How best to encourage 2-year-old to cut back?

[zwitterion]

My DD recently turned 2, and she is obsessed with nursing. I had cut her back to nursing 3 or maybe 4 times a day, but she recently started asking to nurse all.the.time again--about the same time I started trying to drop it down to 2 sessions a day. It's not just asking, either. It's hounding, begging, crying, pleading, and it breaks my heart. The main reason I am trying to cut her back is that we are desperate to get pregnant again, and I have not ovulated or had a period in over 8 months. DH suggested that I've instilled a bit of a Pavlovian response in her by giving in sometimes when she begs, so now she is relentless every time because sometimes she gets it by being relentless. Make sense?

To solve this problem, he suggested that I try letting her nurse whenever she wants, and if she has full access, he thought she would get tired of it. Granted, I am only 4 or 5 days into this, but she is nursing more and more and more every day. She is also having a hard time at night now, protesting her nightweaning more than she has in ages. In full disclosure, we suspect she is starting to work on her 2 year molars, too, which is probably making everything worse.

Do you think DH's plan, if given time, will actually help? Or do you think I've lost the progress we'd made in getting her down to 3 times a day? Do you have any ideas for things that might help? Thanks so much!

[D_McG]

I would just go with your gut. I personally could not nurse a child that age on demand. My kids would nurse all day long given the chance. I just got done weaning my little girl but for her I had us down to before naps and bed shortly after she was a year old. I just never gave in. Not to be mean but just to be clear. I knew she'd learn other ways to be comforted and so it worked out well.

I don't think there is a right or wrong approach. All kids will wean eventually!

[kaylacox]

I too say go with your gut. One thing that helps is being too busy to nurse. The minute I sit down is when DD wants to do it, but if I stay busy, and she stays busy, she doesn't want to do it constantly.

I think your husband has a point about Pavlov, but on the other hand, I also think that as a parent, you are the one in charge. In other words, if you feel as a mother that she should only be nursing 3 times a day at this age, then you, as the mom, get to enforce it.

[kalynnsmom]

I'll share what I did. I had to put limits on my twin boys because they'd nurse all.the.time if I didn't. I was feeling touched out, so I felt that this was a good compromise-they could nurse but on my terms.

-I would count to 10 and tell them no more nah nahs after I got to 10 (or singing a song could work too) They weren't happy about it but they finally got the hang of it and would even unlatch themselves before I got to 10

-Lots of distractions. I'd avoid the place we would nurse (the couch for us) and keep busy. I'd keep them busy too (take them to the park, for example).

Eventually we got them down to once a day. It was a slow process but Ronin finally weaned about a month ago. Hopefully, Ryker will wean soon, too..

[jessica_s]

The 2 year molars are tough so I'd say you might not get much relief until those suckers pop though.

The PP mentioned it but what worked for us was distractions, also saying ok we can have ba ba after we do "this" or in a few minutes after mommy does something. Sometimes it would be completely forgotten about and other times he'd be sitting on the couch waiting on me to finish.

Also it really helped me to put a time limit on the actual session. We'd sing ABC's once and then done. Especially nursing at bed time, good god that child could nurse for hours lol. So I'd say we're going to nurse until this time. After that pop him off and offer to cuddle in another way.

You might have to give her a lot more touch time without nursing than your used to. We did snuggles which helped a lot. No nursing, just snuggling up reading a book or whatever. He got that closeness and touch without expecting to nurse. We still have snuggle time and he's been weaned for over a year now! It's very special now that he's no longer nursing.

ETA: I do want to add that these were the only things we did and he dropped sessions on his own and night weaned on his own. He went longer and longer between sessions and near the end he would nurse only a few times a week. I did encourage him to wean (by doing the above things) so it was mutual, not totally child led but he was 3 when he last nursed. 2 was a rough year!

[LCBMAX]

Count me in as #1 for touched out, #1 for at my wits end, etc, but also #1 for your husband's fabulously pro-kid thinking. There's a happy, or at least tolerable medium in there somewhere.

The first thing I did was limit nursing to only a few places in the house, instead of everywhere/ whenever. So if there was a request (read demand) to nurse at the park, I could get playful and say "We don't nurse at the park, silly! We only nurse in the nursing chair! We can do that when we get home. Do you want to leave now or go down the slide again?" Slide won, every time except when he was sick or really really needed me. When he really wanted to nurse, I didn't put any limit on time til I could sense he could unlatch easily.

The second thing I did was introduce the idea of asking for attention instead of milk. I gave him the words (which I have lived to regret, sometimes) "Mama, I want attention please!" and he uses them often enough to make me glad I'm not nursing for all those requests. Whenever possible, I try to reward that non-nursing request with some serious meter-feeding, one to one, snuggly or playful, whatever is needed.

Since then, I've limited the nursing to even fewer places at home, and I'm about to cut out the last place that seems at all sociable. I want him to really have to choose between being in the action, or near his trains, and milk. My feeling is, if he needs milk so much that he'll leave his trains, he really does need it. If it was an ambivalent request, he'll usually choose the trains. Then I sometimes clarify "Hey, maybe you really just want some attention, or someone to play with you? Yes? Ok, here I am!"

So ultimately, I want to follow a generally child-led weaning/ limiting approach, but as an equal partner in this process (supposedly) and since he's of an age and a mind to ask for one thing when he really wants another, I think it's fine and even good to help clarify what is what, and when. Limiting locations has done that for me, more or less. Enough to keep me in the game.

Big applause for your DH for having the inherent trust that your child knows what's needed. Big, big applause.

edited to add: my son is now 2.5. I vote for staying super strong on the nightweaning, and being flexible in the daytime while her world (and her mouth) expands exponentially once again.