what to say? did she get the right info??

[arthead]

Was visiting with my sis & her almost 7yo girl this past week. Even though we live very far apart & our visits are infrequent (about three x per year) my neice & I are pretty close. Over the course of the week that we were together, she asked me about two very touchy (to some) subjects. My sis wasn't around at the moment she asked the questions, so I just did what I'd do for my own kids, I think... now, I'm hoping I didn't step on Mom's toes. My sis is very open, but since my neice asked, now I'm not sure if she's asked before & my sis ignored the questions, or if this is the first time my enice had asked?? Or maybe she was just getting another answer??

I'll put the two conversations below, please tell me what you think, what you would have said if you disagree with how I handled it. Or let me know I said the right stuff. I'd like brutal honesty if that's how you feel, so I don't make any mistakes next time! thx

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Scenario ~ driving home from the Shedd Aquarium where she saw a video that was just there, in one of the rooms, replaying itself. seemed natural enough to me... the vid was of a dolphin birth.

Conversation is as follows ~

niece: How are babies made?

me: Usually, a sperm from a male & an egg from a female find each other & then begin developing into cells. The cells become more & more cells, then some cells become arms, some become legs, some become a head, etc & all of the cells together form a baby. After a little time passes, the baby is born.

niece: Wanna play with my new game with me when we get home?

me: Sure, sounds fun enough

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Scenario ~ at a restaurant restroom... just my niece & I, she had just finished & was washing her hands. No other kids were in there.

Conversation is as follows ~

niece: I saw some blood in the bathroom!!

me: Where?

niece: I'll show you.

niece: Here (pointing to the hygeine box which had a bloody pad sticking out - yuk btw!)

me: Well, when girls get to the age of around ten or eleven or maybe older, we get what's called a period. It's your body's way of getting ready to make babies one day when you're much older.

niece: Well it's kind of scary!

me: Bleeding is sometimes scary, but that kind of bleeding is sort of cool, b'c it's very natural & almost all women have that bleeding once a month & it doesn't hurt. (didn't want to freak her with cramps just yet ) So, you don't need to be afraid of it... neat huh? By the way, did you touch it?

niece: No

me: If you see those boxes or any kind of blood that isn't from your body, you shouldn't touch it b'c people can get sick sometimes from touching other people's blood. Are you sure you didn't touch it? It's okay to tell me, you know.

niece: I didn't touch it cause I got scared.

me: Do you feel less scared now that you know what it is?

niece: Yeah, can I get a sundae cause I ate all of my macaroni?

me: mmhmm

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I think I feel alright b'c now I feel like SHE feels that she can ask me things?? Ugh... parenting is HARD isn't it?! Anyway, any opinions on these conv's?

[K&JsMaMa]

I think you handled both situations beautifully. If you were my sister I'd give you a big

[captain optimism]

Wow, you did GREAT! Impromptu and everything! I hope I can do it like you did it!

I love the way she asked, heard the answer, and went on to the next thing.
Probably she has asked these questions before, gotten similar answers from your sister, and held on to only part of the answer. My impression is, children ask these questions several times, they take in what is developmentally appropriate from what you tell them, and then they ask again when they are ready to learn more.

[Korwynne]

I think you did beautifully! I'd mention it all to your sis though just so she knows and isn't totally caught off guard if your niece bring something up.. such as "btw Mom, how do the sperm and egg get together" when Mom has no clue she even knows that much

[eilonwy]

:LOL I have to laugh because this reminds me of a conversation I had recently with my own niece who is a little bit younger than yours. She had followed my son into the bathroom, where I was um... busy and plucking some of the ever-so-attractive below the belly button hairs that I get when I'm pregnant. :LOL

niece: What are you doing?

me: Sometimes when you're pregnant, you get hair on your belly. I don't like it, so I'm plucking it out so I don't have to look at it anymore.

niece: Oh. Is that why you have hairs on your vagina, too?

me: (actively not ing) That's my vulva, and I have hairs on it because I'm a grownup.

niece: Not from pushing a baby out?

me: No, you get them when you are a grownup.

niece: Oh. I have a vulva, too but mine doesn't have hair on it.

me: Yes, that's right.

niece: So does my sister and so does my mom. But not Eli; he's a boy and he's got a penis like daddy and Mike [my Mike].

me: That's right.

niece: Eli, don't play in the catbox!

:LOL It was all I could do not to fall off the toilet, I was so taken aback! :LOL I think you handled the situation very well, probably just the way I would have.

[wonderfulmom]

I think you did a very good job and were very cool about things. Sounds like you gave the right amount of info with the right matter-of-fact attitude. (Make sure you let your sis know about the conversations and how they came up.)

[Irishmommy]

You did great, but definitely mention it to the mom.

[lilyka]

Sounds like you did great. You kept it on a need to know basis and still answered the question. No big. Definitely mention it to the mama though just si she has a heads up should it come up.

[arthead]

Thanks for the confidence... I'm copy/pasting those conversations to an email to my sis now... great suggestion that I really hadn't thought of, although I don't know why!?! I guess I was just being sheepish... but you guys have given some strength to what went down.

Anyone have differing beliefs? Please don't feel weird about posting how you'd handle the questions. I'm truly interested in how parents deal with delicate issues.

[MaWhit]

I think your answers were great and I probably would have done the same as long as I knew my sis wouldn't mind. (Mine would be grateful! ) If there were any doubt about sis's reaction, though, "Ask your mom" is a useful response, too.

[arthead]

and Eilonwy... that conversation is too funny! Kids are sooo curious about life, eh? good job on you too

[arthead]

mmhmm, I definitely have used the ol "oh, we should probably ask your mum to make sure" response with other things, such as, "can I have/do this?" or the super-controversial "my mom says i can do such & such" I always double check with mommy! Kiddies are smarter than we often think! Most times she doesn't fib about things, but a few times she's been busted

[Piglet68]

I think you did wonderfully.

This may be really bad of me but....I think all children need to know this stuff, especially a girl of 7 should know about periods, so if her mother refused to talk to her about it I would talk to her anyway, because I think it's very harmful to keep such information from kids.

[pageta]

I think you did wonderfully. Sometimes someone other than a parent can be a great source of such information, and your niece is lucky to have someone as open and matter-of-fact as you are. If you were my sister, I'd be eternally greatful.

[Foobar]

You did great!

I would have done the same thing.

[wende]

I think you did wonderfully! Here's my experience from the other side of the coin.

My dd's have different dads. My oldest dd's dad and step mom are very involved in all of my childrens lives. One day my younger dd was with my older dd at the older dd's dad's house (confused yet?) Kendra is the oldest, Alexis is younger, Beth is step mom. They were watching television together and a tampon commercial came on. I believe my kids were 7 and 10, maybe 8 and 10 or 11. I'm very open with them and Beth knows this. Anyway, the commercial is talking about the new smooth glide plastic applicators. Alexis says "eww, why would anyone want to stick plastic up there?" and Beth says "well, the other ones are made of cardboard" Alexis said "ugh, I think I'll just use those pad things instead." Beth says "that will be an option for you also. I think they feel like a diaper though". Alexis said "GREAT, now I don't know what I'm going to do!" Beth laughed and reminded her that she had many years before she needed to make a choice. When I came to pick up the girls later that evening we all had a good laugh over the conversation and Alexis asked which kind I used. I told her I use OB (no applicator), she was beside herself with options and freaked out because none of them seemed to be a good one for her. Meanwhile, my sweet, Kendra, who is close to needing to use them is sitting back not saying a word. She'll happily use whatever we hand her.

I was happy that Beth was willing to have the open conversation with the girls. I am grateful to anyone who is willing to have open, honest conversations with my children and give them any information that they need. Kids won't always come to their parents with questions or for advice and so I think it's very important that they know that there are other adults who they can go to rather than the silly neighbor kids who may be getting their information from a chat room somewhere.