybody would get a good night's sleep.

She also bought earth's best... so, clearly she was trying to do what she thought would be the best thing. I bet that stuff is more expensive too!

Obviously, Grandma loves her grandbabies. She just wanted to do a good thing.

I'd just try to make sure you always have enough pumped milk next time. Maybe stretch it yourself with rice milk before your mom has a chance to take things into her own hands. Gently tell her to use breast milk only unless it's an ABSOLUTE emergency. Just explain to her what you said.

But it's always been a point of pride for me that my kids had never had formula, solely due to my dogged efforts to give them only my milk even when it was extremely hard.

She wants you and your kids to be happy. But, you just need to explain it to her in a way that makes her understand. Otherwise, she's just going to be thinking "You kids had formula and you did just fine". "You kids didn't have carseats and you did fine" "You drank from the hose..." "I fed you pizza when you were six days old...". (facts get fuzzy after age 40)

[laohaire]

Oh, I remember you/your mom now. Your mother is extremely toxic, I'm sorry to say. I'm a total stranger but I have no doubt it was 110% deliberate. She has been deliberately undermining you your whole life. I hope you successfully get away from your mother soon.

[VillageMom6]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

I just don't want to start down that path especially since I am struggling with depression and breastfeeeding means I HAVE to keep dd with me all the time and that is a good thing in my situation.

I am so impressed that you have come to that realization. You are wise beyond your years and your experience.

I suffered from PPD with my last baby and I thought that it was best handled by distancing myself from him whenever I could. After all, worrying about his care made me anxious, so the more he was cared for by others, the less anxiety I would have, right?

Wrong! Sadly circumstances (another child in the hospital) led to us weaning at age eight weeks.

With this upcoming baby I am determined to handle PPD completely differently. I intend to keep baby close to me. If I'm feeling anxious, the solution is more baby, not less.

I totally understand why you're upset and yet you are rational enough to know that it won't ultimately be a harmful thing for baby to have one bottle of formula.

You are doing amazingly well! I feel certain that everything will work out wonderfully for you and your little ones. You inspire me!

[philomom]

Yes, I'd be mad. I'd also do everything in my power to find someone else to keep your dd. Clearly, your mother knows no bounds.

[lifeguard]

I'd be PISSED big time! I think you need to very clearly (write it down if need be) tell her what an emergency is. I'd also confiscate what is left of the formula 'cause leaving it with her is just asking for her to do it again without asking.

[Artichokie]

I would be out of my mind furious. I am so sorry.

[RhianaW14]

Hugs!!
My mother in law insisted the my son needed a pacifier, but he never used them. We left the kids w/ her for a few hours to go out to eat and a movie and she had had her neighbor run to the store to get him pacifiers!! I had to laugh when she said he didn't take it. Well, duh, I told you that! Now she knows better. I just don't let her babysit when they are babies. lol

How did she know to use soy and not milk based? That stuff is also hard to find. At least here it is. Most stores don't carry organic formula here.

[SarahDC]

Originally Posted by Artichokie

I would be out of my mind furious. I am so sorry.

Me too. I would go bananas on my mother if she pulled this. You are your baby's mama, so YOU decide what she eats!

[eclipse]

While in this case, it seems like she sort of went out of her way to feed formula instead of breastmilk (because you don't leave home with a baby without their milk, and it sounds like you had bm at home for her?), and while you mom is a toxic person (from other posts I've read from you) - I just want to point out that rice milk is not a good substitute for breastmilk, even in small amounts. I think it's better for your dd to have formula supplementation if they run out of milk than rice milk, right?

[PGTlatte]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

Admittedly I hadn't pumped enough, BUT there was some rice milk in there and I had told her to stretch the bm with a little rice milk to make a full bottle.

I realize the situation is more complicated than this and it does seem as though she perhaps was looking for an occasion to feed formula, and I would be ticked about that too. But as an aside, I would not recommend stretching expressed breastmilk for an infant with rice milk any more than I would recommend stretching it with water. The expressed milk becomes nutritionally diluted. Honestly when there is not enough expressed milk and the child is under one I do think the difference should be made up with formula.

[angelachristin]

if it was me I'd be beyond insane beside myself out of my mind furious. And I'd be even more furious that it was soy, which I avoid like the plague for my kids and myself.

[Drummer's Wife]

I'm sorry you are upset, but I do agree that formula, probably even the soy version she bought, is better than supplementing with rice milk. I know you don't want your babies to have any formula, but really, using even a small amount of rice milk is the same thing (except less nutritious).

Not knowing how toxic your mom is (just read the pp mentioned it), I would wonder I she truly was trying to do what she thought was best at the time. Did she know how long it would be until you were off work and could nurse the baby?

[crystal_buffaloe]

Originally Posted by lifeguard

I'd also confiscate what is left of the formula 'cause leaving it with her is just asking for her to do it again without asking.

You sound much calmer about this than I would be.

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

She claims that she didn't have time to go home and get the bottle of pumped milk.

Holy mother of god, I would be angry.

[waiting2bemommy]

so...update....I confronted her, gently, about whether it really was logical to go buy formula when she was less than 5 minutes from the house...she changed her story, and ds comfirmed it, that she ALREADY had the formula before she even came to my house. All she had to do was mix it up and feed to dd. She said she had bought it on her way to babysit "just in case." So basically she had planned to give it to dd whether or not I pumped enough.

it's neither here nor there now, but dd had horrible gas and a hard tummy all day yesterday and took a really nasty poop that was much darker and thicker than anything i've ever seen come out of her. Her farts stunk horribly too. That was the main reason I've been using rice milk, because even though there's no nutritional value, it is super easy to digest, and according to my 2 yo taste-tester, lol, it tastes like breastmilk and I don't think a few ounces a week are going to stunt her development.

It is really, really hard for me to pump right now, but knowing that dd can't live off rice milk, having it in the house doesn't leave open the temptation for me to go off and say "just give her a bottle" whereas having formula in the house would lead to exactly that.

[goldenwillow]

Originally Posted by laohaire

Oh, I remember you/your mom now. Your mother is extremely toxic, I'm sorry to say. I'm a total stranger but I have no doubt it was 110% deliberate. She has been deliberately undermining you your whole life. I hope you successfully get away from your mother soon.

Sorry, but I completely agree. This is your child, not hers.

[lynsage]

Originally Posted by laohaire

You have a legitimate reason without that. You're the mom.

[smpayne]

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

It is really, really hard for me to pump right now, but knowing that dd can't live off rice milk, having it in the house doesn't leave open the temptation for me to go off and say "just give her a bottle" whereas having formula in the house would lead to exactly that.

I am truely inspired at your efforts to combat your PPD.

Maybe it is time to call in some reinforcements. Do you have a LLL (or other pro bf moms group) in your area? Maybe some of those moms would be willing to "educate" your mom, sometimes having an outsider back you up will do more to enforce your view point and ANYTHING you could do or say, and at the same time give you some face to face encouragement.

[EarthMamaToBe]

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife

I'm sorry you are upset, but I do agree that formula, probably even the soy version she bought, is better than supplementing with rice milk. I know you don't want your babies to have any formula, but really, using even a small amount of rice milk is the same thing (except less nutritious).

Not knowing how toxic your mom is (just read the pp mentioned it), I would wonder I she truly was trying to do what she thought was best at the time. Did she know how long it would be until you were off work and could nurse the baby?

I agree with this post

Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy

so...update....I confronted her, gently, about whether it really was logical to go buy formula when she was less than 5 minutes from the house...she changed her story, and ds comfirmed it, that she ALREADY had the formula before she even came to my house. All she had to do was mix it up and feed to dd. She said she had bought it on her way to babysit "just in case." So basically she had planned to give it to dd whether or not I pumped enough.

it's neither here nor there now, but dd had horrible gas and a hard tummy all day yesterday and took a really nasty poop that was much darker and thicker than anything i've ever seen come out of her. Her farts stunk horribly too. That was the main reason I've been using rice milk, because even though there's no nutritional value, it is super easy to digest, and according to my 2 yo taste-tester, lol, it tastes like breastmilk and I don't think a few ounces a week are going to stunt her development.

It is really, really hard for me to pump right now, but knowing that dd can't live off rice milk, having it in the house doesn't leave open the temptation for me to go off and say "just give her a bottle" whereas having formula in the house would lead to exactly that.

I don't get why having it is a temptation for you? DS is EBF but I would give him formula before I would give him rice milk to "fill out" a bottle. Formula at least has the nutrients he needs.