Can't stop crying -- getting rid of dog

[crunchy_mommy]

I've been bawling all day.

This decision has been over a year in the making. The dog has nipped at DS several times & we just don't trust him anymore. He's not a violent, aggressive dog, but he is defensive around DS, it seems babies bring out the worst in him. We've spent the last year constantly vigilant, constantly keeping DS and the dog separate, and it's just too much, I can't keep living in constant fear that I'll turn around at the wrong moment, I did that long enough in other situations.

This dog was my baby, before DS was born he went EVERYWHERE with me. I love him so much. But I just can't meet his needs anymore. I have a chronic illness & a very high-needs DS. I can't take him for daily walks & I can't spend time training him (don't think I'd trust him even if I could). DH & I are incredibly stressed out just with life in general and there is just nothing left to give this dog. He has to stay outside or locked in a separate room all day long, and he hates it. He's gotten really depressed and acts out more because of it.

I've failed him. I feel like it's so irresponsible of me to just give up on him but I can't do it anymore.

We're taking him to a no-kill shelter. They seemed confident that they could find a childless home for him. He's a small, hypoallergenic breed which seems to be in high demand around here. I'm going to bring his food and toys and leave some money to help with the costs. We're lucky they have an opening for him, often there's a long wait list from what I hear.

I have less than 2 whole days left with him. I keep picturing him caged up and miserable. This dog has never even been in a kennel. I can't imagine what this will do to him, but I can't imagine keeping him any longer. I know in my heart that this is what's best for him & our family. I've prayed about it and talked about it endlessly with DH. We need to do this. BUT WHY IS IT SO HARD?

Any advice? Anyone else ever have to give up a dog? Anything you did to make it easier? Is there anything you thought of after you gave him up, like, "Oh I should've done ____"?

I feel like the worst dog-mom in the world.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

We've spent the last year constantly vigilant, constantly keeping DS and the dog separate, and it's just too much, I can't keep living in constant fear that I'll turn around at the wrong moment, I did that long enough in other situations.

Living with this level of stress must be awful. I am an animal lover but humans come first. Devoting that much time in keeping your dog from biting your child means humans in the family are missing out positive energy and attention.

It sounds like you went many, many extra miles for your dog. Try to put those images out of your head. Everyone I know that works/volunteers for the no-kill shelters in my area are so into playing with the dogs and making sure they get attention.

I feel the post-child pet relationship change is one of those dirty little secrets that people don't like to talk about or admit that yes, their relationship with their pets did change post-child. Sometimes there just isn't enough time/energy to solve animal problems. Some animal problems are too big for the average family to deal with.

[crunchy_mommy]

Thanks, I am so sad over this but I cannot take the stress anymore. I'm trying to look on the bright side -- I won't have to pick up poop & we can play in the front yard... DS can wander around the house/yard more freely... we can sleep in without the dog waking us and DS's naps won't be interrupted by barking at the mailman... but I just keep returning to that horrible image of leaving him in a cage. I know I'm going to be a wreck when I drop him off. I worry about DS too because when we came back from vacation & the dog was still staying with my parents, he walked all around the house sad & crying because he couldn't find the dog. I know he's going to miss him too. I wish I could give up constantly nursing DS for just one night so I could cuddle up with my dog & sleep beside him one last time.

[Caneel]

All positive things to look forward to.

Not to sound too callous but I wouldn't worry too much about your DS. Based on stories I have heard from friends faced with the loss of a pet, they all reported that after the first round of tears, the (little) kids seemed to get over it very quickly.

[limabean]

I'm so sorry. Losing a pet, for whatever reason, can be a devastating loss for a family.

[Arduinna]

I'm so sorry.

[DivineMrsM]

I just surrendered my 2 cats a week ago today. I thought I had emotionally detached from them years ago, but it turns out that I didn't. It was really hard bringing them there. One was 11yrs and the other is 6yrs. I called yesterday and they ended up putting the 11yo down a few days after I brought her in.

I'm so sorry. I am going thru the same feelings regarding my one cat being stuck in a cage. It's awful. I'm sorry you have to go thru this as well.

[Penelope]

I'm sorry. I had to give up a dog once, due to someone else's illness (not an allergy - an illness that prevented us from caring for the dog anymore.) It was really heartbreaking, but a no-kill shelter will strive to re-home him.

This choice is better than your current situation.

[NiteNicole]

I have a small dog who was seven when I got pregnant with my daughter. I did SO much work before hand to make sure he was baby-ready and there is probably a fair amount of luck in that he just does not have a dominant temperament or jealous personality. It was a huge worry for me while I was pregnant.

The only thing I can suggest is contacting a breed rescue or alerting them to the placement. They usually foster pets in homes, so at least you won't have to worry about the kennel environment. If you're willing to drop off some money and supplies, that might move you a little higher on the list for a breed rescue. You can always check petfinder for your particular breed in your area and see who rescues them, then contact them.

Good luck.

[crunchy_mommy]

Thanks guys, it's hard to really believe I'm doing the right thing when it hurts so badly... He's mixed breed so I don't think a breed rescue would take him but the shelter did say they usually have good luck with placing dogs so I'm trying to be optimistic. I never thought I'd be in this position -- it was the cat I was worried about when I got pregnant, the dog had always been well-train & good with small kids (though never had been around babies/toddlers)... I actually scoffed at the people on some news segment that were giving up their dogs due to babies in the home (I really need to learn to be less judgemental). I guess I just need to cry & shower the dog with love over the next day or two... maybe take some final pictures of him to remember him by... I hope he ends up in a good home where someone can truly meet his needs.

[New_Natural_Mom]

Do not fret! We re-homed our 2 poms this January after 7 years. Our DS was 1.5 and it was just too stressful that something would happen. I too didn't have enough to give FT job, DH, DS, doctoral program....and 2 dogs. Something had to give and they just weren't getting their needs met. Plus DS accidentally fell on one of the dogs and dislocated her hip - big drama! We almost had to put her down.

But, through all the heartache and worry, they are both FANTASTICALLY happy. One lives on a horse farm and the other lives with a family that boards horses at that farm so they still see each other weekly. They have adapted fabulously. I thought they would be lost without us, but happily, they never looked back. We found the homes through our vet.

Good luck. I know how hard it is, but to be honest, I don't miss them at all - and they were my BABIES before my baby. I don't miss the messes on the carpet, barking, let in let out/let in let out, stress something would happen, etc. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders and we are a much happier household. I do not regret the decision at all.

[Katie T]

Hugs to you, that has to be so hard. Beings that he is a small hypoallergenic dog I doubt he will stay long at all and make someone else (and him) very happy.

We had to get rid of our cat. She had issues and would pee on our bed, we took her to the vet, tried meds, special food, relitter training her and it continued so I gave her to the vet to rehome. I was always so sad about it but then one day out of nowhere I found the family who took her and she has no issues for them and they love and spoil her. It made me feel so much better because I was no longer enjoying her and she found a family who loved her and made her life better.

I know it is hard. I was wishing (before finding the family so I knew what happened to Kenna) that I would have had them call me if no family was found so I could try to rehome her so I don't know if that is a possibility so at least you know your beloved pet is in a good home.

It will get better, the days leading up to taking my cat in were very emotional and I too felt horrible but it was better, almost a relief when she was gone and then a complete relief to know she was in a loving home.

My thoughts are with you, but I think you are doing the right thing.

[Peony]

I did the same thing last fall, rehomed my first "baby" due to him biting DD2. It was hard, so very, very hard. I cried days before it happened, afterwards everytime I would see something of his, it would start again. It does get better. I still miss him, my 3y still asks about him once in a while, she still draws him in her family pictures, but the children recovered much quicker then I did. .

[crunchy_mommy]

Today is the day.

DH & I were hysterically bawling all night last night (I've never seen DH cry except when his grandfather died).

I don't want to do this.

I can't believe we failed our dog.

My heart is aching. I feel like a part of me died.

[Rani]

You didn't fail your dog. It just is not working anymore. I have had to have an animal put down for similar reasons. Neither your family nor your dog are happy. It would be a far worse thing to continue on until something bad happens and the dog is put down because he became violent. This way he can have a new home with a family rather than be miserable.

You are doing the best thing.

[crunchy_mommy]

Thank you.

Originally Posted by Rani

It would be a far worse thing to continue on until something bad happens and the dog is put down because he became violent.

This is what I keep telling myself... If this continues, I fear he'll become more violent & aggressive, and then bet put down, and at least this way he has a CHANCE at a happy life.

I just wish his 'happy life' could be with us. And that he wouldn't have to spend time in the shelter. And that I could've done more.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Thank you.



This is what I keep telling myself... If this continues, I fear he'll become more violent & aggressive, and then bet put down, and at least this way he has a CHANCE at a happy life.

I just wish his 'happy life' could be with us. And that he wouldn't have to spend time in the shelter. And that I could've done more.

Oh but honey, doing more might not have equaled a better outcome. You have gone above and beyond.

A close friend of mine had a similar situation where the dog (truly their first "baby") required constant, constant, constant, very strong work and handling. They hired professional trainers, did all the "right" things, etc.

It got to the point where they were always two steps behind the dog to make sure she didn't act out. When they had to turn their attention to their human children, the dog was placed in the (large) laundry room where she had major seperation issues, defecating on the floor, being distructive and so on. This went on for two years until they finally put the dog down.

She admits that it got to a point were she started to hate the dog and that made her very sad.

After the fact, they could see just how much negative energy was being devoted to trying to change a dog that truly would have been happier in a non-kid household, a home where someone could focus all their love and attention on the dog.

I hope your sadness lessens very soon.

[blizzard_babe]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy

Today is the day.

DH & I were hysterically bawling all night last night (I've never seen DH cry except when his grandfather died).

I don't want to do this.

I can't believe we failed our dog.

My heart is aching. I feel like a part of me died.

Oh, mama, I'm so sorry. I've never had to rehome a dog, but can only imagine. I love our (slightly dense, oblivious) dog so much. You're making the right decision, but it has to hurt so much.

Remember... you gave her SUCH a good start in life; she will be capable of loving humans for the rest of her days because of the love, training, and attention you and your family gave her.

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by Caneel

It got to the point where they were always two steps behind the dog to make sure she didn't act out. When they had to turn their attention to their human children, the dog was placed in the (large) laundry room where she had major seperation issues, defecating on the floor, being distructive and so on. This went on for two years until they finally put the dog down.
...

After the fact, they could see just how much negative energy was being devoted to trying to change a dog that truly would have been happier in a non-kid household, a home where someone could focus all their love and attention on the dog.

This is exactly where we're headed. I have to be always within arm's reach of the dog or DS. I carry DS all around the house because I'm terrified of putting him on the ground with the dog. The dog spends excessive amounts of time outside or in the large bathroom (so I can do things like prepare meals etc.), and he hates it. I can't consistently walk him because of my illness. He needs lots of attention and when he doesn't get it he goes nuts. We thought about getting a second dog to keep him company but obviously that would be dumb considering we're having trouble taking care of just one. He needs to be the 'baby' of someone else's family now. Ughhh can you see I'm trying to talk myself through this & really convince myself?

Thank you all so much for the support, I desperately need it right now. DS is so confused because I keep bursting into tears (especially because he keeps insisting we read the dog book with the "pup-pup"). I want to just get this over with but at the same time I hope 1pm never comes.

[texmati]

s I'll be thinking of you around 1 today.