A 5-year-old and a baby and...

[zannster]

No, I'm not pregnant.

I've been reading the other current thread here, and I don't want to post my saga there. I'm having the same problem with baby and bored older sibling, and he doesn't play well on his own at all. He spends a lot of time playing computer games and watching shows on netflix.

The big thing I'm not getting is how so many moms can put their babies down to sleep - or alternatively, wear them all the time. Neither of my babies would sleep alone for months (first finally at five months - second hasn't gotten there yet at 3.5 mos). I don't move around enough to keep a baby happy in a sling (and she isn't into much anyway, unless there is a lot to watch). I wonder if I'm not pushing the solo napping enough. I'm able to sort of get away with this now because DH isn't working...but not much gets done around here, and I hear plenty of complaining. I'd like to think this will ger better when DD matures a bit (and also DS goes to school this fall), but man, we are struggling here now.

[ann_of_loxley]

I wear him mostly in the sling. Actually...he must only be detached from me for about ...erm...maybe an hour a day. And that isn't consecutive at all! It is probably much less than that as my showers are much quicker these days! hehe

I use a variety of slings a day and a variety of positions.

I don't feel I move around enough either in all honesty. I honestly feel like, when I pop him in the sling, I should go down to the river to was our clothes or be grinding corn for hours! lmao....But we have a washing machine and food is much easier to make. So in all honesty, I just wear away the carpet! I jiggle, sway, dance, etc...in one spot. (cor! I must burn a lot of calories doing that! lol) - If hes sleepy. If he is not sleepy...hes getting to the point (hes 12 weeks old by the way) where he is just happily awake in the sling observing.

I have learned to manage my time around his sleepy/awake periods so he is as happy as he can be in the sling. For example, I will do things that he finds soothing in the sling when he is sleepy and things he would find annoying in the sling if he were awake. For example, cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, hoovering and putting the laundry away...tasks I take up when he is sleepy. Hanging up the washing, cleaning the floor and the windows - tasks I take up when he is fast asleep! lol

I can't put him down. He doesn't like it. Its actually a good thing I like my shower in the morning because that is when he is most happy (so I can put him down for five mintues in a bouncer chair where he can see me outside of the shower). The rest of the times he is put down is such a quick thing. No longer than two minutes at a time (if that!)! I found life much easier when I just accepted that this was the baby I had. A baby that wanted to be in physical contact all the time. He is also terribly social! lol...So hes really not interested in toys and would rather just smile and babble away to you all the time he is awake! This was quite a shock to me after DS1 - because he was totally different. He was a baby you could put down. A baby that didn't seem fussed either way. Totally easy going, portable, dowhateverwithable kinda baby. DS2 has been very humbling for me. I have learned that a lot of babies are just born with certain temperments and the best thing to do is go with the flow! lol

Accepting who DS2 is was hard for me at first. In fact, it was downright depressing. I felt a bit trapped. I loved my slings as well - big baby wearer me (had load of fun with them with DS1 and had fun buying more in preperation for DS2...who knew I would use them all this often and then some! lol)...but you have a different feeling towards them when you suddely find yourself held hostage by them. Thats what it felt like - I was being held hostage. Complete shock to the stysem (after DS1!). But he is also such a happy baby. I honestly could not love him anymore than I do - I love him to bits just the way he is!!!

I don't see why you would have to push solo napping. Human babies are designed to want to be near us ...all the time. Of course, this is 2010....but our natural born instinctive babies don't know that - lol! I actually felt that this was the one big mistake I ever made with DS1 - solo napping. (and solo napping in a quiet bedroom). Before this, he could sleep anywhere and anyhow. I esentially conditioned him to like to nap quietly alone...which made me housebound for his naptimes. Big mistake. DS2 never has had much of a choice...when we go - we go! We are always on the go as well. But still - he never cries. How many HOURS a day do they say the average baby cries in the western world?...We are no where near that average! I love a happy baby! lol All his needs are met right here near to my heart!

I am struggling too. I know how that feels. The house certainly isn't as clean or tidy as it used to be for one (and as I suffer from OCD, this is VERY hard for me) and DS1 does tend to end up watching more tele than I am pleased about because at the moment I am not able to spend as much one on one time with him as I would like. We have also choosen to home educate so theres no 'he is going to school come September' (like he would do if he were going to school). Sometimes I think I must be insane! (I know everyone else does!) lmao What I can get done, I can only do with teh baby on my back! Seriously...I just don't know how I would manage without a sling because of his temperment! I like happy no crying babies! hehe

I also think this will get better/easier when he is older. For one, he will be able to carry his own weight around a bit more - so I can just pop him on my hip supporting him with one arm! He will also eventually be able to sit up, crawl around, etc. Also, putting him on my back will be easier when he can support himself more as well. I am also sure, like with everything I choose to do as a parent, he will naturally progress into independence. And I can be happy to know that he has done this in his own time and in a healthy way. So eventually - he won't be so 'attached'! lol

[zannster]

I tried wearing DD a few days ago, while I was making cobbler. I had her in a front carry, in the Moby. I've never mastered a back carry. She likes to be forward and able to see things anyway. Could she see anything from the back? I had a difficult time working with her in front of me. It was hard to see around her, and she kept leaning forward, trying to get her hands in everything. Plus after about 10-15 minutes, she started getting fussy, like she didn't want to be in it anymore.

I've only found the sling to be really useful for unusual occasions. One was a party at the preschool. One was a solo airport trip. In normal life, I sit down a lot. We hang around the house a lot. I dance around with her sometimes, but I don't have the energy to be up and moving for the duration of a nap. I'm just too tired.

[jillmamma]

Do you have a backyard? I found for my older ones it helps to hang out there for awhile (when it is not so dang hot!) and I can sit on a lawn chair with the baby. Sometimes just getting out a bit more helps too, whether to the playground or pool or just a store. I babywear most of the time when we are out, occasionally using the stroller, but when out, I am walking around more so the LO stays happy and interested. I have managed to figure out a way to nurse in the sling and walk at the same time too so that helps.

[greenemami]

I am lucky to have a "good" napper and we use the sling a lot too, but otherwise..

Have you tried sitting on the floor with baby on a blanket next to you? Ds loves to practice rolling around or putting his feet in his mouth and will stay there for quite a while (well, okay, a few minutes! lol) provided I stay pretty close. That way I can play a game with dd right next to him or fold laundry, or whatever else I need two hands for!

they also make those baby tummy time mats with the play stuff on top, if you think she might like the dangling toys etc.

Good luck, it is really hard to balance the needs of two kids and dd is definitely still watching more tv than I would like four months out-although it is slowly getting better