s/o potty training/power struggle

[hergrace]

DS3 and I seem to have fallen into a power struggle over potty use that I can't seem to get my way out of. He is 3 1/4 and has no problem with pooping on the potty. He has had that down for almost a year and has no more than one accident every couple of months. But, peeing in the potty is a massive struggle.

I think that part of what is going on is that he gets one on one attention from me most if he has a potty accident (life with 3 3-year olds is like that).

In general, my thought is to let it go and I have backed off other than sending him to change after an accident. The trouble is that I am feeling the pressure of school in the fall. He is signed up for a great Montessori school that needs him to be pretty self-sufficient. I know that DS1 had about an accident a week when he started and that was fine, but DS3 is having several accidents a day, which really isn't going to work.

Any ideas?

[claras_mom]

Is he excited about going to school in the fall? If so, you can casually talk about the potty issue in that context: that at school, he'll need to be able to do it all himself.

If the attention he gets from you really is a part of it, I suspect he'll do fine in school and save the accidents for home.

[sarahr]

I was in a similar position recently -- my 3.75 dd wasn't potty trained, showing no interest in potty training, and needed to be trained to go to a camp that she was very excited about. We did a star chart and offered bribes, to no avail.

Then I got a timer, one where dd could visually see how much time was left (even without recognizing numbers). When the timer went off, it was potty time, for everyone (me and daddy included, if he was home). Having the timer tell all of us to do something, rather than me tell dd to do something, made her much more cooperative.

We also went to the store and had her pick out a new potty seat. Previously, we had been using potties that I had picked out ages and ages ago. Giving her ownership over the potty made her much more excited.

I don't know if it was one or both of those things, or a coincidence, but right after we started those two things, it clicked, and she has had very few accidents since then.

[sparkysgirl]

Originally Posted by sarahr

We also went to the store and had her pick out a new potty seat. Previously, we had been using potties that I had picked out ages and ages ago. Giving her ownership over the potty made her much more excited.

Not the op, but thank you for this! I'm the op of the poop resistance thread and lately we have been having pee regression issues. Lots of pee in my new carpet now and after reading this I brainstormed ideas with her with the intention of using this idea and letting her think it was hers. Anyway we went to the store and she picked a musical princess potty. She made a good choice since it plays music everytime she pees in it. So far she has been trying to squeeze out every little dribble of pee she can just to hear the music, so your suggestion helped me. I am hoping that she will also decide to use it for poop too!

[hergrace]

Originally Posted by sarahr

Then I got a timer, one where dd could visually see how much time was left (even without recognizing numbers). When the timer went off, it was potty time, for everyone (me and daddy included, if he was home). Having the timer tell all of us to do something, rather than me tell dd to do something, made her much more cooperative.

This sounds like it might help. It's worth a try. When he does go, he likes to use the toilet without any potty seats, so a new potty seat he chose probably isn't the best direction to go.

We're about to spend three weeks with a beloved grandmother who has high expectations of her grandkids, so she may have more sway than I do. She certainly did with DS1 who also resisted using the potty at home.

I think he will love the new school, so knowing that he has to keep himself dry at school may be what he needs to makes sure he goes at school. And, as long as he is good at school, I don't mind the accidents at home so much.