Frustrated, son won't be worn, yet can't be put down

[Norasmomma]

It is getting to the point where I am freaking out every.single.day. All day he wants is to be held, he's frigging almost 10 months and 20 lbs, he hates being worn only likes being held-my house is always a mess, there's food to be cooked, cleaning to be done, I have to get ready for work. Frustrated is beyond how I feel my neck and back hurt, I have a few hundred dollars of carriers, wrap and slings that are rarely used. My Dh totally commiserates with me, he watches the kids the nights I work and has to hold our son all evening too. Our DD wasn't like this at all, she was content to play with toys on the floor and crawl around, she wasn't challenging until she was a toddler. He just whines, IF he's not in somebody's arms.

I have resigned to the fact that he may just have to cry for a minute while I go to the bathroom, put a load of laundry in the washer, YK the stuff that has to be done. He just cries if he's put down. He's a very happy boy if he's held, otherwise hello waterworks, ugh.

I'm not sure if I'm looking for help or just venting, LOL.

[toughcookie]

oh boy, i feel for you. my little one does prefer to be held when i'm at home, but he is content to be in his jump-up or exersaucer for about 10 minutes, which helps lots. do you have a place like this, where he can sit/"stand", or are you putting him on the floor?

i assume you tried a front-facing carrier for your chest? that's the only thing my son tolerates - has to see what's going on and not all bunched up like he got in slings.

one thing i had to get over is that he will just cry when stuff needs to get done. it is hard to hear, but i keep talking to him anyhow, promising i'll be there in a few minutes once [whatever pressing] is done. a breakthrough was that at one point he actually stopped crying and just sat there watching me - that was only last week and he is nearly 8 months.

[Norasmomma]

Oh I've tried just about every type of carry/hold there is, he also hated the activity center, and is over his jumper. When he first was mobile it was much better, he was excited to be able to crawl, so he was a total go-getter. If we are at the beach it's easier because of all the stimulation, it's the days where things need to actually get done that it's the worst.

My DD was so much more laid back when it came to things, she just would let me sit her down, play with her toys on the floor while I'd get ready. DS is a completely different story, he crawls up, pulls down your pants to stand up(both DH and I have been pants'd), he whines about the fact he's not being held. This isn't a new thing, it's been going on since, oh about 3mo. He also will decide that he's done with the carseat and scream, because again he wants to be held.

I know he's my last baby, so on one hand I know I need to relish this, but in the moment it can be so much that all I can think about is how to get him happy to not be held for 5 minutes. Ugh.

[toughcookie]

Originally Posted by Norasmomma

(both DH and I have been pants'd)

okay, i know you're suffering, but i gotta tell you that this gave me a much-needed laugh.

sorry i can't be helpful!

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by toughcookie

okay, i know you're suffering, but i gotta tell you that this gave me a much-needed laugh.

sorry i can't be helpful!

Oh trust me it is funny

[elmh23]

My first was a lot like that and it sucked. It got a lot better once she was able to walk because then she could get in to crap she shouldn't have. How close is he to walking?

I now have three children, 5 and under. The baby (4 months) just has to deal sometimes. Thankfully, he loves the Ergo back carry when I working, but I also can't wear him 24/7 (it's HOT! and my back hurts!) so he goes on the floor. Sometimes he's happy with that, other times he is not. The times when he is not, I get one of the older kids to get a toy for him or sing to him and that tends to help. I have also started cleaning after the kids go to bed and dh can hold ds2. Part of this is the heat, but man I can get a lot done in a half hour that I can't get done if I'm holding someone!

I hope this phase ends quickly for you!

[angelachristin]

my 10 month old DD pantsed me 2 days ago while I was making breakfast. It sure is a fun age, isn't it?

I guess I am lucky mine likes to be worn in the Beco and will usually stand her Exersaucer long enough for me to get a very quick shower. I have been trying to get in a quick workout video every other day and put her in the playpen for that and she acts like I'm absolutely murdering her even though she's right next to me.

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by elmh23

My first was a lot like that and it sucked. It got a lot better once she was able to walk because then she could get in to crap she shouldn't have. How close is he to walking?

A week to a month maybe, IDK, a few weeks ago it seemed really soon, he cruises well and has been doing that and crawling since he was 7 months. He'll stand independently sometimes. It's funny I just fed him a TON of food and now he's contentedly playing with his sister.

He has pretty free range, toy bin with stuff, he just likes to be held. It's been like this always, but he's back to being extra clingy, I blame teething.

[boobs4milk]

ugh. welcome to my world. millie rarely naps on her own or sleeps on her own. she won't let anyone but me hold her. she sometimes tolerates the mai tai but only if we are out and on the move. she did the water sling a couple of times, for about 5 mins :s i just hold her and try not to lose my mind. oh, and i had neck surgery 6 wks ago so sling or not my neck hurts.

[sugarpop]

I am starting to think I got myself in over my head! Sophia wants to be held 24/7...ok maybe not quite, she sleeps alone for the first 2 hours of the night so I guess it is only 22/7...lol. I just read the previous posters name..."boobs4milk" and it made me smile, because that is all I am anymore, oh and arms for carry. My arms are better than DH or so Sophia seems to think. I am exhausted. She doesn't seem to be interested in the wraps although at 24lbs I am not interested most of the time either. The heat and humidity have even made stroller walks difficult. We get out of the house for 2 10 minute boughts a day, walks with her in my arms searching for birds. I don't know how mothers have more than 1 child, although I better figure it out because I refuse to raise an only child.



jsut want you to know you aren't alone

[laughingfox]

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DD1 was like that sometimes, and if I tried to let DH hold her, she'd switch from crying to screaming.

Music might help? DD1 was sometimes calmed by music and/or by watching me dance around like an idiot when I was playing music and doing housework at the same time.

Can your other DD "hold" him for short periods of time, just having him on her lap, while nearby, sitting on carpet or something?

If he's on solids and you're doing BLW, maybe you could do kitchen chores while watching him eat? You could try setting up a highchair (if you have one) right next to the sink so he's still in plain sight and within arm's reach, and let him play with food while you do dishes or cook.

Have you tried wearing him in a sling/carrier with one of your arms inside of it, so it seems more like he's being held? This will really only free one hand, but it might relieve your back a bit.

Oh, and I don't know if this will work for you or not, but when I set up DD1's potty seat set up in the bathroom, she'd actually let me set her down on her potty while I sat on mine.

[cristeen]

My guy is in a similar stage - luckily it's only intermittent. But he does enjoy pantsing the both of us - he manages to do it to DH more often than me though. Lately though he's taken to trying to yank my breasts out of my shirt while we're in public.

Anyway - some things that have helped us. Solids. When he's in that needy mood, I feed him. He rarely goes into his highchair, I just feed him at my knee. This will usually buy me about 20 minutes of peaceful playing after he's done eating, but I have to feed him until *he* decides he's done.

Hip carry in the sling. It only frees one hand, but it's not any different from how you might carry him on your hip anyway, except your arms don't want to fall off. I can't do dishes this way, but I can do laundry, go to the bathroom, brush my hair, etc. Can't sit down though... he'll freak if I sit down with him in a carrier.

Will he let you get down on the floor and play with him? Or does he still insist on being held?

As horrible as many people on here will think I am for doing it, I put him down and turn on the DVD of Baby Signing Time, which captivates him. It usually gives me 30 minutes to do whatever. I just got Signing Time last week, and it's not as captivating as BST, but if I set it to play just the songs, it'll keep him interested for 10-15 minutes (depending on the disc). I can also play those same songs in the car and they'll calm down a screaming fit immediately.

[Norasmomma]

The kid eats a ton of food and sometimes will hang out in his highchair and eat while I do something, but oh no if I am not paying full attention to him and doing the dishes or something.

He's the same with DH while I work, except he will go in the backpack for DH, BUT if he tries to do chores like weeding the garden or something DS will get bored and whine.

I sometimes will let DD hang out with him, but usually her "holding" ends up being a wrestling match between them, with one or both screaming. They both are really strong kids and so they end up pinching and squishing each other-it's not very helpful.

Today I finally had it and put on a DVD, but he bores of that too. Being held is his thing I guess. I'd probably not be so frazzled by it, but when I also co-sleep, nurse and try to do anything and he's screaming, it's just hard. I did just get a break, but unfortunately it was just going to work for 6 hours.

[zoebird]

i would recommend chiropractic or traditional osteopathic care (cranial osteopathy). it might just be an alignment thing, and be able to be worked out.

[Pookietooth]

Does he like a chair such as a high chair or stroller? Have you tried out lots of different carriers and positions? DD hated front facing in until I started nursing her that way, now she's fine with it as long as I'm moving. Does your ds crawl at all? Have you tried the homeopathic remedies that correspond to this? I think pulsatilla or Chamomilla are the ones for babies who want to be carried all the time.
Does he have any other obvious signs of sensory motor issues? (SPD) Not to scare you, since many babies have various sensory needs, but the earlier it is dealt with the more chance for recovery. See:
http://www.babiestoday.com/articles/...disorder-4388/
http://www.sensory-processing-disord...-toddlers.html
http://www.brighttots.com/sensory_integration

[Norasmomma]

Originally Posted by Pookietooth

Does he like a chair such as a high chair or stroller? Have you tried out lots of different carriers and positions?

Does he have any other obvious signs of sensory motor issues? (SPD) Not to scare you, since many babies have various sensory needs, but the earlier it is dealt with the more chance for recovery. See:

I have a Moby, an Ergo, a pouch sling and a heavy duty hiking backpack. He just really hates being cooped up. He is an active baby, but yet he wants to be held so he can be part of the action. He crawls, cruises, and is very close to walking, he just doesn't like being put down. Carriers just are not his "thing" I guess. He will tolerate some amount of being in a carrier if we are actually doing something, like going to the farmer's market, but if it's just so I can do chores, he's totally peeved.

He isn't special needs, he's just needy.

Today he's been much better, I really think it's his teeth, my babes get clingy when they are teething. He also is worse if he doesn't sleep well, which is of course a big, DUH, I don't exactly act happy if I don't sleep well either.

[Caittune]

Both of my girls have been like this. I've had to really relax my standards of how messy things are able to get. Lots of commiseration.

Have you tried a high back carry? That is something I'm trying to get up the gumption to do because I feel like if she could see she'd be happier.

We do fine on days where we have no pressing concerns, but at the moment I just moved and we are planning two big renos so I have lots of leg work that needs doing so yeah...it is moderately stressful.

[Pookietooth]

Yes, dd seems to get much clingier (and wakes more at night) when she's cutting teeth (in fact she is right now and sleep has been awful -- hmm, maybe I need to give her some of that remedy, ). Even kids that are not special needs but may be "spirited" may enjoy a lot of the techniques that help kids with SPD. High needs does not equal special needs, but in both cases having some activities that accomodate those needs can help keep things sane. Things like putting them in a sheet/blanket and having two adults hold it (one at each end) and swing the baby to stimulate his vestibular sense. Also, have you tried a ride-on/walker toy yet, the kind that can be pushed in front of the baby? Does he hate swings and vibrating bouncers as well? (I'm guessing he's probably too big for them anyway). What about a tunnel to crawl through? Does he get to play in water frequently (maybe in the big tub with you or your dh?). Rolling him up in a towel after a bath can be fun.
I'm sure he will be walking soon, although I don't know if that means he will be less clingy when teething.