Bully at the playground-Need some feedback

[Lady Mayapple]

So we went to a local park yesterday, one we visit frequently. It was an unusually busy day for a Tuesday, all of the pavilions were rented, including the big one by the special playground for toddlers. Aside from the usual problems with older kids invading the toddler play area, one little girl who couldn've been older than 6 or 7 was terrorizing everyone. First she approached DS2 (almost 4). He has a little toy raccoon that chirps, and he carries it everywhere. At first it seemed innocent, and she asked him if she could see his raccoon. Then she says "Can I have a raccoon too?", snatches it from him and RUNS AWAY. DS2 flipped out and started crying and screaming. DH intervened and told her to give it back, which she did.

A few minutes later, I'm with my 2yo DD. She went over to one of those little rocking horses, you know those metal ones on a spring? As soon as she got there, this same girl PUSHES HER out of the way and climbs up on the horse. I calmly told this child that DD was there first, and if she could ride the horse first. In the snappiest, snottiest voice the child retorted "I was on the horse first, so no." Thankfully DD lost interest and went off to do something else.

Where were the parents? I have no clue. I didn't want to deal with the situation because in case the parents were there I didn't want drama. But now I'm kicking myself for allowing this to happen at all. What kind of parents let their kid act like that anyway? I don't know-what would you do?? I'm terrified we will see her there again.

[limabean]

For the first incident, we don't bring lovies to the park just because of that type of situation. DS understood from an early age that his stuffed buddies had to stay in the car -- he'd give them a hug and a kiss and tell them he'd see them when he got back, and he was okay with it.

For the second incident, I probably wouldn't have tried to get her to get off the toy, since there's no way to force her to do so, so it's likely that you'll "lose" the argument. Instead, I would have addressed her pushing behavior, saying something like, "Whoa, it's not nice to push. Next time you should wait your turn" and then taking DD somewhere else to play.

[ssh]

We used to bring favorite toys to the park all the time. A lot of small children do around here and I've never seen anything like you described. The little girl sounds like she's trying to get adult attention. Since she was unsupervised maybe she doesn't get enough attention. I would have asked the child where her grown up was. I've asked kids that a few times, usually when they were doing something dangerous.

Also we avoid the playgrounds when they are really crowded. I just don't think they are as safe, especially climbing structures. Most kids seem supervised at the playgrounds we go to. There is one playground in our town that has more unsupervised children at it sometimes and we don't go there any more.

[phathui5]

I'm glad that you and your dh said something both times instead of just putting up with it. I think that sometimes when older kids are being rude and you can't find a parent, it's ok to be firm with them.

After asking for a turn didn't work, I may have said "Look here kid, my little kid was trying to get on the toy and you pushed her out of the way. You need to get down, RIGHT NOW." If she still didn't get down, you could try pointing at her and yelling "Is anyone here with this child? She's pushing little kids!" Even if her parent wasn't there, pointing her out could embarass her enough to strongly communicate that you don't mess with little kids and their parents at the playground.

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by phathui5

I'm glad that you and your dh said something both times instead of just putting up with it. I think that sometimes when older kids are being rude and you can't find a parent, it's ok to be firm with them.

After asking for a turn didn't work, I may have said "Look here kid, my little kid was trying to get on the toy and you pushed her out of the way. You need to get down, RIGHT NOW." If she still didn't get down, you could try pointing at her and yelling "Is anyone here with this child? She's pushing little kids!" Even if her parent wasn't there, pointing her out could embarass her enough to strongly communicate that you don't mess with little kids and their parents at the playground.

This is SO me. ... EXCUSE ME IS THE MOTHER OF THIS CHILD AROUND.... Does anyone know who is supposed to be supervising this child....

IF no one answers I look at the child and say... Since no one is here with you i need to call the police to find your mommy you must be lost. < take out the cell phone>

[ChristyMarie]

You need to fine tune your MOM VOICE.

We just dealt with this type of behavior at a children's museum last week. First, where the heck are the parents??? Who lets these kids run all over unsupervised?

We had lots and lots of kids taking things, not sharing or jumping in front of DS when he had been waiting his turn.

"I'm sorry, but that isn't yours, let's give it back (taking item if needed). Thank you."

"Nope, DS was first, you need to wait. No, you need to get off now it is not your turn. It is NOT your turn, please get off NOW. Thank you..."

Repeat repeat repeat. I only had to repeat myself to one little girl - and that took 3 times and a tap on her shoulder. Now, shouldn't an adult have noticed by then???

I do think it is important for your DC to watch you model standing up for them in a polite and firm manner so they know it is ok and that they don't have to let the bullies/pushy kids do whatever they want.

[Lady Mayapple]

Thanks so much mamas. I was so afraid to draw attention to the situation-next time I'll know better. It was such a weird day for all the pavilions to be rented out on a weekday. Normally that happens on the weekends, and the place is flooded with out-of-towners, and we generally avoid the park on the weekends for that reason. Perhaps a letter to the park is in order-this is a growing problem with unsupervised children, the place is just pure anarchy on the weekends. I also think they need to be more careful about who they allow to throw parties-the pavilion rentals are very cheap, and I hate to say it but I think it attracts a lot of questionable characters...