Kind of embarassing question...

[tryingfortwo]

DH and I have been TTCing for baby number two for awhile. We've been having this regular issue the last few months, and I'm not sure how to solve it. We start TTCing on about day 9 or day 10 (I usually ovulate between day 13 and day 15). On the first and second day, DH "finishes" very quickly. However, as we get closer to my ovulation date, he has a lot of difficult reaching O, and most times loses his erection, and we can't finish. It's obviously frustrating for both of us. I'm not sure what the issue is - if it's the frequency and it gets boring after a few days, or if its the pressure of knowing I'm fertile. He said sometimes when I have more CF (closer to O), he finds there isn't as much friction/sensation.

Anyways, I don't know what to do about this. I try getting him really close to O beforehand (using other methods), but even that doesn't seem to always work. Other positions can help sometimes, but I find them very awkward or uncomfortable (and since it can take him a long time to reach O, he's either popping out all the time, or I'm practically biting my lip because it's so uncomfortable - not ideal!)

Anyone else encounter this? I'm just at a loss, and I feel like each month we missed my prime fertile time because of it.

[MountainMamaGC]

Sometimes its not just the act of sex that can bring a man to orgasm. Sometimes its a mental thing. Like if I say the right words at the right time I can get my DH to finish real quick. Or if I wear a skirt, it drives him crazy. Also maybe your DH feels pressured to finish when you get close to your fertile time. Dont talk about TTC with him. Dont let him know when you are fertile and dont let sex be just about baby making.

Or try starting to TTC on day 11 or 12 on your cycle instead.

Thats how I see it anyway.

[forthekids123]

A couple of ideas.. I'm sure the girls here will have more for you too.

1. Does he know what part of the cycle you are in? Performance anxiety is a big one if so. Try not to tell him where your at and see if that helps.

2. I know that the stereotype is that a guys needs it all the time, but that is not realistic in most cases. Some guys don't do well having lots of bd, hold off until your closer to O, or do the every other day thing.

3. if its the physical thing of you being softer etc down there, then I don't have ideas.. hopefully the other girls will..

[Kinza]

Originally Posted by tryingfortwo

He said sometimes when I have more CF (closer to O), he finds there isn't as much friction/sensation.

My DH says this, too. I remember even before we were TTC that when there is more lubrication he would have trouble with loss of sensation. What is working for us is different positions, and also trying to just make it more fun--if he's feeling a little shocked (in a good way), that seems to help him with this particular situation.

[littlest birds]

Another option is to help him O manually but then collect the semen in a menstrual cup and insert it.

But I think that would be a PITA. I would first try waiting until CD 12 to BD--that might help.

IME hands can also help his O along if you stimulate his testicles and esp. the perineal area behind them/base of penis (which I can reach comfortably in several positions.) Can you picture that? I'm trying not to get more graphic. But for us it means a rapid climax for him whenever I'm ready.

[MaerynPearl]

I totally agree with keeping him in the dark about what part of your cycle you are in (if he is 100% agreeing to TTC this is NOT a bad thing to do. I do not suggest TTC without his consent though... lol)

In order for this to work, you have to make sure you are not only initiating sex during your fertile times but outside of it as well so he does not KNOW when you are fertile. If you are suddenly wanting to go at it every day, but not very interested the rest of the month, most men would catch on fairly quickly.

[scarletjane]

yup, all great suggestions. I would second the idea of doing every other day starting on day 12. Try to be as patient as you can, as I'm guessing that the added pressure of letting you down might just make it harder for him.

And don't be embarrassed! In here, it seems you can really talk about anything, and that's what we're all here for.. to help each other out and provide support.

good luck!

[Stevi]

Ummm... Could you try male toys? It sounds like his trouble is, as he said, too slippery. So, maybe there is something you could use that will not effect that important EWCM, but still give him more friction? Something non-chemical, obviously. Maybe some sort of ring or sleeve?

[tryingfortwo]

Thanks for the comments, everyone! I was so nervous to post that question, glad to hear there isn't such a thing as TMI

It's pretty hard to keep him in the dark wrt when I'm ovulating, just because he usually knows when AF is visiting. Plus, I'll be honest - we're (or maybe mostly I'm) kinda burnt out on TTCing, it's been over a year. So we usually only DTD when we need to, you know? I know, I know, that's not a good thing, and we should try to do it at other times just for fun. It's mostly my fault, so I'm sure it would help if I was open to it the rest of the month.

Anyways, I appreciate the comments - definitely will try to go into this next cycle with some new ideas!

[EllyMayMomma]

Kind of dealing with a similar situation here and am glad you asked the question. According to my recent research, a guy can actually O even if flaccid. Apparently, the physiology between erection and O is a bit different. Collecting and inserting may be a real option for you and would perhaps be a bit different enough to make it interesting if you don't make a big deal out of the cup.

Also, if there is just too much lubricant, a paper towel might remove just enough to increase friction without changing the EW consistency.

[HulaJenn]

I second the idea about using toys or even a finger? CF can def make it more slippery. When I can't tighten using kiegels anymore DH will use a finger inserted as well to create a tighter environment. Good luck!