I need help with the situation I'm in

[BRmama]

Hi, I have a family wedding to go to on dh's side tomorrow that we've been planning for a while. It's a whole day's event. The ceremony and the luncheon is in the morning and the reception is at night. They had to pay for the luncheon. All this in another town near mine.

Now my son got sick last week after we found out that dh's co-worker's kid had croup. Now my son today (doesn't have croup) but has a viral infection and has also lost weight and throws up after coughing. I took him to the dr. today and the dr. said there's nothing they can do unless it becomes worse and to just let it (the virus) run it's course. He also told me some things to do and not do and lots of rest etc. Now obviously I wasn't planning for my son to be sick but he's the priority here. I discuss with dh and tell him that I'll be staying with the kids during the day and go to the reception at night when they are asleep and I can leave them with my mom. He calls his mom to tell this and she still wants us to go to the luncheon instead of the reception because we're wasting their money if we don't go plus they're family. I'm quite annoyed by this as I thought she'd understand.

My question though is what is the polite thing to do for the family of this newlywed couple that payed for the luncheon? I mean do I call them and apologize, or pay them my part? Either way I'm not going. Even though my son who is sick is not bf he needs me. I know mil and possibly dh will be using that as her argument. The fact that he's not bf is easier to leave him with a sitter. So any advice is deeply appreciated. TIA

[HappyMommy2]

Sounds like you have a perfect plan to make everyone happy, and your MIL threw a monkey wrench in it. Well, it isn't her child or her decision! I say go with your gut (and your initial plan)

[BRmama]

Thanks HappyMommy2, yeah that's what I'm leaning towards, I just don't want to deal with her at the reception. On the other hand I have to remind myself that I wont be there for her but for dh's cousin who is getting married.

[mammal_mama]

You know what I'd be tempted to do (of course I wouldn't do it, but I'd sure be tempted!)? Show up with my sick child! So that more even food could be consumed, even if it's thrown up later, LOL.

Of course I'd never make my sick child so miserable or expose everyone else to an illness, but it seems to me that this woman is being highly unreasonable. When my kids are sick I am with them. Period. I think you're going above and beyond by even being willing to leave him with your mom to go to the reception.

Yeah, I agree with HappyMommy2 that you should go with your original plan -- and of course it's really the newlyweds' party and not your MIL's party anyway. Heck, if they're that worried about food being wasted your dh can save you a plate. I have a feeling that only your MIL is worried, though.

[Hoopin' Mama]

Do call and let them know you can't make it - they may have someone who wants to bring a date last minute or something.
I do not think you are obligated to offer to pay for it.

[BRmama]

Thank you all for the replies. Mammal_mama that's funny lol. Anyway yeah I'm gonna go on with my plan. Wish me luck tomorrow.


Yeah as far as my il's go we've had some issues with them before. The main thing is that dh can't stand up to them. For some reason he's afraid of them and as a result he'll lie to them. For example he told his parents that tomorrow my parents work (today and tomorrow are my parents days off) and they can't take care of the baby and we can't leave the baby with the sitter because he's sick. I guess that's a whole other problem that I should post on PaP because it's happened way too many times and it's getting to the point that we argue about it. Most of all I want to help him but he doesn't admit to it. Anyway thanks again for the replies I will be calling his cousin's family tonight to inform them that I'm not going to the luncheon as a pp suggested.

[mumkimum]

You're fine not to go - people really do tend to understand that things like this happen unexpectedly. You're likely not the only one they paid for that couldn't show up, too. It wouldn't be a bad idea to call and let them know personally and they'd probably appreciate that.

[velochic]

Can I just say... how odd to plan a wedding to take place in the middle of the week! I don't think you'll be the only one that might have something come up. I hope your in-laws were understanding and your little one gets better quickly.

[limabean]

Stuff happens. Bridal couples understand that RSVPs aren't set in stone -- of course if people get sick they won't be able to attend. Your ILs are being silly, and you're being more than nice by still attending the reception.

[Quinalla]

Geez, it isn't like he just has a cold, he is really sick. You MIL is being unreasonable for sure. Just let the couple know ASAP and apologize, they hopefully can fill the spot.

[just_lily]

I'm trying to figure out how the couple is paying for a luncheon, but not the reception. Are they making the guests pay for themselves? That sounds weird.

I was going to suggest you go to just the ceremony, but if it works for you better to do just the reception instead I think that is fine too. I don't think the fact they are paying for the lunch is either here nor there.... it isn't going to cost them any more or less at this point whether or not you are there. Unless it is a really small wedding they probably have a few other guests that are 'maybes' for attendence, so in most cases people will over pay for a few more meals.

I just got married at the end of June, and one of my guests had to leave my reception shortly after arriving because her daughter was running a fever. And I have to say that the fact I purchased food for her that would not be consumed (we had a big backyard BBQ with my professional chef brother at the grill) never even crossed my mind until this minute. Unless this couple's priorities are really out of whack, they shouldn't be bothered either.

[just_lily]

Oh, and I would definitely call and apologize, but not bring up the fact they are paying for the lunch specifically. Just say that your kid is really sick but that you have arranged for your mom to stay with him in the evening, so that you will have to miss the ceremony and lunch but will see them at the reception. Wish them well, and leave it at that.

[BRmama]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I called them yesterday and they were very understanding. They know and are expecting me to come to the reception tonight.

Sometimes I don't know what goes on in my mil's head. I mean it's her grandson. He's feeling much better today btw and I was able to bring him back to his normal temp. Now I'm just keeping him hydrated and managing his cough. Potentially I could go and leave him with my mom whom I trust but I would rather be there for MY son yk. Thanks again for the replies

[shanniesue2]

I think the whole excuse of "they paid for you" is kind of silly...

I mean when a couple has a wedding, they (or their parents or whomever) pays for the party regardless of who shows up or cancels or whatever... I mean, yeah... they ask for RSVPs... but that is more to get a general idea of how much food/drink to provide so that all the guests are comfortably fed and entertained... the RSVP isn't meant to be a "no turning back now" response. Things happen.