What OT wants for DS is really 'wrong' for me...

[confustication]

I thrive on routine. I need order. I need predictability, quiet, peace... It took me until I was nearly 30 to realize that the best way for me to care for myself was to create the environment I needed at home, so I always had a refuge.

DS's OT wants us to create more stimulation at home for him. Visually 'busy' decorations, lots of bright lights and lively music. She wants us to steer away from a lot of routine, and wants him to have to experience an unpredictable day to day lifestyle.

I understand the reasoning, but it's really hard for me. *grumble* It is counter to all the things I have found safety and security in for myself.

[Village Mama]

Oh my goodness! I can really relate to what you are saying here. These are the types of things that just make me think that some of the therapies are just a little off base! I personally think that our home IS our safe haven. If I was going to push boundaries to help my child get used to more stimulation, I would do it outside of the home... home is the safe place to come back to. I have two boys on the spectrum ( likely both of us parents are somewhere on there too) and there is no way that I would make myself crazy in my own home. Personally I think that creating your own safe spaces is a huge self regulating skill and that is what we are trying to help our kids find for themselves and within themselves. I guess that I am running on the assumption here that your child prefers less stimulation ( and not that he is sensory seeking and needs it to regulate.... then it is another story!) Lots and lots of adults prefer a certain type of home environment ( my brother prefers dimly lit, no fans overhead or flourescent lighting for example). I find it weird to " train" our kids out of these behaviors. It isn't a problem if I want soft music, a newspaper and a predictable morning routine ( it isn't harming anyone) and would be really bizzare if someone suggested that I start my morning with some death metal and disco lighting ( lol, overboard I know) so that I could get used to it and stop relying on my routine so much. What I do ( so that my kids are challanged despite my own preferences) is to slowly expand my own comfort zone outside of the home with the kids. More impromptu trips out in the day, new experiences and people.

[Thalia the Muse]

The music and bright colors are one thing and could conceivably make a lot of sense, but really, she thinks it would be better to have a chaotic, unpredictable lifestyle for your kid? I mean, you can work a lot of stimulation into your life without making it impossible to know what to expect from your day. I can't see how that would be good for anyone!

[ASusan]

Is the goal of the non-schedule to get your child able to deal with the unpredictable? Could you achieve this with a schedule that has unpredictability built in? Like at snack time, you serve a different snack each day? For bedtime stories, have DC reach into a box and pull out a story (w/o looking at it first).

Maybe graduate to an afternoon of openness with nothing scheduled?

But to just toss a schedule (that works and makes people feel comfortable) out the window seems a out there.

[dakotablue]

What is her reasoning? OK I can understand having a room of brightness loudness, but your child needs to be able to escape from being over stimulated...Isn't that a more important skill? I personally would think that you would have to have some predictability to your unpredictably like we do something you don't expect in the afternoons. Life is really not all that unpredictable and I would just draw into myself if my safe haven and world became that way.

[confustication]

He is really low arousal, and needs the stimulation to bring him up- in her opinion. She feels like his comfort in the routines is allowing him to become really lethargic, and of course my house (increasingly, I realize that I am pretty sensory avoidant myself.. ) is really set up to be a nice calm quiet place. I have always been one of those 'indoor voices' kind of moms. My kids are free to be boisterous and bouncy and overwhelming- in appropriate settings. I just can't handle it in my living room or on a constant basis.

I don't know that what she wants is out of line completely, but, it's a huge challenge for me to step outside of MY comfort zone.

Sadly, we are not in an area with tons of 'outings'. We live in a town of about 400 people- 4 hours from the nearest city of about 100,000. We do a lot of outside exploration, but beyond that, our options are limited, and summers here are brutally hot, while winters are freezing cold. A lot of 'stuff to do' has to be inside stuff.

[wondermama]

Personally, I would get a second opinion (and this may be simply your own KNOWING of what is right for you, your child, and your home). This sounds so counter to everything I know about what children/mamas need in their home environment -- I would SERIOUSLY question whether this is the right path. Really. Especially since making these changes in the home would stress you out, and likely cause you to feel unsettled and ill-at-ease, which I cannot imagine while do your ds any good at all. Yikes -- I would NOT be able to handle bright lights, visual loudness, and a stressful routine, and I cannot imagine how this would be good for a kid.

[CarrieMF]

I could see having 1 sensory room in the house that has the bright colours, he can play music, bounce around, etc.

I don't see how getting rid of routine & having unpredictable days is going to make him not be lethargic.

[sncmom]

As with any parenting decisions, I think the whole family has to be taken into consideration. A stressed-out miserable mom does not help your DS. I like the idea of one room that is for stimulus. Maybe you could incorporate your other LOs into the stimulus routine. I know my DD1 is absolutely the best possible entertainment and motivation for DD2. Not every professional is always right. Trust yourself and your instincts and try to take the OTs advice with a grain of salt. They, after all, don't have to live with the day-to-day consequences of that advice.
Good luck!

[2boyzmama]

I see what she is getting at, but learning to live in harmony in a family with different needs is very important. You are a sensory avoider, so your family needs to learn how to enable you to do your job within the family while taking into account your needs. So if the kitchen is your area (you are in charge of most meals, dishes, grocery shopping, organizing, etc) then that room should be to your preferences. Does that make sense?

If he has his own room, and if (eventually) he will be in charge of the majority of its upkeep, then the rules could be different for that area. Perhaps more activity, disorganization, noise, etc is appropriate.

If the living room is a shared space, then you need to find a way to equalize it. You prefer quite, he needs stimulation. Maybe there's a happy medium you can find for common living areas. Ask the therapist for suggestions. Your needs are just as important as your son's, and finding that balance is part of the therapist's job.

[KCMichigan]

Originally Posted by s+cmom

As with any parenting decisions, I think the whole family has to be taken into consideration. A stressed-out miserable mom does not help your DS. I like the idea of one room that is for stimulus. Maybe you could incorporate your other LOs into the stimulus routine. I know my DD1 is absolutely the best possible entertainment and motivation for DD2. Not every professional is always right. Trust yourself and your instincts and try to take the OTs advice with a grain of salt. They, after all, don't have to live with the day-to-day consequences of that advice.
Good luck!

I agree with this.

We have a DD w/ SPD and have a 'sensory room' with her trampoline, hanging swing, colorful floor mats, music player, etc....

She has hyper arousal, with associated fatigue/overloaded system (she shuts down w/ a lot of stimulation since she can not filter it....she HEARS and feels every sound and movement). So we set up a room to help her build a longer tolerance, the rest of our house is fairly quiet, calm, soothing (I need it that way too) and routine.

She THRIVES on routine. Our daily schedule is the same---many many kids of all kinds need routine to feel 'safe' and predicatable. I am not saying that you have to do the same thing everyday---but a set bed/wake/ eat cycle is healthy for adults and kids alike.

I would think that the OT would like you do 'more' activities that are unpredicatable, but that does not mean chaos. Try going to louder places, playing music, opening the windows, moving around toys in his room (visually stimulating), have different foods for eating (breakfast for dinner, etc), use brightly colored plates/silverware, do a lot of physical body contact or activity games.

I would ask for some clarification on how to mesh her goals and your lifestyle.